self-titled: ^_^

"year 2: an embarrassing look back" is due soon. don't think i've forgotten about. it's just that computer games take priority in my life.

wow, this shit is like crack. i just started reading from march 30th of last year, when i resumed normal self-titled writing after the big 1 year gala event. the first night is when i nearly killed mancini after cafe party as we did shots at our kitchen table. and then i just kept reading and reading and reading. eventually, i cut myself off at marathon monday (don't tell brian this, but when i finish this, i'm going to read more.) it's crack, man. And i realize, this is why i keep this damn thing. i just read through 2 weeks, and relived my life. it was incredible. and it's crazy, like, what was going on then? back in the days when i hardly knew my roommates of now, i was head over heels for kate, i had just met tara, and i didn't really know brenda at all? i actually lived all this. those times happened, the way things are now aren't the way they've always been. i dunno, something about remembering those times does a number on me. and quite frankly, it's a little sad, there's a certain level of innocence when looking back a year ago, before things happened, before you knew certain people as you do, before you reached certain levels of comfort or familiarity with others... there are times you feel like you've just fucked up, and you want to go back to square one with a bunch of people. lost innocence, that's what it's about. anyhoo... i should really leave all this for the big 2 year gala entry, eh?

so today i went shopping. twice. and then i made eggnog for the big christmas party. oh, i went to two blockbusters too. the eggnog making was fun. i was able to crack eggs all by myself, and then after that, was even able to separate the whites from the yolks. so i made the eggnog, and then mike and chris came over and luke was home and joe came over and kate came for like 10 minutes. we watched gremlins. fun times. then mike was complaining of being too drunk and went home. i played an ill-advised game of beirut with joe (i won) and now i'm in here. i'll tell you what, i made some strong fucking eggnog. there was christmas music playing too when people came in. i dunno, it wasn't quite the blast i was hoping for, but i mainly blame myself for that. you see, i had lots of other things i wanted to do, but the truth is, the eggnog took so much goddam preparation and work i didn't have the time to do anything else. oh well, i got to see a little bit of a christmas story. unfortunately, home alone and a muppet's christmas carol will have to wait for a later day this week.

(and that means 'i love you')

well, i'm demoralized. just spent 2 hours doing the watch tv and write in the palm deal, and something went horribly wrong. fuck.

oh well, long and short of it is i went to the common room to watch the end of the game, and i flipped to channel 2, and there were high school kids so i watched. turns out it was the first episode of this 15 part documentary on this super diverse la high school and 15 of it's seniors, called senior year. i watched an episode and was hooked, popped in a tape and then went to see monster's ball. good acting, not a great script. and it had a sex scene so graphic i was shocked it got by the ratings board in the state it was in. anyway got home and realized i don't know how to work my VCR, and only got 2 hours instead of 4. oh well.

so i watched them, and commented on them, and it was good. i was dropping insights on marraige, love, sex, the white strips, the cute but dumb girl jen, chunky latinos, football players, fathers who attempt suicides, gay people, and so much more with the frequency the kids on the tv were dropping the f-bomb. and now it's all fucking lost and i'm super pissed and am going to go bite my pillow.

oh, i also mentioned how today i busted out the guitar to work on my senior song. luckily, it's only 6 chords, and once i lowered it a step, all 6 of them are manageable. the F is tricky, but hell, that b minor and f# minor shit they tried to get me to play. honestly, how can anyone play those chords with only 4 fingers? also, i played for like an hour, it's not hard, it'll be fine. but GODDAM to my fingers hurt. guitarists aren't kidding when they talk about blisters and callouses, that fretboard is one nasty motherfucker.

what a shitty christmas eve.

two nights in a row of being in the area and not sleeping in edmonds... i'm such a stud.

So yeah, after my remote entry from 66 the other night, we played some drinking games or something and then at 5am dimo left wasted to catch a train, and john diane and i stayed up till 6:30 or so, and then sleep came. I made it home the next day and then it was off to the soup kitchen to prepare food and give it to people. yay community service. it actually wasn't bad at all, although when i sat to eat after a few hours or so, i could definitely tell that i had been on my feet running around for the past whatever. and then i kicked it home, played some computer, dillied and dallied and decided if i wanted to go to 1661 to drink with luke and his friends. when collier said he'd go, i was game. I got there and collier and greg where outside and i was like "uh-oh, does this mean it sucks?" turns out luke and joe and luke's cousin were just up there watching the simpsons and greg and sean felt awkward going in. so we went in, and soon beirut happened, and the night turned out to be a good deal of fun for the 6 of us. i ended up taking a bed there and then this morning we got up and went to moogy's and i came home and went straight to work and then back to the room where i vacuumed the common room and then played video games. and then i went to maddie's to buy food and stuff and then brenda came looking for my id card and i was confused, but i kept watching survivor. and then i finally showered. then brenda and her friend nicole came over and we hung out briefly, and then i went to get music for nicole to listen to and she went to get brenda and i don't think they're coming back. so i'm going to go watch reality dating or something and then go to bed.

OHHHHHH

at work today, i spent like 2 hours reading excerpts from books. and this one book, graphic novel, actually, by a dude named daniel quinn had an incredibly cool idea. the book looked like it blew... the art was just "meh" and didn't do anything special. anyway, the story, which totally ruled is this. well, apparantly, in real life, there are some theories about the universe acting as a yo-yo, going out and coming back in. this mostly applies to time. so this book works on the theory that the universe is the yo-yo coming back in. in this reality, people's lives begin in a ceremony where they are dug out of the ground. they grow older and sometimes someone else is dug from the ground and they are that person's spouse. and eventually, the rites of marriage or released and they celebrate their freedom. and as they grow, they start doing less things, like working and driving cars and speaking and stuff because they are all useless as you grow older. and eventually, at the end of your life, you enter the womb of your mother where you remain for all time. i dunno, if you think about it and really try and put yourself in that set of reality, it's fucking cool. like after you dissolve your marriage, you enter a period of "closure" with your ex-spouse, where you have less and less physical encounters and go out to dinner less often and eventually say "goodbye" and part ways. and as far as birth goes, it's equally plausible to imagine a reality where sperm meets egg and becomes uterus which is passed out of the womb as the scenario wherein the earth provides a skeleton deep in the ground and god grants it flesh and life and it is dug up and "born" into our world. i dunno, the whole thing struck me as phenomenally cool, and i wish it wasn't a graphic novel and just a straight text story, or that the art did a good job of enhancing the story. whatever, food for thought.

so after what i wrote earlier, i threw on kristen hersh and sat in the common room and then nicole came in and we listened to music and chilled and shit. and then i watched elimidate and now i'm in here.

remote entry.

i'm coming to you live from 66. dimitrios is spinning. john is drunk. diane is here. alls good.

i went to work and then came home to play jedi knight 2 john is the coolest gay man I know. i didn't write that, but he's pretty cool.

anyway, then i got my ticket for dance of the decades and then off to callbacks. they happened, and now we have two new bostonians: andy and meg. both freshman. huzzah.

after callbacks we went to dimo and john's and drank and watched the cafe video. we sounded fucking great at cafe, i was amazed. and then we watched the video from last year's tour in california, that was fun. and then we piled into some cars and went to newton and sang the new kids in. the last time i'll sing someone in. it was fun, they seemed happy. granted, they don't really know how much we changed their lives at 3:30 in the morning on march 26, but they'll figure it out. weird thing that, we just totally changed two people's lives. that's freaking wild.

i think i'm staying over here tonight, just for the hell of it. i guess it makes a lot more sense to walk 5 minutes back to edmonds but whatever.

also, my othermusic order came today and that was exciting. the new kleenex girl wonder album is tons of fun. there's a lot of rapping on it which is actually kinda weird, but the thing is coolio anyway. ok, i'm going to go be social or something now. peace out

ok, first off, i've said it before, but johnny cash rules. he's so the man.

today kinda happened. wrote a paper, classed it up, then grabbed a bite and headed to bostonians auditions. we're having callbacks tomorrow, 6 kids, we'll see if we have anyone new tomorrow night.

then i came home and played some jedi knight 2. hurray for star wars and shooting things and shit.

and now it's 1am. i think i'm gonna clean up the place where i sleep and the lie down and read some of Magic Mountain. it's shaping up to be a hell of a book. granted, i'm on page 80 of 800, but it's looking good and i'm interested to see where it takes me.

also, i want it to be wednesday, because then i get my grubby little hands on new kleenex girl wonder and a super special georgia hubley designed othermusic t-shirt. yayayaya.

really sucks though, cause i ordered stuff on thursday, and it takes almost a week to get it. i already miss the days of going into cambridge and just picking stuff up.

oh oh oh

my dreams last night. wow. plenty and mighty bizarre. the one i remember with most clarity was basically like gosford park. I was a guest at the house, i think i had lines of dialogue similar to ryan philippe's character. it wasn't in the past though, it was pretty current. characters from the movie were there, as well as people in my life, as well as jennifer lopez (who i killed, but only out of self defense.) i did NOT however kill sir william, and it took some wild stuff by me in order to a.) get an audience with lady sylvia, and b.) getting her to believe me. Once she did agree to talk to me, she was quite cordial, even though she thought i killed her husband she let me eat in their restaurant with her children. i got french onion soup and she ordered me chicken as well. i forget how the real life people played into the plot, except for j lo, she was having an affair with sir william so lady sylvia didn't really care that i killed her, anyway, j lo was in a lower class so sylvia didn't really give a shit about her anyway. OHHHH i remember seeing some letters sylvia had given to a (trusted) valet that said john creegan was to be killed on sight and something similar, though not quite as harsh, about brenda. it was a real fun dream, although after i saw how casual sylvia's attitude was about offing people, i began to seriously worry about my own life, especially since she suspected me. i forget how i convinced her otherwise, i think i was just really nice to her children. and then i drove a car and the dream went someplace else that i forget.

oh, another dream was i was in an apartment somewhere. and there was a cabinet that had a GIANT rat (we're talking dog size, here) in it. and that was normal. but then i opened the cabinet again and there was a smaller rat in there as well. and then the rat started looking like it was being electrocuted and i shut the cabinet. and i knew i should do something because the rat was going to die or something. but the sound the electricity was making was like this weird staticy electronic music and i was digging it, and wanted to listen and groove. but i kept opening the cabinet for some reason i don't know, and each time i did it i was like "don't, it'll blow up." but each time, the music got louder and cooler so i kept doing it, despite my love for my giant rat. and then this dream did something else that i also don't remember.

and that's all i remember at this late hour. time to read.

also, underground hip hop is so much different that the shit that i hear at parties.

mom's back. woohoo.

anyway, so, today. hmm, i wonder how many of these i've started off with "anyway" or "so." a lot i'd bet.

anyway, today was a perfect sunday.

i woke up earlyish (10something) because i had to go to sound check for the artists for aids benefit. and then i did that and came back home and there were some good times had here in the room. all the roommates were here as well as luke's cousin and the ass he got last night. and we were just farting around and making jokes and having a fun time and then we went to moogie's for breakfast. i beat darren 2 for 3 in connect four and darren and i also had this amazing little concoction of an egg over easy INSIDE a piece of bread. it was tasty and hell and boggled the mind at the same time... what more could you ask for?

then we drove back home, darren and i went to watch BC play some baseball, then TIM came and we came back to edmonds where we watched a mixture of mtv spring break, final four, and a game being played by the computer in ncaa football 2002. yes, we watched the computer play football against itself.

i did some work for the bostonian's cd art, and then showered and went to the aids show. we sang and then i went back with dimo adam and john to dimo's room for some oscar action. all awards aside, the show sucked. i hate whoopie. she's a horrible person and she's not funny and she sucks. also, her name is "whoopie." riiiiiight. the highlight of the show was woody allen, followed closely by the cirque de soliel performance. everything else sucked. and beautiful mind... i thought it was pretty good, i really did. but by the end of the show, i had grown to hate that movie and goddam russel crowe and goddam freaking richie cunningham. die die die. mulholland drive got so screwed it's not funny. also, naomi watts has a huge australian accent which completely blew my mind.

then we put fluff in the microwave for science and watched gay porn while listening to the william tell overture. fun times.

last night:

extreme drinking did occur, however it did not mix with extreme fun to form the ultimate in extreme sporting events. i played a few games of beirut here, then went with the roommates to an 80's party whereat darren and i dominated for a long time at beirut and then lost and then by the time we played again (at about midnight, mind you) i was already on my second glass of water. dangerous waters, my friends. we played and i think lost, maybe we won one. but whatever, after that i hit the chorale party and i think that was cool. and then the party moved to ignacio, sarah actually said i was looking more drunk than ever before and maybe i should stay, but i went, because mike fasano's fake glasses were at stake and i couldn't risk them being lost or eaten or blown up in some huge explosion or something. so i went along, decided enough was enough and i had to go home. wrested the glasses away from one brenda hook in an act that i think may have been pure drama, and i stumbled back home with JTL. and then sleep. sweet sweet sleep.

that sounds good right about now, although i'm sure i'll find a way to putts around for a bit first.

also, i'm losing grip of my christmas thing. but everytime i write an entry and see these colors it keeps me going a little bit. i hope i can make it.

arrgghghghghghg so achey.

been a few days, thursday was poker night. oh wait, first i went to a book reading by some teacher here at bc, it was enjoyable. the story he read was good and he called the audience "fuckers" but in a fun way like, "i know you fuckers are just buying this for the sex" and that made me laugh. and then i did some stuff, taking pictures of the office namely, and then went out to dinner with adam, his mom and her boy, and tim. we went to carlo's. it was magnificent. i for the third time recreated the original dinner i had with adam: calimari, bruschetta, and linguine al vongole. but this time there was grand marnier shrimp thrown in. simply wonderful. and then came poker. full table. we drank a shitload of bourbon and several shots of captain morgan's non-spiced dark rum which was 100% terrible. I got really drunk and lost for the first time. $20. Which puts me at only about $100 in winnings.

next morning i woke up and realized i love liquor drunk. no hangover, just dizzyness, and you don't remember shit from the night before. i'm not kidding, it's great. i beat tim in football went to legal with my parents, showered and got ready for the bostonians show. went to the cabaret room, we sang stuff, my songs were cool because i was a little drunk and wasn't afraid to go balls out. i talked through most of that's life and sang the end in spanish. and buddy holly i got to throw the mic stand and proclaim that i'm a rocker and spit water at the group. and then the party happened and i reinforced my drunkenness and drank and it was fun. the party had way too many fucking random mooks and 12 cases of beer were gone through in like an hour and then obie and i went to my room and brought more beer and then the beers hit me after a while and i came home with some of the roommates and roommettes and hung out a little and passed out. a successful night, not quite so as fall but still a blast.

then today i woke up super hungover and went to IHOP at like 1:30 and ate a feast with a bunch of bostonians and then went to see ET which i was pretty underwhelmed by. i mean, it's good and all, but if it weren't for the soundtrack i think i'd find it a little thin after all these years.

and now who knows. i want to do something extreme tonight. something that perhaps merges the sports of extreme drinking and extreme fun. we shall see.

so you may be noticing that the colors have changed on the old site. well, there are 2 reasons for this, and they're kind of related, and i will tell you what they are.

the first one, which i realized last night. i use css style sheets for this site, meaning i can easily change the colors for the entire site whenever i damn well please. "but brian," you may ask, "why have you chosen red and green, which are traditionally considered christmas colors?" well, dear reader, let me tell you.

it snowed on monday and then again today. well today, i was outside having a cigarette and it was snowing and it was very pretty and suddenly "winter wonderland" popped into my head. and it made me feel all christmasy. so i went with this, and i tried to make myself get into the christmas spirit. and i did real well. in fact, the only thing keeping me from completely believing that it was late december was that it wasn't dark enough out, the mix of sunlight just didn't feel right.

so it was then that i hatched a plan. i am going to act like it is not march, but it is instead the middle of december. I will listen to christmas music, and get all happy nostalgic and change the colors of self-titled, and buy people presents and eat candy canes and hot cocoa and think christmas. This will all culminate on easter. now, i'm not very catholic as you may know, so the whole easter thing doesn't mean much to me. Christmas, however, means a lot. so instead of celebrating the resurrection of christ, i will celebrate his birth. and not for the presents, because i won't get any, but for the happy and warm and actually kinda sad nostalgic feeling that christmas brings me. and on sunday night, or perhaps saturday, since it is christmas eve, or maybe i'll make monday christmas... but that'd be weird as it's marathon monday. ANYWAY, one of those two days, i will have over whoever is around and wants to come, a christmas gathering. Not a party, but a chill, friendly, christmas gathering. With music, and it's a wonderful life, and mistletoe, and some eggnog and hot chocolate with baileys. I can't wait. and i excitedly told tara and darren about it and all they did was laugh at me and tell me i'm stupid. but whatever, i think it'll be fun. i love christmas and the way it makes me feel. I was listening to the Low christmas EP today, and "just like christmas" really made me feel like i was back at home on christmas eve listening to it. it's working, i'm so close. and shit, what the hell else to i have to do over easter break?

also, again with the low ep, "if you were born today (song for little baby jesus)" is such a stunning song. it is absolutely gorgeous. so moving, so powerful. i really really love it.

rehearsal was kinda fun tonight. at the end of it, we were running the second verse of "love the one you're with" over and over and over again because rich was learning the solo, and something moved within me. we were just kinda jamming on this one part over and over. so i jumped up on the table and started dancing and then spit water out at everyone and then threw water over the whole group and then ran around a bunch and picked up a desk and threw it. it was kinda like "ok, joke's over" at the plan show, but different. anyway, it was unbelievably fun, probably my new favorite rehearsal moment ever.

then i came home and watched survivor (which i had completely forgotten about, by the way) and then played a game of football. then i returned the roommette's ice cube tray and totally got yelled at. but you know what, people get pretty tense during the christmas season, it's ok. everyone's worrying about shopping and family and making dinner and making sure everyone gets along, it calms down. once christmas eve comes, everyone will be chill and down and remembering how great life and love and friends and family are and it will be nice.

college tour: destination sexy will resume tomorrow most likely. year two: an embarrassing look back will have work continued on it some days later i believe.

today i went to work, puttsed for a while and then, when it was due in 2.5 hours, started my paper. at 4:40 i had 6 pages, printed, and went to class.

then i endured class. actually talked a bit, fancy that.

and then bostonians. officers were elected, the mack the knife solo was handed to sean, and then i left because i had nothing to do. however, i learned that steph and rich made out on saturday night and i filmed it... really, who knew?

also, at lyons, for the nth day straight, the machines were not accepting cards. luckily, my othermusic change purse stepped up and has proven itself invaluable in these dark days.

then i came home and killed shit with a light saber, drank a bit, played some beirut, and now i'm here.

looks like tomorrow i'm FINALLY getting a haircut. i bought a razor today, my first manual in a long long time. i will be able to pick up my electric tomorrow, but i'm kinda interested in the whole manual shave thing. we'll see. Also tomorrow i have to go down to newbury street to see if i can score fugazi tickets.

been listening to the wedding present - george best plus for the past few days. digging it thoroughly.

oh, retrieved my rented copy of magic mountain today from work, that made me happy. i think i will read some of it on the morrow.

ok ok, umm, that's it. now time to return to my regularly scheduled drinking. peace to the out, kids.

here's a fun new segment of self-titled. It's called "let's see what i've eaten this weekend."

friday: supersize fries, 6 piece chicken nuggets, and some little hot dog things
saturday: large onion rings, double bacon cheeseburger, 5 piece chicken tenders, supersize fries
sunday: large onion rings, double bacon cheeseburger
monday: large onion rings, double bacon cheeseburger, 5 piece chicken tenders

i'm so healthy.

yesterday i went in for mixing, south boston was crazy with the parade and saint patrick's day and all. we remixed center and troubled and they sound tons better. then i came home and there was a full out party in my room. and when i say full out party i mean that there were more than ten people here. I drank my guinness that darren bought, then i drank some more. played a little beirut and then brenda and i invented a game in i call "full contact wrestling in the stairwell" wherein for like an hour we just beat each other up. that was strange. then some asshole was had, then spit and rummy and then war. remember war? it was a lot cooler when i was six. then i called katie and we talked until like 5:45, and i smoked cigarettes in the edmond's hallway. i'm such a rebel.

today i woke up, wrote my story, went to mixing, endured rush hour, which was really lame. and we mixed superman. and uhh, then i came home and showered.

now i want to clean my room because hey, it beats studying.

good god. I've just been baptized by rock.

i'll do a full report in a second, but first, i must write on the last 20 minutes. 1:30: dismemberment plan begins their fourth and final encore song. the chords to "ok, joke's over" ring out, crowd goes wild, and much dancing begins. this is the plan party song, this is the song they play and then rock the fuck out after the first two verses. the rocking the fuck out begins at about 1:34, after a considerable amount of regular rocking. this is the big jam, where travis goes crazy and tosses in other songs and shit. ben gibbard takes the stage and helps out on the drums, then cex comes out, spits water in travis' face and runs away. travis and cex do a cute little standoff thing, and then cex runs up, jumps on travis' back, grabs the mic and starts freestyling while travis goes crazy on the guitar. they run around for a while, and eventually travis throws cex off. cex grabs a mic. the two go back and forth, travis singing songs and cex egging him on, screaming, freestyling and singing. they're running around the stage, jumping at each other, wrestling, playing guitar, screaming. notable adds were ms. jackson, that hateration song, u2's "40", biz markie's "just a friend," travis stood out front and center and sang the entirety of death cab's steadier footer. fucking great. then cex started screaming louder and then travis sang a bunch of "tomorrow"

hello. b/c i am represented here A LOT i think it is time that i can say at least a hello b/c i am brenda. and brian just ran over my foot with his cushy chair. OUCH. i didn't go to the concert tonight b/c god only knows. and brian just changed into pjs behind the desk divider thing so that i coudnt see which is very ironic. done.

thank you brenda for that incredibly enlightening newsbreak. (snob - from b.k.h.) anyway. travis sang tomorrow cex was going crazy, some rocking out and guitar gymnastics happened, cex played guitar, travis gyrated people danced and twenty minutes later they all left the stage. quite possibly THE coolest 20 minutes i've ever seen on a stage. wowoowowowowowo. i'm not kidding here. i'm not making any "best show ever" claims, but i have never seen something so cool that has kept me some unbelievably entertained. i want for nothing more than to drive there tomorrow and find someone selling a ticket so that i can relive it all over again.

umm the show was great. cex came out and rapped about bikes and sex and work and shit and that was fun. he had an entertaining bit where he addressed the audience as if it were a girl and he was like "so you've been going out with indie rock for a long time now. 4 or 5 years? that's cool, i mean you know what each other like and you can finish your sentences and shit. that's great, i really mean it. blah blah blah. but does indie rock call you 'bitch' when you're having sex? cause i will. and don't worry, i don't want to break you two up, you're really good together; we can keep it down low. but you know that shit you wanted to try? that r kelly shit? you can't even bring that up to indie rock, he'd cut you off for a week." and it was funny and then he went into the next song saying "yeah, i really shouldn't be saying all that, because this next song is pretty emo, it's about work." and i laughed. and cex rapped.

ok then death cab.

first off, a scraggly looking bunch of guys. started off with bend to squares, and by the time ben went into "what a way to cut lengthwise" in his gibbardish way, all doubts were relieved. then came some song i didn't know. then we laugh indoors, and at the explosion bridge i was like "shit." death cab brought the rock set. the sound of the guitars was just so huge and amazing i loved it. company calls had the same effect. then moviescript ending, information travels faster, i was a kaleidoscope, amputations, lowell ma, why you'd want to live here, president of what, blacking out the friction and in this one they slipped in a bit of dismemberment plan's "what do you want me to say" which was cool, and then the last song i forget and didn't know the name of.

then dismemberment plan. opened with fell off the face of the eart, then what do you want me to say with travis doing a bit of britney's "slave 4 u" in it, doing the standing still which really got the crowd moving, the other side which i was hypnotized by the drummer... it was fucking amazing, that guy is a god, you are invited - and in the final chorus i was moved, possibly the most touching concert bit since i saw badly drawn boy tell the story of his daughter and then pass around her photo during the shining, then ellen & ben featuring a bit of death cab's "blacking out the friction," and then i love a magician with some other d-plan song thrown in, then if i don't write, time bomb which ruled, gets rich, ice of boston, the city, pay for the piano (which sounds a lot like some song of !), girl o'clock, and back & forth. they left and came back and did bra (feautring h to the izzo), then following through, the life of possibilities and then the previously mentioned ok joke's over.

show ruled.

RULED.

and as i was sitting there, thinkign about how all my friends are lame (including the one who was like "yeah yeah, buy tickets" and then bailed) i realized something. i was there, alone as usual, but having a great time. having someone with me on my invite is always a little weird, i want to make sure they're having a good time etc. not that company is a bad thing, just the opposite, it'd be great if people went. but still, i'm not sad for me that no one came, or mad at brenda for having me buy a ticket for her (sold it outside, so no loss). i'm not that petty nor that proud. but i do feel bad. because once again, the dismemberment plan has come to town, and no one was there to experience it. it's such an event, so much fun, i just want other people to be able to be a part of it and remember it. and it sucks that everyone's so lame. and won't. then i got thinking about music in general, and the shit that's on the top 20 or whatever. for fuck's sake, there's so much music out there. you look at a country fan, creaming over tim and garth and reba. play this person whiskeytown or gillian welch and if they listen with an open mind, they'll be blown away and be like "wow, this is like the music i listen to... only better." i hate music that's crafted for the radio. people agree with me, everyone goes through it. everyone, especially once in college, is behind a band before they're big, or branches out and finds a guster or ryan adams or john mayer to love, despite not a lot of radio play and the fact that everyone may not know them. so you find this special gem, but then don't bother looking at the billion other gems out there. i feel like i'm some sort of pariah being in the indie rock scene, like i'm an outcast and people think i'm weird and my music is weird, but how many of them give a chance and listen and then hear something they like and instead of stopping at this song i played them, seek more? it's good shit out there, and it's just being passed over again and again and again because travis morrisson isn't chatting it up with carson daly on TRL. pisses me right off.

listened to ponyoak on the drives today and was once again hit by what a phenomenal work it is. some 19 year old kid, with a bunch of instruments and a laptop, writes, sings, performs, records, sequences, produces these 25 songs. that are so catchy, so intelligent. it's damn near close to genius. genius i said, you heard me. and that's a lofty claim, it really means a lot from me. and yet, how many of you people reading this are ever going to give kleenex girl wonder a lsiten to? nah, jsut some weird peterik band (guy). but i say it's a work of near genius. you'll love it. well, most of you will find something in it that's a fuckload more rewarding that "i don't think you're ready for this jelly."

whatever, the scene blows. i'm a pariah. but i listen to music that comes from people who give a shit. not that top 40 is bad, it doesn't have to be. but there's so much more out there. so much that, if it were somehow given the exposure and media as everything else, that people would really dig.

ok off my soapbox.

went to recording today, drank beers and redid the solo for buddy holly, it's markedly better or so they say. then the show. then home and then was going to go to bed but brenda came over and is tarted drinking and darren came home and i kept drinking and now it's over 3 hours late.r whoops.

ok, yesterday i did some shit and within that shit i had an entertaining conversation with lindsey and won $50 in poker.

then today, i woke up, went to katie's where i started colorign my shirt, and then i went with adam into chinatown to pick up his costume, and i picked up a lab coat and then we ran into chris and we went to the chinatown mcdonalds and ate. then i came home, showered, dressed, went to katie's finished dressing and adam stepped up big and tied my bowtie and we did a powerhour and went to middlemarch.

the decorations, honestly, were a bit disappointing.

but it was still cool. cooler still when toben gave me an id and i went into the bar. i was grinding with some chick and we made out a little bit. earlier, i was in line for the bathroom and all these girls were talkign to me hitting on me whateve,r i took pictures with two of them. later on in the night, all my friends left, but i hung around to maybe seal some sort of deal with the girl from earlier (who turns out to be a friend of taras) but she was busy with a guy from my floor freshman year, so i went down to the bar area and hung around and grinded with someother chicks. this is what i need, i need to go to parties like middlemarch where i can just fuck around and grind and make out with random girls... that'd be cool.

then i left and went to toben's to drink beers and watch reality dating shows. then i came home and talked to jen and tara a bit, and brenda came home. and i hung out a bit and whatever. and now i'm going to sleep cause i need to go to recording or some shit tomorrow.

also... death and dismemberment!!! granted, i'm fucking going alone because that's teh way things work out.

okok, peace out. the candyman rocks. the chicks totally dig him.

dear readers, a preface to tonight's entry. this is being written without a trace of irony or humor, and if it's dripping with sentimentality, i do apologize, but it's from the heart.

today i went shopping for middlemarch stuff with lori. On the way back, we were travelling along memorial drive, and i thought "hey, i bet othermusic has the notwist in stock" so i had lori drive me over there. Not only would they have the album in stock most likely, but it's new music wednesday, so who knows what was waiting for me. i tried calling just to make sure, but the number wasn't working. Memorial drive was the road i took the first time i went into cambridge, before i knew a better way, and i actually thought about that. Every friday this summer, i'd leave work and drive into that small area of harvard square and drop sometimes upwards of $100 on new CDs. And then i'd come home and unwrap them in this bizarrely exciting ritual, or if it was later in the summer, bring the stack with me into the phone center where I could do the same. And i kept going there when i could this year. T'ing or bussing it, making the trip, and then i'd get there, buy my CDs and then go to starbucks and just chill. Read, write, reflect, listen, just relax. Such great times.

Actually, come to think of it, the very first time i went for the CDs was in June when i went to see the dismemberment plan. I remember going early so that i could kill some time buying records before the show. I bought 3 cds at OM that day: the low & dirty three EP, dump - that skinny motherfucker with the high voice?, and the belle & sebastian jonathan david single. I remember walking into that store, and being knocked back. It was so hip, playing some crazy shit on the store stereo, vinyl lining the walls, racks of CDs of bands I had never heard of. To say it was intimidating would be a gross understatement. But i kept going back, and grew more and more comfortable. I'm on "hey" basis with a lot of the employees, have talked to one a fair amount about shop, sent 5 drunk sophomores in one night to make out with someone working, seen ted leo there, and bought a disgusting amount of new music. this place is an oasis in a vast musical desert. Sure, newbury has SOME stuff, but not enough, would they ever sell some icelandic electronic group's CD? let alone a remix CD of thiers? let alone send me an e-mail raving about said band? Doubt it. Newbury's more interested in sticking the new greenday or johnny eat world cds up front and throwing kitschy pop culture stuff all over the place for impulse buys. I hate that store. No, othermusic is just about the music, about telling me about it, and then making it available to me in store, complete with nice little hand-written information on the cds they are particularly interested in moving.

So we drove up, made the left onto winthrop street, i got ready to jump out of the car and then i saw that all the windows were black and the store was completely empty. i was shocked, i ran up to the door and read the note. "As much as we love the music, selling CDs is a business." The Cambridge location wasn't cutting the mustard. Other Music now exists in one place, the original location in New York City.

A part of me died. I LOVED those trips. Browsing the aisles, finding what i was looking for, picking up things i didn't know were out, finding things i never expected. Shit, one day i was in there and i heard this great little synth pop song that made me smile "you asked me if i listened to journey" and i actually let out a little chuckle. I asked what was playing, "some friends of ours, great stuff huh, they're called the secrets, we'll have a five track next week." I wrote down that name and picked up the Thin Cities EP the next week. That song i heard was "the loneliest duet" a song that from the moment i heard it in store was in love with, a fascination that grew and grew, until this point now where there are few songs that can match the history i have with this four minutes twenty. Memories and associations and feelings and events that have been accumulating for 8 months. And there's no way i'd have ever known about this shit little band if it weren't for OM.

And sure, that's an extreme example, local band that happens to be friends with the store. but still, there's so much i'd have never bought if it weren't for OM having it on their shelves. Stuff i love now, and has become a part of me. AM/FM, Bonnie Billy's more revery, Cex, Death Cab, Dntel, Dump, Eitzel, the Faint, Figurine, Kleenex Girl Wonder, Le Tigre, Mum, Pinback, Silver Jews, Spoon, Superchunk, Whiskeytown... i'[d be lucky if newbury carried 20% of those titles. ANd sure, i could do mail-order, and i will do mail-order. But i guarantee you, if it weren't for these 8 months of physical shopping, who knows where i'd be. I certainly would never mail-order for the white stripes. I will now, but not before, not without this confidence in new music. I needed this period of impulse buying to give me faith in sending away and waiting a week.

i've lost something. will i even go into cambridge now, to hang out in cambridge and catch up on my life without that promise of new music i'm excited for? this sucks. I'll miss that fucking trendy-ass store. And i'm buying a goddam t-shirt to wear around in support.

uhh so i went to work and listened to tunes and read.

this go back snowball album is fun. it's a collaboration by mail. Mac McCaughan of superchunk wrote and recorded all the music and then sent it to ohio where bob pollard of GBV wrote and sang the lyrics. so it's weird, the two never met, and listening to it, it's just odd, knowing that pollard could have done anything, but he did what's on disc. aside from that, i'm really into it. superchunk music with pollard vocals, a very unnatural mix, but i'm digging it, proving once and for all that yes, i can have opinions that differ from pitchfork.

and then class and then more reading and then rehearsal where i read a lot more because i'm doing perc on the song we're learning.

oh, so i was in the office reading this blue angel book my mom gave me, and the part i was reading is when the professor finds out the student that he is becoming unwillingly attracted to, wrote a bunch of erotic poetry her freshman year and bound it all together and submitted it to the library. so he wants to read it, and he goes to the library and is all sweating and nervous and looking over his shoulder because what if someone saw him taking this book of dirty poems from a student of his. and he finally gets it and then goes home, locks himself in his office, still incredibly nervous and worrying and reads some of it. so i read this, and then i finished and then carolyn walked in and then I felt incredibly awkward and ashamed and dirty. it was such a weird transferral. i guess that's good writing that i was able to take over the role and thoughts of the character i was reading. anywhere, a pretty weird experience if i do say so.

and then i came home and drank beers and darren and i won three in a row at beirut and then came the radio show. i drank more and then tim and some girl phonetically named cara and i sang, screamed rather, the entirety of total eclipse of the heart on the air and that was a blast.

now i'm done, getting ready for sleep soon i suppose.

tomorrow i must go shopping for a middlemarch costume. but first, i must watch the movie with an imaginative eye in the hopes that possibly i can come up with some idea for costumes that lori and i can wear together so we can be all cool and chic and stuff.

peace.

what's this? two entries in one day? that's insane, entry-wise.

Anyway, just back from harvard with brenda. There was a bit of an initial scare when, exactly at the time I told her we had to leave, I went across the hall to find an empty room. I hemmed and hawed and fretted and wondered what to do. Eventually, i went downstairs, cranked a butt figuring i'd just wait a little longer and then leave a message and head on my way, fully expecting not to see her till after i got back from the show. Well, as I was out there pulling out my cell phone, who do i see running across the parking lot towards the res?

So, we powerwalked and even ran a little bit of the way, only to be on time for a bus that must've been 5 minutes ahead of schedule. SO we caught the next bus, rode in, I powershopped at OM: Neutral Milk Hotel - Everything Is, Low - Some new single, Modest Mouse - Everywhere And His Nasty Parlour Tricks, Spiritualized - Let It Come Down, Sparklehorse - It's a Wonderful Life, Clinic - Internal Wrangler, and Death Cab For Cutie - The Photo Album.

Then we saw the movie. It's so wonderful. I knew that, and now Brenda does, so hooray. It was funny, in the new year's eve scene, some folks are in a bar singing auld lang syne, and i got all weird and nostalgic for that time of year. Like this warmth just washed over me. It was fun. There was another movie on the bill, the out-of-towners, but we didn't catch that.

Instead, Brenda had a horrible run-in with a clown and we went to newbury comics, where i spent even more money on the new Dylan CD and the Guffman and Citizen Kane DVDs. Then we hit up some joint for coffee, tea, mozarella sticks, and apple pie. I can't remember if I tried pie last year, so it's quite possible this was my first time. It wasn't bad. Then homeward bound.

Now I'm here. After watching 6 or 7 episodes of Buffy this afternoon, I am fully prepared to watch one more, possibly two now. I'm so damn excited.

And despite what Darren may think, i'm totally digging this mates of state disc.

la la la

saturday was gorgeous. I got a haircut and then drove around side streets with the windows down blasting kleenex girl wonder. Then i came home and i don't remember. I drove with sean and brenda to blockbuster and mcdonald's, then a lot of beer was bought, oh yeah earlier in the day i worked on power hour #6. Which we did, adam katie mike oly sean me tim brenda jeff tara and i drank a lot. and then we played flip cup. And then we started to play kings and i was like "uh-uh" and then my body said "hey, surprise, you know all that beer you were drinking? here, take it back! and the same goes for that fucking mcdonalds! you should eat healthy, you know."

Sunday i took my time waking up, then showered, did laundry, got dressed, and drove out to wellesley to bartend for TIM's aunt's party. It was a fine time, i poured a lot of wine and made a few drinks for a bunch of old people. Walked away with $80 which aint' too shabby. Came home, drove to the buster of block, then came home again and basically fucked around for a long while when i should've been doing work. Eventually got my work done and went to bed around 4:30 because i was across the hall, which once mouths start opening and vocal chords begin producing noise, can prove to be a huge timesink. Also, it WAS a sunday, which, throughout the year has far and away been my latest night of the week.

Today today today, classed, didn't class, came home, footballed, and read. read the first chapter of this book teach has been going on and on and on about and it's pretty damned interesting. And then i started reading a book my mom gave me way back at the beginning of the year, which , in the 15 pages or so i've read, seems like it may be alright.

ok, off to read more and possible write. i have a story due monday and i desperately need something great to write about.

by the way, the notwist album, neon golden, totally rules me. i've listened to it well over fifteen times since the train ride home.

Just read something in this book that i really enjoyed, so here it is, as i may want to refer to it tomorrow and may very well forget i read it:

"there's something erotic about the act of teaching, all that information streaming back and forth like some ... bodily fluid. Doesn't Genesis trace sex to that first bite of apple, not the fruit from just any tree, but the Tree of Knowledge?"

yeah, my mom gave me a book about fucking chickens and a professor who masturbates during office hours, what a nut.

On wednesday, after less than two hours of sleep (why my body refuses to let me sleep when i have to be up early the next day) i got up, packed and headed to south station where i boarded a train to go back to jersey. The train was fun, i've never ridden one in the states that wasn't a glorified subway of some sort. And i got home, and hung out and watched tv. and the next day went along much in the same way.

Then, i woke up this morning and drove back to boston. The room was miraculously still clean when i got here, which makes me think that maybe the reason it gets messy is because of me, and not because of natural and uncontrollable forces. So that was kind of a downer. When i got here i got right to work on the latest power hour.

Then i put up an away message saying i was going to cambridge for cds and a show. Steve IMs me and asks if i was going to pinback. Indeed i was. Turns out, he had 2 tickets from WZBC, so i hung around, he came over and we went down into cambridge. I bought cds: Owen - Owen (Mike Kinsella of American Football), Go Back Snowball - Calling Zero (Mac McCaughan of Superchunk and Bob Pollard), Mark Eitzel - West, Weezer - Pinkerton, The Faint - Blank-Wave Arcade, Elvis Costello - This Year's Model (the sexty 2 cd reissue), Clinic - Walking With Thee, and Death Cab For Cutie - The Stability EP.

I also bought a zebra gun.

Then we went to central square, i had mcdonalds, and we kicked it to the middle east. Got there in the middle of the first act, Douglas Fir, which was the epitomy of stupid medicrity. Then came Her Space Holiday, which was a laptop duo and it was mainly a performance set, prerecorded shit with some live stuff all atop a huge light show. And then finally came pinback. Good stuff, the bassist is insane. The guitarist sounded like john linnell. They sped up a lot of the stuff off their self-titled. But it was great.

And then, achey as hell i came home. It's been a while since i've actually stood for the entirety of a show. Makes me wonder how i'm going to hold up next saturday, more importantly, since she's never lasted a full show, makes me wonder if brenda will be able to hold up.

Once home, i was sad to see that elimidate was not on. I guess it's 1:30 and not two. I unwrapped my CDs, and now i shall return to the power hour. Featuring 15 never before heard tracks!

So I've officially given up. For the past three years, my spring breaks have been marked by excess: excessive drinking, excessive pushing my body past its limits, and excessive doing and seeing cool stuff. I can't do any of those this spring break, but I can still live it to excess. Excess of sloth and television. So i'm going to see if i can watch 12 hours of TV today. I have an assortment of chips, pretzels and candy. I have a cheeseburger for lunch and a chicken ceaser salad for dinner on their way from Johnny's in Newton. I have cokes. And i have my trusty palm pilot with keyboard so that I can record the entire process for posterity. So that years and years from now, when my kids bitch at me for not letting them go to the moon for their spring break, i can show them this and say "look, your father didn't have to go to the moon to have fun during his spring break. Now shut the hell up and make some nachos and watch tv."

I'm in my pyjamas. Is it that spelling, or is it pajamas? Does either work? Brady bunch is on now, i could watch PCU, but i think i'll watch the brady bunch. This show rules, it's so terribly sexist. I was reading last night's entry, and i was greatly amused actually. I particularly enjoyed the parts when i'd be jumping back and forth between elimidate and Fast Times without giving any warning. I also enjoy how fucking spastic i seem, with typos everywhere and the inability to keep one line of thought going for more than a sentence. I'm hungry, where's my burger? Wasn't mike brady in real life gay and died of aids? Rex reed i think his name was. Of course he was gay, "rex?" seriously.

So I saw a commercial for Drano Max. In this commercial they said that it worked better and faster than Liquid Plumber. Then i saw a commercial for Liquid Plumber saying that IT worked better and faster than Drano Max. Something's rotten in the state of denmark. Also, there was a girl on the brady bunch right now who was so terrible. I mean, her accent, if it was an accent was so bizarre. She just moved in from seattle, but she talked like a retarded british person. Ok the brady bynch is over, now what?

Holy shit, there's nothing on. i think i'll be switching between TRL and umm, i already forget what the other show was. Maybe i'll just watch quantum leap.

So this new shakira video is on VH1 and MTV right now, and i have this to say, Shakira sounds like she's retarded. There's not a single redeeming quality to her voice, she sounds TERRIBLE. What the hell is going on with the world? God DAMN it, i've seen this episode of quantum leap. Is that really elton john? he's not looking so bad.

Ooh, strongest man alive competition. I can switch between this and trading spaces and TRL. These dudes are pulling trains. So fucked up. I fucking love it that ALF is on the 10-10-220 commercial. that makes me happier than anything. Also, TLC is fucked up so i can't watch trading spaces. I don;t get world;s strongest man events: pull a train, carry a stone, life this, pull that. I wish they could come up with more interesting events. Uhoh, stumpy from England was using a ring to keep his arms around the stone, which have him an advantage over the guy from the USA. This fucking brit is taking away the title from our country. oh fuck. the feed just broke. and now espn2 became the tvguide channel.. Ok, saw britney and now espn2 is working again. ah shit, it's over. Dammit. I want more strongest man competitions!!! Oh for fucks sake, TLC is back but i've seen the goddam episode with the ugly ass rock fireplace. and now mtv is freaking out. What the hell is going on with the TV.

Who's idea were the banana runts? Seriously. they suck and no one likes them.

Yep, MTV just broke. Now i'm watching sabrina. this sucks everything i want to see i've either seen before or is fucking up on me.

Just saw two episodes of full house - didn't even flip the chnnel once. I'm getting soft. Cheers is on now. I'm tired. i kind of want to bring in a mattress so i can lay down. Odd, cliff's mom is on screen, i don't think i've ever seen her before.

Well, been a while. I sort of napped through cheers and then whatever was on after it and then my mom called and i was checking train schedules, looks like i'm leaving the dorm around 7:30 tomorrow. And then i watched the simpsons. Then came that 70's show, which is infinitely more better than that 80's show. And then i watched undeclared, which isn't bad and apparently has rufus wainwright's dad on the show. During that show i had my ceaser salad, good stuff.

Now i'm watchin frasier, and let me say this. Hurray for frasier for still being an entertaining, smart, and funny show after all these years. Friends is a freak show now, and most other shows don't last as long. But frasier still has me laughing. Fantastic.

The commercial i just saw sucked... it was for glade plugins and the push was that "hey, we've got an extraq outlet built in" working the premise that if your plugin air freshener doesn't have the extra plug, then you are probably too incompetent to actually unplug the air freshener, thus making it so that you can never use an extra appliance. People are dumb.

uhoh. 9:30 on a tuesday night... i guess i watch scrubs. tara said it was good, i'll give it a shot. When does the reality dating block start?

It's funny, yesterday and today mike was in boston pimping out for this new online banking system ING Direct, he was dressed up as a minuteman handing out cars and letting the masses know that on wednesday morning, ING is buying the T fares for the entire city from 6:30-9:30, and tomorrow i get to ride one of those free Ts. Hmm, this show ain't bad. I really liked it - i want it to be on again but alas. Now we enter the dreaded 10pm. Real World is on, vomit. Wow, there's really nothing on. Guess i'll watch 30 minutes of back to the future 3 and then th osbournes. U2 @ red rocks in on, but it keeps being interrupted by some bitch telling me to pledge money to WGBH. Besides, even when they're showing the concert, there is a huge black "pledge now!" bar across the bottom of the screen. but i'll watch it nonetheless. the edge is weird looking in 1983. sometimes i forget how much early u2 rocks. Like, they've been playing shit from boy and october, and this is such a great fucking rock n roll sound. This shit wouldn't fly today. It's also pretty cool that these guys have had tahe same lineup for about 25 years. And you never hear about any backstage horror stories of interband problems. alright, "party girl." bah, more lame talking from the pledgetakers.god this guy is lame, trying to be all hip talking about u2. ha, he just looked all goofy like tobey maguire.ouch, their goal is 85 calls. guess this is pretty local. they've only gotten 23. wish i had $80... i'dc= make it 24. they just played this damn song. When doc brings this chick back from the old west, doesn't that seriuosly fuck up the whole space-time continuum? How do they explain that one? I forget, but it's probably very half-assed. Ahahah just saw footage from a cher concert and the front row is all muscular gay guys.

Yay, the osbournes are on. This could be funny. ahahahah only 3 minutes in and i already love it. This is great. They all swear with british accents. And ozzy has dead things and crucifixes and shit. i want ozzy to be my dad. Ha, his kids have so much attitudem telling the nanny to fuck off and what not. Ahahah i can;t understand a goddam word they;re saying but kelly, the daughter, just threw something at jack's (the son) nutes. Yay. That show was greatl Ok, reality dating block is beginning, i should move into the reality dating show.

Ok, this dismissed has given me promises of lesbians. I opened my bag of tostitos and they are making mefeel all sorts of funny. I wish i had shredded cheese. Oh no! I left the remote on the couch. Shit. They seem stale, even though i just opened them. Watching the commercial for Panic Room I just realized something. In this growing age of technology, killers have lost a serious edge. Simply cutting a phone line just won't do it anymore now that everyone has cell phones. DisMissed sucks. It's like elimidate, but every interaction between the contestants is forced, it's like scripted trash talking. Although i will say, these shots of this chick's ass in a bikini are pretty nice. What a whore. She's dressing up in bikinis and dancing on a table for them. I repeat: what a whore. Come on dude, put on a bikini, it'll get you laid. It so won't, she's so playing him. She's gonna end this night with a chick. now he's getting a assage - in a bikini. haha the guy in the timeout is a dork. This show is sad. and, she's a total whore. she's a tease, she won't kiss him. What a fucking player. Now she's making the other dude go skinny dipping by hisself. SHe's SO not putting out to anyone. But she's making them think she will. I love it. ooooh he got a kiss on the cheek. Ha. hahaha AND he got dismissed. she kissed the dude that she kept on the cheek and he went for more and she was like "uh-uh" oh, and she totally admitted she was totally playing them. That rules. What a whore. eh, these two girls aren't that hot. the main girl is fucking hot though. god damn, look at her in a bikini. How old are these people? They look a lot younger than the blind date elimidate peeps. These girls look like 20. "It doesn't take a lot for me to orgasm." once again, what a whore. i heartd reality dating shows. oh yeah, hot tub lesbians. ooh, sensual strawberry eating. oooh, shower lesbians. oooh, soaping each other up lesbians. oooh slow-dancing lesbians. oooh doesn't-kiss-on-the-first-date lesbian. she's still a whore though.

The fifth wheel is on now. I said it last night, but i still mean it. alicia keyes is a cool host. is the fifth wheel always a girl? Because this is the fourth episode i've seen and there has been no guy fifth wheel yet. i really dug the fifth wheel last night. Ha this dude is ripping into the fifth wheel at their private dinner time. it's great. Cool, the guido is making out with the fifth wheel. and the nice guy is getting on with the cute girl and they're being all cutesy. Yay.

took a break to im and listen to music before the next wave of reality dating. But then my iming ended and i came back out here and guess what? there's a surprise episode of blind date! Wow, this show is getting raunchy. The little comments just referenced a hand job and used the word "funbags." and another hand-job reference. and now a cum refrence - dear god. hahaha roger lodge is great, "is it sweeps? it's gotta be sweeps." haha roger just did a "and by XXX, I mean YYY."

Ok, i really don't like change of heart. it sucks. And now, psychics. Like i kind of see how person to person psychic readings people can buy, because you;re in the room with the person and there is that whole "psychic energy" thing happening when two bodies are in the same room. but these phone readings? I just don't buy it. Are we supposed to believe that psychic energy can travel through telephone lines? Because i don't. Man, the premise for this show is sick. It really is, let's take a couple and send them out on different dates and try to ruin their rocky relationship. Granted, this episode both people pulled the change of heart card, but how awful if one picks the opposite. Ugh. Gross. Now onto something much more wholesome.

ELIMIDATE!!!!!!!!!!

Hmm, 4 guys on one girl this time around. Wonder if it'll be as fun as the past two i've seen with 4 girls... we shall see. Guys aren't nearly as catty as girls. sad. eww the exotic/dancer aspiringsinger-songwriter busted out a guitar and started singing the girl a song about archie comics. fucking lame ass song. alright, in poor elimidate fashion, one of the guys took her on a ride around the block in a limo - i really don't think that that kind of early isolation is allowed. hmm i have a blister on my index finger, probably from sunday night when i pulled the tray of potato skins out of the oven and it hurt like hell. uhoh, the guy who took her on the limo ride just bought her a hat. he;s trying a little hard here. "it matches your toenails" gay. OUCH. for the final elimination, she called three of her girlfriends to come and observe and help her decide. Talk about making sure theres no making out. And her dog. this girl is a horrible elimidate contestant.

And we'll wrap the night up with a final blind date.

So i don't get it, is mtv's flipped for real? is it scripted? I just jumped in mid episode and know nothing of the show's premise. I just see some junkie girls, one of them with an MTV microphone passed out on the floor. I';m so confused. The strokes have a commercial on MTV. Sellouts, selling out the lycos and MTV. ha. whatever, it's funny.

I just took off my shoe and now my foot is cold. I swear to god, i think they turned the heat off in this place. It's really cold and i keep turning up the heat and it isn't doing anything. Also, i'm officially here alone, and it sucks. Brenda and Sarah left today. I mean, i'm in here watching tv (which i am so not excited about) and it's just not fun. It was fun when sean or sarah was in here watching, but shit, it's just not cool now. I still don't get this flipped show, because now there are cops and medics and they're buying cocaine or shit. And people are getting arrested. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW?

I hate NTV. Even dismissed, which belongs to the nearly infallible genre of reality dating programs, sucks. Ok, now we have a girl's mother crying because her daughter is in a coma from cocaine. I just want this fucking explained to me. someone, please. Like seriously, they have camera crew and boom mics in the jail cell, this can't be real. Oh, wait, it's fake. Well, sort of fake. They take these kids and scare them by making them go to jail and see shit like crackheads. Fuck you MTV, you had me confused for so long and now i'm just pissed off at you becase i've wasted 20 minutes watching 2 kids getting caught a lesson. Here's an idea, i'm a parent who can't control my kid, :MTV, scare the shit out of my child and do the parenting i can't and get good ratings to boot!" Once again, a big "fuck you" goes out to MTV.

Uh-oh, dismissed is on next.

So yesterday, i had to get up at 8:30 for showering and stuff. The sucky part is that i went to bed late and then couldn't sleep because i was getting sick or something. So i got up and made it to the studio on time, and sat there for 12 hours. Leaving twice for a cigarette break. Oh man, seinfeld, friends, dismissed or the third wheel. This is intense. BLIND DATE TOO?!?!??! this is NOT FAIR.

So at the stduio we mixed for songs and they song pretty damn cool i think. Steph sean and i took turns sleeping, sometimes 2 at a time. Then we got a ride to kenmore and i got poppers at burrito max, and then back to BC.

The plan was a slumber party. Some drinking, maybe a movie, pyjamas and maybe an underwear-clad pillow fight or two.

Shit, blind date is on so much, but i'm not sure if this episode will be on later, oh no oh no oh no. blind date it is, i can find something later if this one is repeated.

it was going to be me steph and sean. Got home and i went across the hall to invite sarah over and brenda was there, so i invited. then they came and i showed off the bostonians stuff and then steph came, then sean, and then we played beirut, quarters, 7-11 doubles, and rummy. Steph passed out drunk, sean went to sleep, sarah passed out drunk and brenda and i kicked it in the common room playing cards talking and listening to the secrets and TMBG.

Didn't get to bed till 6:30, and had an interesting series of those very very confusing dreams. They were SO intense.

oh my god, this blind date they went to a nudist colony and it's a bunch of old naked people. I'm scared.

It was a hell of a night, and apparently there's a chunk of time i don't remember. Those are the best, beause i'm pretty sure i was just funny forgetful. Yay for drunk. Boo for being here all alone and now about to embark on the lamest spring break ever. Huzzah.

So i didn't really get out of bed today until about 3pm. Then i showered, hung out across the hall, and went with brenda down to cleveland circle to eat. We went to the wrap and i wish i hadn't gotten the teriyaki chicken. Then B left and I met sean to go downtown and see mike running around boston in a minuteman costume barking about how some bank was buying everyone's T fares for 3 hours wednesday morning. but alas, he was done 2 hours early so we didn't seem him all done up. The four of us (steph too) went to quincy market for food, where i got a hot dog but wish i had gotten a cheesesteak and i also got cheesefries. Then we all came home, i got my magic popcorn from government center. I arrived, and sank quickly into depression.

I am desperately hungry and we have no food. And i'm really cold and i think i've resigned myself to watching the tv for the rest of the night. I'm just not motivated to do anything, and there really isn't much to do. Maybe sleep, but there's so much reality dating on tv.

I don't know why i don't check out the blind date website to see how the couples have progressed since their date.

I don't know when i'm going home, i guess i should do it soon, but i really just don't want to do anything. Especially take multiple trains or ride in a car for many hours.

Spring Break sucks. And belle and sebastian is sold out. I wonder what show is on next. I wonder how many reality dating shows i can string together without a break. I bet i can go until 2. Looks like the fifth wheel next.

Good god. I'm HUNGRY. I NEED SNACK FOOD AND MUCH OF IT. IT'S TOO COLD TO WALK TO MADDIE'S. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. why can't the girls across the hall have any good snack food for me the munch on. I just need chips or pretzels or saltines or fruit roll ups or sour patch kids or better cheddars or fruit or popcorn or jalapeno poppers or anything, god dammit, anything that's not a meal. Ok, I'm going to quickly go foraging before my nextprogram. I found popcorn and a cupcake. I rule.

Finished my popcorn, but it didn't fix me. I have a thing where if i'm sitting down watching tv alone i need to be eating the entire time. And i can't do that now,especially since maddie's is closed. This sucks. Also, i like how I can tell that blind date and the fifth wheel are the same production company. Also, i've only seen one episode of shipmates, and it's on now. Go figure. Cute, Ted and Harmony got together. Too bad her name isn't Melody, because then it'd be like hey dude.

Oh no! it's midnight and there's nothing reality and dating on the tv. What am i going to do?!?!?!?

I wish i was in my room, and then i wouldn't have to sit through the tvguide channel's dumb scrolly thing. C'mon c'mon lets have something good on. Hmm, Mad TV and a bunch of second-rate sitcoms. what the fuck is beat the geeks? i'll watch this maybe. otherwise it's king of the hill. The host looks like a bad matt damon impersonator.

This show sucks. The questions are easy and the geeks aren't entertaining. Oooh, fast times is on. Hahaha that's sean penn. That fucking slays me. Uhoh, i can see myself settling in and watching this movie.

This quite possibly is the worst entry ever. Even worse than the one that was six words or the ones that are an illegible mess. This is just me, watching tv and commenting on it. I make no insights, i just say shit like "the host of the fifth wheel is cool." Ooh, i like the song in the movie now. Tom Petty's American Girl, although i can't hear it without thinking about silence of the lambs. This movie is so good, but i've got to watch geeks and broaden my television scope.

hahaha judge rheinhold rules. I don't get it. The show i'm watching sucks, and the movie i could be watching rules. Yet, i stick with the shitty show. She beat the geek, great. The geek got asked an unfair question and she had to answer something really easy. Another geek down. Contestant gets asked who directed jurassic park. Geek gets asked who directed JP3, and gets it wrong by one letter in the middle of the name. This show is gay.

Hey, it's nick cage. I didn't know he was in this movie. I'd like to see this movie unedited. Mainly because the dubs on swears are annoying, but phoebe cates' breasts would be nice, too. Hmm, they left in the carrot blowjob scene, it may have been edited, but i've never seen it even partially included. ooh things are heating up with the star trek geek. yay star trek geek. whoa, now the other contestant challenged the star trek geek, what is she thinking? This guy is intense. ha, you suck girl. uhoh, super bonus speed round. oh shit the blonde chick in fast times is hooking up. I'm torn. fast ties went to commercial. huzzah. final showdown time. nooooooo commercial.

I know i've said this to many people before, but winnie the pooh, seriously. What in god's name does "the pooh" mean? a pooh? what's a pooh, and why is he THE pooh? I mean, they say pooh-bear, but as far as i know, pooh-bears are not officially recognized. by whoever names animal species. So maybe that dude who invented this shit made up pooh-bears. But still, i think we need a consise description. Like "the pooh-bears are an interesting family of ursus, who have a tendency to get their bums caught incircular windows adn speak with a silly accent." but we don't even get that. Milne, that's his name. Maybe the secret is in the books. I shall check them out. uhoh, pheobe cates pool scene soon, hurry up geeks. Ok geeks is over. But now do i look for reality dating or watch fast times?

I bet you're very excited if you've read this far, because you may have actually been entertained for a moment with the pooh thing above. I'm still not over it myself. Keep reading as i assure you, over the next few hours i will come up with something as, if not more entertaining.

hahahaa spicolli has a bagel in his pants. yeah yeah sean penn. OK, i think ben stiller as the teacher in ferris beuller is completely overrated. I don't find him that entertaining, and i dislike that "beuller" has become some gay thing that people say and expect to get a laugh. This dude, the teacher in fast times, now this guy's a teacher. So was Nick Freno.

I may have just solved a mystery. It was really cold, so i turned on the fan, and the fan blows hot air. now i will invariably become too hot. But i was dying, i went into my bedroom and realized i would have to be like that little girl in the 1-800-JOE-4-OIL commercial and put on gloves and coats and scarves and hats before going under my cover. I've learned so much about my world these past few days because i've watched so many commercials. Like, did you know that have breathable maxipads now? Or that Paul Hogan got a haircut?

Fuck, elimidate is going to be on during the end of fast times. I fear that if i start watching it without flipping now, i'm going to never forgive the choice i make. oh no, brad got fired. Yep. Definitely getting hot and i just can't win.

Oh, the wayne brady show makes me want to vomit. So does that 80's show. Oh shit, he forgot his wallet, good movfe stud. This is a funny scene. This is a great movie. I kind of want that cupcake now, but i also don't want to get up. Where's a roommate or roommette when I need one?

Oh, the jew's gonna blow his chance to makeout with brad's sister and disasterous events will result. what a little whore. Then she's gonna get knocked up by mike and then the jew is gonna get really pissed at everyone. Man she's such a whore, she was gonna put out. Too bad she's acting out of pressure, and then she's gonna have to have an abortion. Hmm, this commercial would be a great cupcake break. And yet, i don't make a move to get up.

I should go across the hall, and curl up on the couch there and watch tv. Their room is much more inviting to go curl up in. However, the tv is small and far away from the couches. I should at least get out of these jeans and into pyjamas. I could use the bathroom too, making that series of a few minutes the most efficient thing i will have done all day. Next commercial maybe. oh shit. Fast times or elimidate. this is so hard, i should not have to deal with this. I wish i had TIVO, then i couuld watch them both. I guess i could tape one, but then it becomes a whole process, it's be much easier to control TIVO from this chair. '

ahahahah this TMC commercial with the old people acting out Rocky is fucking hilarious.

Last night was a lot of fun. So was wendesday and thursday night. I like these nights were i get wasted but stay happy. Also, could last thursday seem like it was any further away? I mean jesus, it was what, 4 days? seems like years.

Ha, the next movie is she's out of control. I think reality dating programs are a better bet. I don't remember this "Spicolli drives a car while on ludes" scene either. hahah spicolli is pretty smart, he handled the car being smashed up like a pro. Ahahahah brad in the pirate suit, that's priceless. ok, HERE's the pool scene. About time. I'd do either of these girls. Wow, phoebe cates has HOT. Too bad brad isn't even remotely believable as a high school senior. oh shit, she walks in on him masturbating? I never noticed that before. ok, cupcake time.

During that commercial break, i went to the bathroom, washed my hands, changed into my pyjamas AND got a cupcake. I rule. That popcorn didn't hit the spot, now i'm feeling all popcorny and i hate that. I don't think that this cupcake is gonna do it either. My life sucks. i love it when he orders the pizza to class. oh shit brad's sister, don't come on to mike, he'll just get you pregnant. and get those goddam chili peppers or whatever the fuck they are out of your hair. Uhoh, you can see he's conflicted, i mean the jew, his friend, really like brad's sister, but in the end he sells out his bro. bad move man, bad move.

oh shit oh shit, elimidate is on soon. cue jackson brown. Cue the naked kids. Cue the sex. Cue the fertilized egg.

ha, brad's manager at pirate land looks like tim harrington of les savy fav fame. God brad, you are so not a high school student. He's got some serious rage issues.

Touching scene. Nice brother sister moment. Good thing she didn't have the good sense to actually wait until brad had driven out of site before walking towards teh clinic, otherwise she would have walked home alone.

whoops, sorry elimidate. llook's like you're reduced to commercial breaks. Oh shit, it's a bunch of whores though, this'll be good. oh no, so torn. WHOA does he have 5 girls on this date?!? what the fuck what is this shit. I CAN'T NOT WATCH THIS. AHHHHHHHHHHH.. He kicked out one of the ones that had maximum whore potential.

oh shit, i forgot what channel fast times was on. Not so much forgot, but never bothered to look. ok. 38. Oh man, Uli such a whore, but she's got a bad attitude and she might get booted. Kick out this bitch, i don't like her. The brunette is cool, reminds me of the wife on Everybody Loves Raymond. Gina sucks too. Looks like it was fast times that got demoted to commercial break status. but now watching fast times i don't know what i'm going to do. the jew is being all nice to brad's sister. She's thinking what a mistake she made. haha jessica got cut. I need two tvs. Picture in picture wouldn't work because i want to hear both. haha going to a club. this could get fun. god gina sucks. i want the brunette to win, she's cuter than uli, uli's got a nast face and is too skinny. dana. vote dana! dana, make out with him. Oh wow, i called it and she did it. she didn't make out. hahaha gina won't kiss him, dana didn't even open mouth him. GINA SUCKS. you made a connection alright gina, a connection with being a dumb bitch. And uli is just a whore. DANA DANA DANA. i want to do a body shot. Gina so sucks. wouldn't have the body shot on her stomach. oh yeah, go dana, show him what you're made of. Gina go home to your cardigan wearing boyfriend. WHIPPED CREAM FIGHT. oh my god, DON'T PICK ULI TO WIN YOU DUMB ASSHOLE. ha, this is where the teacher comes to spicolli's room. ah shit, the big dance. ahaha gina you dumb bitch. alright, another crazy club. this'll be good. boo, they're just dancing. make out. grind. yeah dana. oh, she's drinking a beer, too. I think i'm in love. uli, you're a dumb whore. Dana, you're drunk, but i still love you. yeah yeah yeah real kisses. Uli, you tramp, go back to germany. eww, smeared lipstick all over him. Dana, you rule. Those kisses were lame. So much better in the last elimidate i saw. yay, the jew went to the mall to see brad's sister for the dance. What a sweetheart. Then she kissed him. And now Brad saves the store. throw out ULI. Do it! Do it! Do it! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!! DANA 4 EVER!!!!suck it down bitch, oh dana you're so cute and so hot. and i love you.

I wonder if a good relationship can start from this show. "oh honey, remember when we met on elimidate and i shamelessly threw myself at you so as to outdo those other girls doing the same?" "yeah, you were a real tramp." "I love you."

ok, 2am. I think it's blind date time. Ooh, tom green is on. Definitely getting sorta hot now. Cool. ha. I want bloussant. BLIND DATE BLIND DATE. WOOHOO. but then i think my reality dating shows are over. What will i do after that? I wonder what rendezvous is. fuck. 2:30 sucks for TV.

Ananda lewis needs to die. Ooh, Cops is always fun. ooh this is a good arrest. ah shit, it IS the blind date from earlier. Ooh, a surprise in the trunk. Holy SHIT, they foundfucking cremation remains in the pimp's trunk?! weird. oh, it's the ashes of her mother. hahah, the cops are fucking laughing as this girl is crying about them handling her mothers remains. these guys are great. Another gun. This is the best cops ever. Well, was. I'm on a dreaded commercial now. I'll tell you what i need, newton dance party. Or even better, newton high school tv.

Next commercial i'm going to get more water. Man, Cops is a sad show. Who are these people. Wow, this guy is on house arrest and has a bracelet around his ankle that makes sure he doesn't leave. That's fucking cool. this is so sad. hahaha the drunk mother just tried to bust past a cop. and he jjust smiled and was like "uh-uh."

holy shit, the hallway between our room and the roommettes' is the coldest 3 feet in the world. Some asshole opened the windows at the end of the hallway and i'm too lazy and cold to go down to close them. Also, the girls' room is pretty cold. Almost enough that i may not go back for another glass of water

grrrrrreat. Andy Richtner has a new sitcom and it looks awful.

So that last COPS segment: some dude, cranked up on PCP, naked, breaks into a school, gathers all the fire extinguishers and then sprays anyone who comes close. This show is hilarious. I can't believe home improvement is still on syndication. Although it was great when Mark turned all goth.

So if you're still reading, sorry. I haven't had anymore Pooh moments like i promised. This has just turned into me watching tv and typing about it because i can and it entertains me. Ok, i watch COPS to see crazy people, not to see these touching police ceremonies. Show me some coked up whores! 24 is a great idea for a show. I should watch it. In these past 4 days i have watched more TV than i have n total during hte school year. Well, maybe not, survvivor took up about 15 hours or so. but still, this has been a sick amount of TV. uhoh, a cop is hurt. This isn't entertaining at all. ooh, someone imd me, let's go see who it was. eh, just sean. I need to call one of these psychi lines. I'd do it now, they probably ask for the credit card right away hoping you lose track of time. I'd do it now but my phone and wallet aren't within arm's reach. These guys are hassling this dude, bad cops, man. "obstructing justice" these guys suck, this is a wrongful arrest, they don't have cause i don't think. Fucking pigs. ok, they were right though, they followed a hunch and got the right guy. I just don't kknow if they had probably cause to arrest in the first place. ha, this guy's got a sense of humor though, considering he's fucked. that was cute.

Hmm, that cops was a huge let down after the one before it. It's 3am now, i'm gonna give the tv guide channel a final shot. uhoh i see myself getting hooked into this new to tell the truth. fuck. oh yeah, this'll be good. i love bad tv. Wow, Karen duffy is not looking all that great anymore. God i lov esecond rate gameshows with third rate celebrities.

ok, this is retarded. it's 3:30 and i'm going to bed.

so last night it was the mix for brenda, tonight it's tara's. we'll see how they compare, although i doubt i'll make it through the whole thing.

---

01 - the twilight singers - the twilite kid: "rock steady baby, your man is dead" so what if i start out with the same song, it's a killer opener.

I'm on such a cleaning kick, i just went out for a smoke and i had a serious urge to come back into my room, get the fantastic and some paper towels and fucking go clean the elevator. No joke. I'm a man possessed.

02 - crooked fingers - new drink for the old drunk: "hours pass by half forgotten / night turns black cause it's rotten / and we slide right to the bottom / our tongues made out of cotton." great song. and another about alcohol. Nice little march thing going on, great lyrics. yeah eric.

So today i woke up at about 1, stayed in bed listening to the entirety of sparklehorse's "it's a wonderful life" and then got out of bed at about 2. I like that album, even the fucking weird ass tom wait collaboration is growing on me. I should buy the second crooked fingers album when i go shopping later this week.

03 - ben lee - cigarettes will kill you: "and i need a tv embrace."

tv, it's become my friend these past two days. And could i possibly watch more reality dating shows? Sarah came over at about 11 and we watched blind date and then SNL, which had a dismissed skit, and then we saw another episode of blind date and then we wrapped up with TLC's A Dating Story. Seriously, how many goddam dating reality shows are there? Blind date, the fifth wheel, the love cruise, shipmates, elimidate, a dating story, change of heart, blah blah blah and blah. And i'll happily watch any of them.

04 - david gray - babylon: oh david, i don't care if people be hatin' on you these days. You're still cool with me.

As i listen to this cd, i'm cheating a little, because i have to be up in a mere few hours, so i'm kinda cutting through the songs so i can hear what's next. Whatever, i'll sleep to this tonight.

05 - neutral milk hotel - in the aeroplane over the sea: man, another song i haven't heard for a long time. I can tell you when it was last, it was the night i had a goth dance party all by myself here in edmonds, and then threw in this disc. read about it here. "what a beautiful face i have found in this place that is circling all around the sun."

06 - built to spill - car: heard this one a bit more recently. Love it. "i wanna see movies of my dreams." Want a car entry? how about this. Actually a pretty big entry for me.

07 - jeff bukley - last goodbye: yeah jeff. "must i dream and always see your face."

08 - belle & sebastian - mary jo: "because life is never dull in your dreams" funny, after i said earlier that i'm skipping through songs, now i'm listening to them in their entirety, and oddly enough, not writing anything else.

09 - sigur ros - staralfur: I read the english lyrics for this last night. Interesting, yeah, they kind of dulled the magic, but also, they have a very disconnected quality to them that made them very much not pedestrian. very child like, but somehow, it works. "A little elf stares at me / runs towards me but doesn’t move / from place - Himself / a staring elf"

So when i got up at 2 today, i threw on my laundray and immediately began cleaning. I cleaned and i cleaned and i cleaned. Listend to trail of the dead, boards of canada, aphex twin, the clash and godspeed you black emperor.

10 - badly drawn boy - the shining: another repeat, oh well. "soleil, all over you."

11 - anne previe - torn: i'm on a fucking roll here. "illusion never changed into something real / i'm wide awake and i can see / the perfect sky is torn."

so my room is looking pretty nice. The bedroom has never looked nicer, actually. Too bad it'll only stay this way for like a day. I spent so long in our bathroom today. That fucking shower is beyond help. Scrubbing bubbles after scrubbing bubbles, fantastic after fantastic, shower cleaner after shower cleaner, scrubbing with towels, shirts and sponges. And still, i could not remove all the film. Oh well, it was a most noble effort.

12 - the dismemberment plan - the city: the song that made me recognize what a fucking amazing drummer the plan has. Such intensity from travis, too. "all - i ever say - now - is - goodbye"

13- elliott smith - angeles: ah, so lovely and darkly etherial. "be forever with my poison arms around you."

14 - the afghan whigs - now you know: more anger from mr. dulli. "we bit into a rotten one, now didn't we?"

Ha, i just bought a new t-shirt. It involves *nsync. I'm excited. So the room is nice, that's phat. Got to get up in 5 hours for mixing. that'll be fun. Riiiiiiight.

15 - yo la tengo - you can have it all: oh yeah, yo la tengo covers disco classics with a sexy a cappella bossanova section. I love you georgia.

I want to buy another shirt, but i just don't know if i can pull of a red shirt with a pink and white pixellated heart. It's tempting, but shit, i just don't know.

16 - acoustic junction - the wind: ah yes, i'm certainly not too cool to like this song still. Huzzah.

17 - modest mouse - bankrupt on selling: oh isaac, you world-weary motherfucker. "and all of the angels /
they'd sell off yer soul for a set of new wings and anything gold

ok, looks like just one song left. fun day tomorrow, hopefully i'll make it through alive. Still don't know when/if i'm going home. Tuesday maybe?

18 - jets to brazil - sweet avenue: hey, guess what? blake doesn't have to be pissed off all the time. really dig this song, so bright and sunny after the vitriol of orange rhyming dictionary. "this cigarette it could seduce / a nation with its smoke "

note about the format of tonight's entry. I am sick of listening just to the 2001 ubermix, but was also too lazy to think about what album i wanted to hear. So i just threw in a mix i made back last may, and then for some reason felt like commenting as the tracks went by. So that's that.

01 - the twilight singers - the twilite kid: what a great song, and a perfect opener for a CD

Let's look at today in history, not in history as in the March 1st of years gone passed, but more like the friday before spring break. 3 years ago, a bright-eyed freshman, i was lugging my suitcases down to st. ignacius in the cold and deep deep snow. Getting ready to get on the bus and go to ireland. Two years ago, virtually the same trip with the bags and all, but without the snow, and not as cold, and i was going to vienna and prague. Last year, hungover as fuck, i was running late and walked across the street from vanderslice to the busses with a cigarette in my mouth and a punk as fuck attitude. And then this year. I woke up, hungover as hell, and showered and went to work. There at work, i listened to the knew ...and you will know us by the trail of the dead. Twice. I was kind of into it. I left work, still notably not feeling 100% and came home. Only person left was Tim who was on his way out the door. All my roommates gone, and sarah the only person left across the hall.

02 - the flaming lips - buggin': Unapologetic in its pure pop fun. A spring day with the windows down and the stereo pumping.

So with everyone in here gone, i entertained some notions of going to sleep, or watching farscape. I eventually settled on pumping the trail of the dead disc as loud as i could as i cleaned. I busted my ass in the common room and then a little more in the main entry place. The CD was growing on me, big time. It's loud, in your face rawk. But also, some really emotional bits thrown in and some serious epicosity throughout. After five or six listens, it's hard to pick a standout, but "how near how far" is really doing something for me.

03 - modest mouse - polar opposites: "i'm trying to drink away the part of the day that i cannot think away." word up, isaac.

Anyway, back to trail of the dead. "how near how far" is probably the most plaintive song on the disc, and it's just nailing me big time. About an oil painting: "i've rendered every line / every contour of a muse's eye / painted in my eyes mind / on canvases of time / i swear i know not why / those eyes have always left me dry." set to a gorgeous backdrop with a great middle of the song breakdown build. I dunno, this album is some great stuff. and i look forward to blasting it again tomorrow. Although i have a number of other new cds that need to be spun. Such a troubled life i lead...

04 - acoustic junction - melt: you know, as i grow up musically, i tend to let go of some of the more trad shit i listened to, like they aren't hip enough. Whatever, this is a gorgeous song, and it makes me no less cool because i dig it. "but last night, i had a dream..."

I decided early on that i'd be ordering food to be delivered to edmonds, thus eliminating the need for me to leave the building. And i literally spent about 30 minutes trying to find the goddam place on the internet that lets you order and pay for food without having to talk to anyone. Finally, i hit upon it, diningin.com. You'd think with a name like that, i'd fucking remember it, right? Anyway, i ordered from Charley's, and had a cup of french onion soup, and some london broil on it's way in an hour. Sweet.

05 - the afghan whigs - when we two parted: Greg Dulli back again after the first track. Dulli's classic vitriol based on a Lord Byron poem. Beautifully controlled anger that goes on with a painful slow burn rather than exploding at you.

So i'm outside vacuuming, check my phone and realize "shit, it's off the hook." Then i checked my messages and of course, delivery was here 15 minutes ago for 10 minutes and i missed the g-d call. I called diningin, and they said the driver could come back to the area in 15-30 minutes. Whatever, i thought. God invented microwaves for a reason.

06 - stars - the very thing: oh, stars. So comfortably decadent. Late nights, smooth beats, gentle vocals, and a deadbeat dad you almost have to love.

The reason the phone was off the hook, earlier TIM's aunt called me about the bartending gig TIM spoke of that i didn't think would materialize. Looks like i'm one of two tending bar at a party next sunday. Sure, i don't know shit about tending bar, but she first asked TIM if he'd do it, so i've nothing to worry about.

07 - tom waits - hold on: oh wow, remember tom waits? You can hate the weird stuff, but good god, can this man pen a ballad and tell a story that just takes your breath away. "she closed her eyes and started swaying / but it's so hard to dance that way: when it's cold and there's no music / oh your old hometown's so far away / but inside your head there's a record that's playing / a song called 'hold on' "

45 minutes passed since i called diningin, and i called again and they told me the driver was 2 minutes away, 2 minutes later my phone rang. I got my food, brought it up, and realized it was legal seafood, which is NOT what i ordered. Ring ring. Crazy man with the accent was addressing me like we were good friends and laughing, telling me he gave me the wrong food. I went back downstairs, we laughed, and we exchanged. And then finally i could eat. Huzzah.

08 - anne previn - torn: we can thank howard stern for getting me obsessed with this song. Love ya natalie, but this is real.

The soup was still warm, there was a salad i wasn't expecting, a big old piece of good bread i also wasn't expecting. And so much london broil that i have lunch for tomorrow. Sean came by during my feast. He watched as i ate and then we moved into the common room to watch tv, something that i realize i have almost completely taken out of my life. And i really don't think i'm any worse off for it.

09 - jeff buckley - lover, you should've come over: yeah, been a while since i've heard this, i'm such a bastard. "my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder."

so tv. And a lot of it. So much in fact, that it was a lot. We learned all about madame toussad's and the new michelle kwan wax figure. We also learned all about Bike Week in Daytona Beach, and about the many interesting things that happen there, such as the female coleslaw wrestling championships. and we watched a nonstop barrage of quick standup comedy cuts on BET, and a little bit of kid n' play's house party. and two episodes of blind date. and ren and stimpy, how that show was on Nickelodeon confuses the hell out of me. We watched a little bit of sebastian bach telling us what was metal or not. Learned a bit on what it's like to live like a rock star on some mtv cribs thing. and maybe more, but also some very entertaining commercials.

10 - badly drawn boy - the shining: looks like damon gough was maybe just a flash in the pan. Maybe he's working on something, but who knows, and who knows if it'll be any good. It's ok though, because what he gave us is some great stuff. "Now i've fallen in deep, slow silent sleep / it's killing me, i'm dying ... / to put a little bit of sunshine in your life."

Sometime around 11 or 12 maybe sean ordered dominos. And i ate some twisty bread, and i still smell it on my hands whenever i go to bite my nails or rest my chin on my hand or something and it makes me really wish that i wasn't so goddam lazy and would just get up to wash my hands.

11 - new pornographers - the fake headlines: i ought to buy this album. goddam clever canadians which an unsafe arsenal of great hooks. "make headlines / believe them / come back."

12 - belle & sebastian - get me away from here, i'm dying: they're coming in april, get your tickets now. "at the final moment i cried / i always cry at endings."

Sean left and almost immediately, sarah came home. We watched Insomniac. What a fucking funny funny show. Dave Atelle rules. And i'm so jealous, because he gets to walk around, get wasted, smoke cigarettes, and talk to people and be an ass. Funniest moment of the show, it's 4:30, he's shopping in a supermarket, wasted. Fills a basket with random shit and says "I can't wait till tonight when i'm at home fucking all of this." We were dying. Then came, umm, elimidate maybe. Also, one of the best shows on television. Nothing beats four girls whoring themselves out shamelessly to some lucky dude. And then being all bitchy and catty about each other. Comedy gold.

13 - sleater-kinney - you're no rock n' roll fun: yeah ladies. "all the boys in the band know how to get down / fill our christmas socks with whiskey drinks and chocolate bars."

Then came blind date again. It was an episode i had already seen that night, but it was ok. John Michael was almost as much fun to watch the second time around. I don't think that he beats the crazy biker dude from the earlier episode. He was said, kept saying to the girl and later to the camera that it was the best date he'd ever been on. And it was a really shitty date. But the point of these shows is to not get bogged down thinking about how sad they are and to just laugh and have a good time.

14 - the juliana theory - august in bethany: so what if i'm a sentimental fuck, i love this song. "with the sound of the ocean crashing 7:30 friday evening / everything comes tumbling down."

I feel as if i'm missing a show with sarah, oh well. She left at 2:30. Now it's 4. I really really really want/need to clean my actual bedroom tomorrow, it'll be such a nice feeling if i do it well.

15 - jets to brazil - i typed for miles: the anthematic "you keep fucking up my life" at the end breathes with a vitriol that even dulli would have to work at. bitterness and anger as effective as it gets. "in my three feet from bed to wall sleeps a genius."

Guess i'll just sleep a bunch tomorrow. Sean may come over to watch Goodfellas, and then either before or after i guess i'll clean. I think i have a drinking beer date with Sarah, and then we may just go do naughty things across the hall.

16 - elliott smith - say yes: ha. funny, i've been listening to this song a lot lately, and here it is on the mix i randomly played. "i could be another fool / or an exception to the rule / you tell me the morning after"

Winding down on this CD, and also on the things i have to say. Funny how this worked out in tandem so well. I think i may go home tuesday or so, then drive up to new york, hang out, gamble and then come home. Might be checking on Pinback on friday. Been a while since i've done the rock.

17 - crooked fingers - under sad stars: outside of vanderslice, smoking a cigarette, hearing this song for the first time, and just getting that weird feeling. Then again smoking outside on the balcony of our hotel room in rome. A beautiful downer. "Set me on fire, white liquor girl."

Then i'll have my car and can go visit cambridge and pickup the cds i missed last time out. Oh yeah, getting a $400 tax return. That's fucking money. Ok, i'm out.

18 - sigur ros - staralfur: "Starir á mig lítill álfur /hleypur að mér en hreyfist ekki / Úr stað – sjálfur / Starálfur"