self-titled: ^_^
i'm the inspiration
i've had problems connecting to s-t in the past days, thus the no entries.
Last entry was jan 15, now it's jan 21. That's a week. or close enough.
the semester's first movie night went off without a hitch, rushmore was well received, and i'm looking forward to an exciting and well-attended series.
On thursday, brenda and i had a nice chat with dean ryan, and then some class might have been had, some football most likely played, and then i went with Adam and Sean from chorale to presto's, then to lex's, then to stephanie's. At steph's, the bostonians gathered for drinking and selecting songs. we picked some songs, something jewel, something garth and something by some chick i don't know. The rest of the night was spent talking for hours re: bostonians problems. Everyone almost always looks to me for everything, that's tough. I mean, i'm music director, which i guess in some circles can be seen as a figurehead, but i can't and i won't worry myself to solve every problem that arises, it's not in my job description, it's not in my personality. After drinking, katie mike dimo and i hitched a ride with some girls that bummed a cigarette from me and then i came home, was very loud in 829, and then crashed hard.
i'm typing now and my roommateis sleeping, i feel bad about that. it was something i rarely had to worry about last year, but has reared its head many a night.
friday was national laundry and football day. i actually was up really early, 9 or 10, i don't know why, just couldn't sleep. i don't remember shit about friday until the big beirut tournament at diana's. Brenda and I won our first game against some schmucks, then garnered a controversial victory over darren and diana, and then lost to sober guy. a heartbreaking loss, and perhaps a metaphor for what was the come. No, that wouldn't be a metaphor, because i believe metaphors have to be constructed as such.
friday night kind of ended in a brian-overreacts-yet-again mess, walked home in my most punkish manner smoking camel blues, only to be greeted by a fire drill. slept long into saturday, played and watched some football, and got dumped.
dumped. I guess maybe you can call it that, it's not entirely appropriate, but it's not entirely off. end result is that it was brenda's time to put her foot down, and it's looking for good. and obviously, on saturday, i was none too happy. pretty much broke down, and then went to mike's party with TIM. party was decent, there was some terribly played beirut going on, and when TIM and i got on the table, the worst team in the world decided to start playing really well. it ended after about 3 or 4 rounds with us still having 2 cups to hit. came back home, saw some drunkenness, participated in some drunkenness, probably had some more bad interactions with brenda, and passed out.
then sunday, woke up, watched and played more football, took out a new lease. wallowing has left me, it's dumb. i'm actually pretty ok now, and i think it's largely because i decided not to be a baby and actually act normal and be friendly and not ignore her. granted, it's not like i'm having the time of my life, but i'm not wearing black and smoking clove cigarettes and reading camus. most of the time things are peachy, but every now and then i just get a wash of that feeling. realization, loss, nostalgia, "wistfulness" as TIM would say. it happened today in the movie theater (more later), and it was bizarre, a.) it was a non-touching scene in a war movie and b.) my heart hurt. I know that sounds ridiculously gay, but i'm dead serious, i felt a very strange feeling in the left side of my chest, where the heart is. doesn't make sense, but hey.
the rest of sunday, after the football, was spent watching the golden globes and then drinking mucho with tara and kate and just talking for hours and hours. and about a lot of stuff, not just the great shakedown from the day before. and i saw and talked with brenda briefly that night, and it's cool. i don't think it should be, i think that i should be hiding from and avoiding her and thinking angry and sad thoughts when i see her, but i'm not. and hurray for that, because i'm sure this way is MUCH better.
today i slept till 1 and watched and played some football. i then played with the palm pilot for a while. did some IMing. downloaded some music. ate a twice-baked potato courtesy of tara. then i forget. oh, football. then went to see black hawk down with a crew, and i declare it the best modern war movie i've seen. three kings instantly came to mind for comparison, but three kings was more commentary. Granted, there is some commentary on the nature of our activities in somalia after the gulf war, but the point of the movie was not that, the point was spoken very clearly towards the end, when a delta force dude (coolest special ops people ever) was talking about what he says when asked at home why he risks his life so much, why he's a "war junkie," he says: "It's about the men next to you. That's all it is." and the movie showed that. saving private ryan tried to do that, and in comparison, it did a really shitty job. big fan of black hawk down, which really bothers me, since jerry bruckheimer was somehow involved.
then i came home, put on my superfan shirt, and played the season game of BC vs. ND against Tim. BC won, but it was a close game at times.
and then i came in here and took a test to determine my religious beliefs. the test is here. It says i'm a secular humanist, or that at least my answers most closely match that belief category. i'll buy that.
"Humanism is a rational philosophy informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by compassion. Affirming the dignity of each human being, it supports the maximization of individual liberty and opportunity consonant with social and planetary responsibility. It advocates the extension of participatory democracy and the expansion of the open society, standing for human rights and social justice. Free of supernaturalism, it recognizes human beings as a part of nature and holds that values -- be they religious, ethical, social, or political -- have their source in human experience and culture. Humanism thus derives the goals of life from human need and interest rather than from theological or ideological abstractions, and asserts that humanity must take responsibility for its own destiny. • The American Humanist Association"
next up was unitarian universalism at 92%, but that seems just like this all-encompassing touchy feely "believe what you want" system.
straight up atheism/agnosticism was next at 89% and then therevada buddhism (?) at 73 followed closely by liberal quakerism. my raised religion, the roman catholic thing, rounds out towards the very bottom: 27%.
ok ok, peace out time. hopefully i'll do a little more of this writing thing now that i seem to be able to reliably connect to the site.