self-titled: ^_^

this is weird, it's friday night, i'm largely sober, it's early, and i'm at home alone.

but oh wait, it gets weirder. i'm not very happy right now, in fact, one might say i'm sitting here listening to sad music and feeling sorry for myself. "ok," you may be saying, "but what's so weird about that?" i'll tell you what, i'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself and i don't know why.

great day at work, fun happy hour, then i went back to edmonds where i napped for a bit, then got up and went to the mods for some girl's birthday party and i walked in and just started being miserable. no catalyst, except for maybe a lame party, but i've dealt with plenty of those before. Maybe i just wanted it that way. i kind of stood off in the kitchen (freshmen!!) and didn't engage myself and didn't want to engage and didn't want to talk to anyone and just wanted to go home and be by myself. i'm sitting here writing trying to divine an explanation out of my sub conscious. there really was nothing, i was just hit with a mood and that mood stuck with me, even as i stood there feeling bad, and moreso when i came home and got on with the sad music, my thoughts were pretty much limited to "i feel unhappy."

maybe i've just been so busy and so passing out in the mods of late to sit and feel bad for myself, maybe i just needed some katie time, who knows. i could use about a billion more dollars and some female companionship, but these are not things i'm losing sleep over. i was/am not happy this evening and i can't figure out why and its driving me crazy and i'm going to stop going on about it because i'm not getting to the bottom of anything.

in other news, tim told me yesterday or two days ago how self-titled sucks. and i agreed, and today wrote up in my head the world's most extensive metaphor for the thing. i'll save the novel now, but the gist of it is that self-titled is like a child who no longer does anything for you. you get married and you're like "oh honey, let's have a baby!" and you do and the baby rules, you feed it all the time and buy clothes for it and show it off to your friends and think about it all day and it's great. then after a few years of changing diapers and cleaning up after it, the novelty of having a kid wears off and the whole thing gets boring and repetitive. especially if the kid is ugly or misbehaved, you're just like, "oh yeah, 'let's have a baby,' great idea." but in the end, hell, it's your kid, you made it and brought it into the world. you may not love it anymore because it's really just a burden, but hey, it's sort of a part of you.

believe it or not, i had the metaphor extended far far far beyond that, it was quite ridiculous. but to write it would cut into feel sorry for myself time and we just can't have that.