self-titled: ^_^

i live.  it's been a sorta long weekend i guess.

well, my final show was on friday night.  it was good.  lots of peeps, lots of tears, just like heaven didn't totally suck and sean gave me a really nice speech.  but then the real highlight of the evening came: final show party.  uhh, this is what happens when you don't write for many action packed days, you forget stuff.  party was at katie's and was a real fun time, then it was kicked on over to edmonds but lost a lot of steam along the way.  the roommettes minus brenda were there the whole time then brenda showed up in the 830/829 block i guess i left 830 unwatched for a while, and just hung out with tara brenda and whoever else was across the hall.  people cleared out of here around fourish.  not the hugest alumni turnout, but those who came were fun.  paolo and neil were the night's winners i believe, with obie close behind.  only one set of post-show tears that i noticed, so all in all i think people enjoyed themselves.  got to bed at what? 5? sure, five.

saturday was a nice post-show day.  Woke up late, went to IHOP with some folks, came home, went to a bit of the spring football game with TIM and then adam and i went to go see Amadeus in Harvard Square.  God damn that's a good movie, and the extra 30 minutes for the director's cut were nice.  it just wasn't loud enough, i remember blasting that movie in welch 118 and that was a fun time.  mozart just completely overpowering you...

adam and i grabbed dinner after the show and i came home and played beirut and hit the town wearing tony's hawaiian shirt for a luau party at 1661.  Wasn't too keen on going, i mean i definitely was, but i thought i might not have too much fun.  I was wrong.  good times were had, although i smoked a few too many cigarettes and never got to encounter the ice luge.  got to bed fairly late as well, unless 8:30 is considered early. 

Next day i suited up to go see Jesus Christ Superstar, which, closely adhering to the tradition of the BC theater program was not particularly good.  it had it's strengths, but also it's weaknesses, mainly shitty leads, a shitty orchestra, and a really poorly realized radical setting.  oh well, such is life.

after the show i came home and instead of doing the work i needed to do, went to chili's with darren tim tara jeff and brenda.  our waiter was a bit of a dick and was likely gay.  but the food was yummy.  then came home and watched the simpsons and got incredibly tired.  worked a little on a paper and then watched parts of spartacus.  to sleep early so that i could rise early and crank out some more paper nonsense.  woke up, did one, decided skipping fiction was sadly in my future, so i went up to mcelroy with tara and brenda and ate and wasted time and finally made it to the library and cranked out a paper on Amadeus.  and then and then class, then home, where i drank some beer, read a little, wasted a lot of time on the internet, and listened to a bunch of music. 

i've got to bail on work tomorrow, damn all this stuff i need to do.  i go to lunch, then class, then back here to pregame for guster and then guster in the goddam mod parking lot.  weird, eh?

and there you have it folks, quite possibly the lamest weekend wrapup for such a big weeked ever.  blow me.

irst things first... my dream last night 

there is no possible way that i can fully recreate it, but there are plenty of images/scenes that i am still able to call to mind. 

ok, in no particular order: tara was going out with john's gay friend peter, they both smoked.  jen woresham was going out with another of john's gay friends.  a bunch of people went to a basketball game in a high school except the gym was more like a college game.  and there were all these empty seats but they were for the home team, which we were not rooting for and yet they offered a much better view, i pioneered a trip to those seats.  elsewhere, there was lex and adam and we were sitting in a diner.  somehow, brenda's mother figured in, we saw each other and did the european kiss on the cheek greeting.  before the basketball game, we were in a hotel which was actually brenda and tara's room and there were ants all over the place, especially on tara's bed and i considered this some sort of triumph since 830 has been overrun with nats lately.  another time i was at my house for some family meal and there was a cute little baby there and i played with her and asked her her name and it was elsie then later verdi came in and said "if your name is elsie then you are my daughter" and it was beautiful and i cried since he just met his daughter for the first time.  also, my back hurt so much and i wanted a massage so badly but any time anyone touched me it hurt even worse.  so after a while i just started telling people to touch my back to feel how bad it was and it killed me.  and this and a million other things i'm sure i'm forgetting.   

also, last night i was infused with one of those big helpings of feeling bad for myself and almost got up out of bed to write soething.  i wanted to write that i'm such an awesome person and no one really knows the full extent of it, except maybe for two people... two people if i'm lucky,.  and basically, last night i was just pissed off that people couldn't see this.  whatever.  then today i saw my reflection and got super pissed off because i'm a tall lanky ugly fuck and i'd rather not be.  i wish i was someone that people were just attracted to.  oh well, such is life.

i woke up today and went to the library, watched some movies, saw the chorale sing, watched more stuff, went to rehearsal.  also, my last bostonians rehearsal ever, and it really didn't hit me... guess it won't until tomorrow.  also, tomorrow, final show... shit

after rehearsal i came home and played poker.  ususal crowd, and at 4:30 i emerged alone with mancini, with $30 dollars in my pocket where there had previously been none.  i had to borrow the intial buy in from tony, but was able to pay it off and still walk off with $30... go me
also, hillary (aka luke's girlfriend) was nice enough to move my laundry from washer to dryer.  however, just my fucking luck, she put the clothes in the one dryer that i've had problems with this year so that when i went to pick it up my clothes were hopelessly wet.  and then i almost forgot about them, but i didn't, because i'm a goddam elephant. 

i hope katie's RA people didn't screw her over and that we can have the party there tomorrow or else we are in some trouble. 

i suppose that's about it.  i may go clothes shopping tomorrow for tomorrow night, we'll see about that.  right now the main priority is to go to bed and to sleep for a while. 
also, i'm really digging this cowboy hat. 

hohum.  la la la.

i need to go over my damn senior song tomorrow.  and find clothes.  and maybe even see my parents.  jesus.  busy week, eh?

well, back from college tour. In the days to come, perhaps tonight even, i'll give the day-by-day blow. but i'll tell you this right now, it was awesome, 4 days and 4 nights of substance abuse, casual sex, and arrests. best ever, man. it's gotten me on such a bostonians high, so much that i've put all the bostonian im names together on my buddy list, something which has otherwise existed in completely random order since day one. that's something.

hmm, i guess that leaves me with nothing to write about in this entry. I'm doing laundry now, that's exciting. and uhh, i think i'm gonna start working on a mix tonight, and maybe do my fiction critiques.

and i'm done. look for day one later tonight. man, so many things to do. normal stuff, year two: an embarrassing look back, and now college tour 2002: destination sexy. man, is my plate full.

well, woke up a little past 8am today, got some breakfast and then kicked it hardcore to the library.  where i stayed until 1:15 watching foreign movies.  Mandabi was a lot better the second time around.  Then i went to my conference with unrue to talk about my last story, and then to the bostonians office where i ate a ceaser wrap and hung out a little bit.

and then sean and i went to the library, the ocf, were i typed and typed and typed and became an expert on john woo films that i have never seen but now really want to.  then i wrote about other movies and talked about the homo-eroticism and cross gender dresseing fetishism of peking opera blues.  then i went to class and talked to bo and got things squared away.  i also had a cigarette with the chick who kept looking at me that world cinema class many moons ago.  turns out she's from canada, eh.  then at around 10pm i went to rehearsal and rehearsed and then latenight and then home.

there was some drinking.  first kings and then asshole.  brenda pointed out the whiteness in my gums, thus the title.  and then that was it.

i remembered something from last night that i didn't mention.  i really want to go home and find all my LEGOs.  i'll tell you what did it: pilate's palace.  they used the fucking tile LEGOs that have a clear sheen and are smooth and shit.  and his floor was all made up of those pieces and there was this cool floor design mosaic and i want to build shit like that.  also, i want to see the last temptation of christ, but i may have said that last night.

also, last night i was thinking about final show.  and i really haven't done that, except for the one thing i am saying which is more funny than anything.  that's really the only thing i've premeditated about the whole show, speech etc.  anyway, i was lying in bed thinking about it (among other things) and i'm like hey, this is really the culmination of my four years at boston college.  this is really the most important event i'm going to go through.  because i've devoted the past 4 years to this group of kids who sing songs, and this is it.  and it's really kind of sad in a way, because, at least symbolically, on friday, it's all over.  and that means a lot.  i didn't plan on it, but i think i'm going to be a big wreck come that night.  and it's something i want people to see.  i think it's going to be huge for my parents to be there, and my friends will be there, and granted i don't know if the roommates are really going to feel anything about it, but the roommettes might.  and i know brenda's not going to be there, and that's something that i don't begrudge her in the least, however nice it would've been.  but i just hope she understands what really this is.  i hope everyone does.  this isn't just some fucking show, this is it.  this is THE show.  and it's less than 48 hours away.  weird.

postscript: luke's in the shower so i went across the hall to pee and i saw our final show poster and it was mike katie karleen and me and that was weird.

postpostscript: oh no.  wish i didn't see that.  honestly, fuck.  it's funny how a thing can be totally cool one way, but another, which is essentialy the exact same, is the most uncool thing in the world.  the end.

finished the new testament, and it really got me in the mood to see last temptation of christ.  what a great movie. 

anyway, was in the library 5 hours today watching 3 movies.  heading back at 9am tomorrow, not to emerge until about 7.  well, i'll leave for lunch and my conference with unrue, but save that, it's me and coffee and headphones and a tv and subtitles.  woohoo.

i should crank out a paper right now, but i think i'm just going to go to sleep.  i need this week to be over.

also, wearerobots.com? not funny.  what am i missing?  Then again, i think 8-Bit Theater is the coolest shit in the world. 

wow, since i last updated yesterday afternoon it's been a really really really really long time.

nothing really notable has happened in this incredibly super long time, but christ.  i mean yesterday was what? rehearsal and then?  oh yes, i played scrabble mind games instead of doing my fiction homework, which i finally did and then i went to sleep.

Got up around 10 this morning, finished my work, chilled out, went to lunch, ran around a bit, went to class #1, got raged on in the office by sean, went to mcelroy to catch up on young hans castorp, then i went to class #2, sat through that, then did some super gay group project with kate and a wild cast of stage to studio characters. 

then i came home around 11:30, reminded tim and adam how much i totally kick their ass in wordox, and now i'm here.

and shit, that's really not much, but it's been an eternity.  an eternity, dammit!

have you ever noticed how in the movies, nobody ever goes to the movies and gets there before the show.  Whenever there is a scene where characters go into a movie, the movie is already in progress and it is usually a near empty theater.  food for thought.

also, pretzels.  food for eating.

HA!

also, http://www.thereverend.com/brick_testament/index.html, learning the bible has never been so fun.

friday was a good time.  sang out on the dustbowl for springfest at noon, and after that i realized i was too goddam hot and came home and changed and went back out to the dustbowl to play.  there was this big moonwalk thing and super big giant boxing gloves, and darren and i fought and i'm still sore all over from that one bout.  there was other stuff that was fun to watch but the only other things i did was eat a hot dog, drink a rootbeer and throw many balls at the dunk tank trying to get tim in the water.  everyone there tried, and almost everyone got it on their first round, or at least their second round.  darren and i however, threw three rounds of 4 or 5 balls and didn't dunk tim once.  so we ran up and hit the button.  then we tried again a little later and each hit on the first ball.  also, there was this little kid of maybe 6 years that kept going up and hurling the ball square at the dunk button.  he was insane.

i passed on work to play and then came home and did up some laundry listened to some music and then went over to cushing for the second bosonians engagement of the year, a benefit for operation smile or something with the dynamics.  that went well.  the dynamics have really come a long long way from when the group started my freshman year.  go them.

and then i showered it up, dimo came over, we ate pizza and then went to fasano's.  keyser came with.  fasano's was a fun time.  except for when i fucking lost beirut to goddam kyle from the real world.  that could have been my big break.  but no, i had to go blow it and not hit a single cup.  afterwards, there was some hanging out in my room where i got to play cex and no one commented and that was exciting.  folks went home and i stayed up talking to darren till like 5am while there was some explosive arguments going on in the common room.

then i drew a pretty picture on 829's messageboard and then fell asleep on top of my bed. 

saturday morning rolled around and i was up at noon to go sing for prospective freshman.  it was fun.  buddy holly barely squeaked out, but i have fun with it.  except for the bridge, which i just can't get into.  after that i came home and showered and me katie adam and dimo went to the circle to catch frailty, against tara's stern warnings not to do it.  the movie wasn't terrible, but it was far from good.  a decent concept that wasn't realized well enough and also was a victim of some bland directing by bill paxton.  the movie did give birth to a whole new form of humor, though.  it is god's will.

came home and got a call from tara, brenda got a monster haircut and was still being fixed up and it'd be nice if i could get my car and pick them up so that brenda could get to the chorale concert.  adam had my car, but it all worked out in the end, and because i'm the world's most super nice guy, i drove my ass out there and picked them up.  and boy did brenda get a haircut.  hair's a funny thing.  i mean, guys can't really go crazy with it, but shit, girls can just completely change the way they look and the way they're perceived with just a pair of scissors.  i've never experienced a drastic haircut i don't think, well, rob springer cut his mane off and that was something, but brenda looks like a totally new person and it's kinda shocking that such a thing is possible.  and that's enough waxing philosophical on hair.

i dropped brenda off, grabbed dinner with tara at stewart, picked up katie and dimo for CCE, dropped off tara, and then the three of us kicked it to o'connel house for the big interactive murder mystery event.  it was funny, the theme was a 15 year high school reunion and apparently i was a giant target for the cast to come up and talk about old times with me.  i was into it for a while, especially when brenda, the head cheerleader came up and insisted she new me from the football team and shit and then she left and i started bitching to katie about how she was a total bitch and wouldn't have ever spoken to me in high school.  and other things like that.  i wish i was drunk because i'd let myself have more fun and do things like admit age old crushes and try and score some reunion tail.  ha, tail.  that's a funny word. anyway, the show was overall really fun but suffered from being an hour too long.  cut out a lot of the shit where nothing is really going on and it'd be great.  also, the layout of o'connell house was a hinderance because each room, where the cast would break down into, had severe bottlenecking problems.  also, the bostonians got namedropped in the show, which is pretty cool.  eddie was my favorite. 

after a very very long time at the show i dropped off the kids and went home and set out on a mission to get drunk before going to the chorale party.  ended up doing that while hanging out with tara and keeping her from her work for about an hour and a half.  and then i was ready.  i fixed on my "hello i'm not gay" nametag and kicked it to ignacio with tim.  party was alright, actually talked with brenda for a good while about stuff that was, i think, good to talk about.  we kicked it, walked some girl to upper, back to edmonds and then i retired to my room to listen to music and play guitar.

then today i slept, got up, went to the sucky jazz brunch with katie, then came back here and am currently listening to that dog's totally crushed out.  it's a hilarious title, and a great concept album.  go them.

hot mornings = i wake up problem free.  can't complain about that.  What i can complain is going from shorts and a t-shirt to pants and a jacket in one day.  that's just unecessary.  this early superchunk sounds like emo. 

at work today i decided that i will most likely be reprising my role as the guy in the career center over the summer who listens to a lot of music and gets phones numbers from hot girls.  and i will be doing it at the hugely awesome hourly rate of eight dollars.  oh yeah.   and let's not forget spanish class.  oh yeah.  ohhhhh yeah.

since i'm not singing in the chorale concert, i got to go home after work and i did just that.  hung out with darren and tara and played with the new mapquest feature wherein you can see aerial photos of the country at better quality than terraserver.  and it's easier too, because you plug in an address and hey, it centers on the house.  I made this before work.  It's the only addresses of houses i could remember.  illinois is a funny place.

then we went to dinner, i learned that a few weeks ago i made orangey cry when i didn't slow dance with her at a chorale party.  whoops, maybe i should console her with some breadsticks.

I'M ITCHING ALL OVER.  damn this heat and the way it makes me think that there are bugs all over me.

oh no i think i hear kissy kissy noises behind me.  eek run away.

hmm

no more kissy noises please.  i wonder if they're like the bugs and i'm just fucking imagining the whole bit.  upps, now back to the giggling.

books are hard to read, especially when they're 800 pages and i make no time to read them.  i have to re-checkout magic mountain tomorrow.  AND sing on the dustbowl AND withdraw from counterpoint AND go to work AND do my laundry AND work more on mixes AND sing for the cleft palette children AND drink beers AND harrass kyle from the real world.  oh boy is my day gonna be long.

yeah man, mac has a totally emo voice.  music really isn't emo though, so i guess that's all good.  i want to clean my room.  daar. 

oh, i did katie's homework today for a 30 pack.  that worked out well for me because access is a fun fun program.

also, i have a new arch-nemesis.  It is logan, tara's ex boyfriend.  he is my new nemesis because gone are the fun innocent days of walking around only to find myself internally singing the theme to super mario brothers.  now, i find myself internally singing the goddam chorus to the song he wrote about tara, and then the guitar riff and then the totally gay (and wholly inappropriate) fucking keyboard solo.  damn you logan whatsyourname.

also, i was just outside thinking about self-titled, and i think it's a good thing.  i really do, i think it keeps me grounded.  because if i were to keep a personal journal, i would run the risk of totally going crazy and becoming insane and writing ridiculous things that basically elevate my ego to ridiculous heights or degrade myself into evil evil places.  this keeps me balanced, because whenever i get personal, i do so with a certain amount of necessary restraint.
also, i need to buy cds, badly.  fuck you othermusic for shutting down.  because it's a lot harder to justify online purchases, because there is always the element of, "eh, i really shouldn't plop down this money now, i can just do it later."  and then later doesn't always come.  whereas if i made a weekly trek to the store, i mean, hey, the cds are right there, my wallet is right in my pocket, i can spend money and have cds immediately without that gray area between having no music and money and having music and no money where i can think "hmm, maybe i shouldn't have bought that stuff."  curses.

to buy: blanket, badly drawn boy, lots of uncle tupelo stuff, walkmen, clem snide, mooney suzuki (maybe), hermann and kleine (maybe), pedro the lion, the new all tomorrow's parties comp, and i guess for 10 bucks i can own the new pornographers disc.
the end.

woke up this morning because it was too damn hot to stay in bed.  so i went up and had lunch with the kids.  ran around a bit and then came back down and became deeply wrapped up in music.  Finally sitting down to work on the many mixes i'm making, and just did a very hasty preliminary walk through my stuff ... i haven't given personal consideration to anyone yet, nor have i really gone through my cd collection for stuff to rip... so i have a lot more songs to add and then a fuckload of songs to get rid of, because as it stands now i have 14 hours of music.  whoops.

took a break from the madness to go to world cinema, saw some boring indian movie.  Came home, played the music game, watched aerosmith icon and the osbournes (best damn show ever) and then jackass.  then there was some fun had because our doors were open and if you go to across the hall you can sit and watch like its tv.  so people made tv shows.  and faces got written on.  and more shit got thrown around our room.  and then i played the music game for another couple of hours and i do believe i will be going to sleep soon so that i can melt away into nothingness.

tomorrow i must see if the career center will employ me this summer as i take a class or two and umm, get on my feet.

also, brenda wrote on all the roommate's faces and luke was like "i'm going to forget i have this on and go out and people will see me" and we all laughed.  well, i just went out, i got off the elevator and the people getting on were looking at me strange and i was all "what the hell?  awww fuck."

wow. what a weekend. an epic 3 days of near unheralded epicosity.

WEll, i guess it starts a little before 3 days ago, namely, Friday. I got up and went to work and then bummed around in the room a bit. Then geared up to go see the play. Rhinoceros it was called and boy was it not good. adam designd the set, which was pretty cool. well, somehow katie tim adam and i left the show still alive, and then adam tossed out the idea of getting drunk and going to see a bad movie. Tim and i had our hearts set on The Sweetest Thing, but the time didn't work out, and saw a movie we hadn't considered... Van Wilder. Huzzah. The movie was at 12:25 too, giving us the perfect amount of time to do a powerhour. So we did that, took some for the road, along with a little rum. got our tickets and sat down for a real fun time. The movie i'm sure sucked, but we had a blast. Then I came home, stayed up with darren a bit, and kicked it to bed in preparation for the next day's party.

Woke up the next morning and got out of bed at like 10am, came over here and the room was asleep so i sat down and watched saturday morning cartoons. Man, have they dropped in quality since the days when i was a child. i saw 4 shows (some on at the same time) and they were all in the japanese style of animation, they all involved big monsters being summoned and fighting each other, and two of them actually incorporated the idea of summoning these monsters via trading cards. it was ridiculous. there was one show that literally, was just two guys standing atop a tower playing cards at each other, summoning monsters, discussing attack and defense stats, and giving lengthy internal monologues that related to the plot.

Then hit college sub, then the guys went on beer runs and i made jello shots. bummed around, cleaned out the place, and then i guess some time later it was the beginning of our party. 14 30s, and 100 jello shots. and people came, slowly, i went outside briefly came back in and darren told me that the party had become the one i envisioned, people backed into the common room dancing to our expertly laid out cds. 10 or so of the bostonians came, i became super sketchy, took three shifts in my room with various people, got my drink on hardcore, it was great. hot as hell, or so i hear, but i didn't notice after a while. I'm terrible at estimating how many people were there at its peak, but it was a whole bunch, close to capacity i'd say. we had just enough beer to have a little left over for the next day, my jello shots were all consumed, the room wasn't trashed too much, and me and my roommates are still beside ourselves with pride. I desperately want to do it again. Granted it cost me $80. But hey, it was great.

sunday came next. and it began with us all reliving our wonderful night. Then i went to IHOP with sean adam and dimo where i got to relive it all over again. Then home for a shower and bostonians rehearsal. Best rehearsal ever, i didn't have anything to do but harrass stephanie telling her that she did not plan well enough for her flip cup tournament that night and that it would fail. Then after rehearsal there was dinner at lower and i went home and waited around to go to the tournament. we went at 9:30 or so, our team, fuck city, consisting of adam dimo andy meg meg's sister and myself played first and lost because the freshman and pre-frosh sucked. the place was horribly laid out, with a giant couch right in the way of the 2 foot wide walkway between the two flipcup rooms (the keg was also strategically placed in this natural bottleneck). WE signed up again as the BP5 but then were forced to leave because we couldn't handle it anymore. Turns out they ran out of beer 30 minutes later anyway, well before the tournament ended. ha.

So i went to dave's at 1653 and brought andy and maybe meg and her sister. they left, andy stayed. most of the usual suspects were there. beirut was played, cups were filled, and we left shortly after one tara's visiting sister's visiting friends puked on the floor and then in the bathroom. We walked home, shenaniganary was had in the room, john came over, me john and andy hit my room for a while, john left, jen andy and i went into darren's room and enjoyed our high. andy fell asleep, i was dj on darren's computer (number of times radiohead's "creep" played: 4) and everyone else went to sleep. However, it was 5am, and i knew that one of tara's sister's friends had to be on a train at 5:30 or 6:30. I knew it was one of them and then that casey was leaving on a train the next day at the other time. I figured Tara was on top of things, but sometimes stuff happens, so i waited outside till 5:30, went in, slowly woke people up, got people scared and confused until casey said with authority that the train was at 7:50 and all was well and i woke a few people up unecessarily. I was only trying to help.

ok, so got to bed around 6. at ten am monday darren came and woke me up. by 11 i was showered and downstairs at jen's drinking a beer. beer and eggs and our cds from saturday night. a lot of running around and jumping and singing by the roommates and a lot of water gun stuff. Then we went to 31b for baberque and more beer. then left to watch the marathon a bit, saw the front runners, went back to 31b, then back to the marathon. saw karleen and mike run by, which was cool. i yelled out a lot of people's names and got a lot of recognition which is fun. 26 miles is a long fucking way, man. kinda blows my mind. Then i went to 66 a little bit. I think then i went home and bothered tara, the guys and sean were back and sarah and her brother and brothers friend were there, they were there on sunday, as well as kate and kate's sister i think. yeah, everyone got there on sunday. john and eddie were around as well. people evetually left to go to presto's and then some sutherland party, i hung around with john a bit and then we left. i made it to presto's ate pizza, went to the sutherland party which sucked. left with sean to go to 1952 beacon, which sucked, went back to sland 14 alone, and went onto the roof which was cool as shit. around 10pm or so darren and i and jen maybe left for home. we watched tv a bit with tara. i think i got to bed around midnight.

I woke up at 6am, and was shocked because it seemed to be full daylight. I kept sleeping and waking up in 10 minute intervals, until a little after 10 when dimo called to tell me that the good morning america gig we were supposed to do wasn't happening. which on one hand sucked, but on the other hand was totally cool because i got to sleep. and god did i need it. got out of bed around 1 and was essentially a zombie until well after i had eaten my Nissin Cup Noodles (wouldn't be a day at the career center with cup noodles) and then i sat here at work listening to music and helping katie with her access homework.

sarah's 21st birthday tonight, and i'm not sure if we're doing tequila or what. Not being home all day kind of hurts my awareness of what's going on. ok ok. here's hoping for next weekend.

---

and then blah blah blah blah blah

came home and drank tequila and beer with the roommettes minus brenda and later jen and luke. and it was good. and then i talked on the phone with katie for a long while with brenda in the room and we all talked and it was so sexy.

wrote this on friday

i don't know when i last wrote. i played beirut with luke kate and sarah on tuesday night. on wednesday i got up early, got a haircut, bummed aorund and stuff and then later on the bostonians seniors went to meghan's for dinner and stuff with lori and oly. we thought we were getting ribs and venison, but there was some miscommunication and it didn't work. we got burgers dogs and chicken though, which is fine cookout fair. we ate, chatted, i actually had a nice talk with meghan about what i may be doing with myself, and then we watched trading spaces. heh.

Came home, my buzz quickly disappeared as i began studying for M&O. i went to sleep. Next day, yesterday, i suppose it would, i got up, tested, worked, and read at work. this magic mountain book is fun. our hero young hans castorp just inducted himself into the cult of the thermometer. it's weird, but the fact that i have, oh, 550 pages left, excites the hell out me. that's a good thing.

I went home and played jedi stuff and then went to bostonians rehearsal. afterwards, it was decided that carolyn should be removed from the group, which is history for me at least. then hit up late night with mike and katie.

came home, had a lightsaber duel in jedi knight 2 which fucking ruled me like nothing else. and then it was time for poker night.

played in tony and breaux's room. it was them, me, matt the frosh, verdi and tim. god do i love poker night. i only put in my initial $10, was up quite a few times, but it just wasn't happening, and i threw it all away on the last hand at 5am. it was a real fun night, fun stuff. beer from bottles, cards, money changing hands, fun conversation, mind-blowingly insensitive comments and jokes from verdi, and, briefly, the thought we'd be able to smoke up when we finished.

I went home, embarrassed myself again, i wish BC would give me a degree in that, i certainly deserved it. I finally kicked it to bed at 6am. Slept till about 2:30. fun times. I got up, played "escape" once to get by blood going, and then kicked it to work.

I'm going to read soon, yay. then going to visit adam and see his set for the play since it's all sold out and stuff. then who knows what's up tonight. maybe i can drum up some interest in going to see y tu mama tambien. doubt it. hopefully the roommates will have some place for me to go drinking. then tomorrow edmonds 830 is having a registered party. woohoo. that'll be something.

[edit]

adam and crew left unnoticed a little before 6. then came the second van, headed by katie. they left at the same time i think as the alumni. apparently, a lot more people decided that they wanted to leave on the earlier van, too many to fit actually, and then people started telling me i had to leave then too. luckily, katie just handed the keys over to karleen and then kicked it back to sleep with the cool kids. i knew i didn't have my keys on me, i think oly had taken them the night before to get casey's camera. so we asked oly if he had my keys he said no, so i figured they were around somewhere, so me katie and obie took a nice nap in his bedroom type place and everyone else (rich, john) iin the living room.

The phone rang a bit later, oly was on the mass pike and it turns out he did have my keys after all. whoops. Luckily, my dad came through huge and drove up the hour and brought an extra set. obie got dunkin donuts. i showered, and then we all gathered in the living room. obie and i played some grand theft auto and then i got to play with his TIVO. TIVO rules. We watched the simpsons and that 70's show and played around with pausing and rewinding live tv. at about 3 or 4 we said goodbye and thanks to obie for a wonderful time and hit the road.

oh yeah, it was daylight savings time, that blew. we drove, my cd player was lost in the drunk, so it was radio the whole way. we stopped a couple times, i forget where i ate dinner but i'm sure it was fatty and fried and that i loved every second of it. I'm sure there were some fun moments in the car, but i don't remember.

we got home, people were dropped off, i met adam in the mod parking lot, we drove our cars out to get parked, walked home. and then i probably kicked it to sleep.

my last college tour, over. but it was a great one, kids.

a good portion of the group wanted to wake up early and go to the holocaust museum and the white house and what not. we planned on leaving our nation's capital at 2:30 in the afternoon. I woke up at 11:45. The room was dead. "Hey, it's 11:45." People got up. they left at like 12:30. The plan was that they'd do some stuff, a few of us would sleep a little longer clean up eat breakfast and then meet them. So we did that. it was diane karleen meg andy john and myself. All but meg went to go to eat at the diner where jenn worked. we did, said goodbye and thanks to her, and left back for the house. We moved all of our stuff into the vans, and then everyone got into the van and was ready to leave. I go in to do a once over of the room and i could only find one cat. Jenn has two cats. It's not a large condo, so i checked pretty much everywhere, under things, inside of things, in places that you generally wouldn't look for a cat. And the condo was rendered essentially spotless as well, making my search much easier. One cat, no two cat. shit. So i went outside to relay the news, diane gets out of the van and we start scouring the neighborhood. we check over the house twice more and then we realize our sad state of affairs. we lost a cat. it must've run off when we were loading the van and now jenn only has one cat. diane called gary to ask if the cat has left before and if he/she goes any place special. As she's on the phone, i went upstairs to lock the door, and sitting on the fucking floor of the living room is that smug little shit. I'm like "cat, screw you, you suck, where the hell where you." and he/she was like "." Locked the door, told gary the good news, and got on our way.

Plans had changed, no longer were we meeting the other peeps, we were just drving straight to hoboken. so we drove. and drove. and listened to music and drove. got food somewhere i think. and then somehow it was decided to do a power hour in the car. andy had a cd he got off the inter-net, it sucked. a.) it was 70 minutes b.) every song started at the beginning c.) every song had a completely arbitrary cutoff point that wasn't one minute into the song but also was not at a logical break. But it was still fun to be doing a powerhour in a van driving to hoboken. We arrived in the fair city and bumbled around a bit trying to find obie's and eventually we did. one car was there, the other wasn't. But the other car was right behind us. i grabbed a beer and a jello shot and hit the shower, which was not warm.

oh yeah, meghan lori and oly were all there waiting for us, which was a nice surprise. After i showered, the night kicked off with a very fun powerhour (my cd). dancing singing, and me drunkenly filming the whole damn thing. other tomfoolery happened, and then it was time to go outside and smoke. that was done, john and i had a lot of fun at lori's expense for an extended period of time yelling at her for talking too loud when she was being very quiet. anyway, we did that, and then some more. and then back upstairs where i once again comandeered the camera and started running around filming random shit as i intermittently screamed "uh-oh, who gave the high kid the camera" but actually, as katie kept reminding me, i was saying "hamera." shenanigans were had. I, on film, both correctly predicted obie and karleen hooking up and filmed rich and steph making out, something that NO ONE remembered, including me steph and rich. but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

bed time was wicked late. john was making peanut butter and jelly in the kitchen without the peanut butter or the jelly. rich was snoring like a beast and i kept yelling at him and punching and kicking him and he didn't wake up or anything, that was funny. i dunno, this night was so so so much fun but i'm just beat down writing all this shit.

a fantastic way to end college tour. and adam had to be up in 2 hours to drive back to BC. I got to sleep until whenever i wanted though. ha.

ho hum hum ho

sleep work evil law midterm dinner rehearsal late night home football read write sleep?

i'm so sore, i don't konw why. maybe the weekend of 4 hours of sleep and then sitting awkwardly in the recording studio? oh, there was also the concert. God, that was something. I was remembering travis singing "steadier footing" during the last song, that ruled, as did everything else. also, it was cool during the plan's set to see ben gibbard on the side of the stage dancing and singing along.

i think i've given up on joyce. i've read like 100 pages in the portrait of the artist as a young man and it just isn't treating me like a gentleman. so instead i've started on thomas mann's magic mountain, which is just shy of 800 pages. teach suggested it for me, so what the hell, i'll give it a shot.

yeah, so i came home and freaking lost to syracuse because they're a bunch of gaywads and then all my roommates were gone and the roommettes were all missing or lame and i just went to my bed, threw on rachel's and started reading. and it got me tired and i'm thinking about going to bed soon.

man oh man. i've got nothing. i want it to be the weekend. i want to sing buddy holly at cafe and then go get fucking trashed at our party and wind up in tijuana wearing a prom dress and a top hat.

ok ok back to the grind

we got a phone call around 11 saying to meet by the parking garage where the vehicles were parked at 12. We showered, said thanks and goodbye to lem, relived last night a little bit, and then kicked it outside.

Nice day, quite nice, although went between cold and hot too easily. we met up with some of the group, relayed our night, waited around for a long long time for a few people to finally show up. Turns out we had the best night. the best night ever. huzzah.

The plan was to walk around our nation's capital, to see the sights (although, i guess in this case, "sites" works as well) and fall victim to an endless barrage of photo-ops with too many cameras. I spent a good deal trying to drum up the melody of sousa's washington post march, but i got it, because i'm the best. Adam was Dad on this walking tour and first stop was the Vietnam War Memorial. Which is real nice, but something about it bothers me. They have all these big walls, tallest in the center and fanning out on either side getting smaller and smaller, effectively created a slop from the way top all the way to the ground. like a giant, incredibly elongated, inverted "v." Well, that's all well and good, each stone has a regiment on it and all the soldiers who died from that regiment. That's all well and good. And the regiments go in order, 34E is one, the next stone, slightly shorter, is 35E, etc. this continues for all the stones, including the ones WAAAAY at the end that are just a foot high and have 5 names or whatever. Except the regiment ordering is never disturbed. How is it that 1 or whatever had so many lost soldiers and then 69 only has 4, and all the deaths are evenly distributed? I just don't get it, and should really do some research to see if i missed something about how it's all set up.

Next up was lincoln memorial. yippee. Then we walked along the potomac or whatever it is with all the cherry blossom trees going in full. that was absolutely gorgeous. the sun reflecting on the very very blue water, all the green everywhere, and the blossoms. it was just right nice.

Next was the FDR memorial, which i had never seen. This was fun because it felt like a theme park in the section with all the water rides, because the centerpieces of the memorial were four pretty waterfall things, the 3rd and 4th were gigantic. and with all the stone everywhere, i dunno, it just felt really manufactured and theme parky.

at the FDR we sang true colors for andy's mom, and then people stopped for a billion trillion hours to take pictures. Next up, we walked along the tidal basin to check out the jefferson memorial. it was windy as a mother up in that piece. down in the plaza past the steps there was the cherry blossom festival going on and as we were leaving they announced it was karaeoke time, so we all sat down and watched the first guy sing "sweet caroline" we sang all the "bah bah bahs" and "so good so goods" and everyone loved us. And then john went to the bathroom to pee and emerged 30 minutes later.

We next moved on and walked towards the capital and ran into brandon and then went outside the museum of natural history. we all got excited when we saw a big ad for some T-rex movie in IMAX 3d. so we went to get tickets, but it was sold out. but there was a 7 o'clock show. After some deliberating, we all decided to do our own things, reassemble before 7, see the show and go grab dinner at hard rock or some place. A bunch of peeps went elsewhere, the crew i was with went into the museum. The first thing we saw was cool as hell, skeletons of hundreds of different animals. soooo cool. Then we went to see all the insects which was cool. But then the damn museum closed. So we went downstairs to the cafe/giftshops. We all chipped in a quarter or so and bought adam a lollipop with a big cricket in it. He ate that, giving us about hte only amusement we found in the next hour or so. we were all beat and waiting around for 1.5 hours because the damn museum closed pissed us right off. but then came t-rex time.

We bought tickets and for two bucks you could buy a little stuffed animal for saving them or something. I got a yak. his name is lem. he rules. we got our tickets, our glasses, and climbed up into the theatre. Well, the movie was absolute shit. I've seen movies in the big omnimax domes and one on the imax flat, and they've all been cool documentaries. Well, T-Rex was this shitty piece of sub tv quality movie with a horrible plot, terrible acting, the word "clit," and like 2 cool 3d effects. But it was funny as hell, so the experience wasn't a total wash.

Then we left onto the streets of our nation's capital, and i felt extremely disoriented. like i was drunk or something. Something about being really tired and not eating and those damn glasses screwing up my vision. anyway, hardrock was booked, but espnzone would have an opening for us soon. so we went and played video games downstairs. i played a lot of air hockey and games where you sit in something and make it's video screen representation move. it was fun.

then we ate. i had wings and a burger. the burger was like totally good. and then, at like 10 or 11 or sometime really late, we got into cars and went to brandon's place. He had purchased 8 30s when were in the museum, and we were going to do a power hour and other drinking type things. but first we gave mike his birthday cake. jenn ellis was there, too, and it was her birthday, so she got her name on the cake. i drew flowers with frosting. we sang, we ate, we sat down, cracked a 30 and started a power hour. then lameness struck. brandon's roommate was all, "cool guy, just be done at 1, ok?" and we were like "uhhh" and then jenn was like "well, it's not as big as this place, but you can all go party at my house." and we did. i stayed and cleaned up brandon's a bit, then we drove, got lost, brandon brought us heading into traffic on a one-way street, then we got lost again, and then finally got to jenn's.

small condo, but really cute. we kicked off with a lengthy i never, which peaked when Jenn's gay boyfriend of a year (i say gay because he had sex with men for 10 years before starting with jenn) said "never have i ever been fellated by a calf." and then he drank. and he told a story wherein he was 14 or so and was fellated by a calf. And then jenn and gary (the boyfriend) left. which is pretty cool if you think about it, jenn just left 16 people at her place alone with her cats. also, i hate cats.

more beer was drunk, a porn was put on, shenanigans were had, john made his patented coke-can piece from last spring retreat, there was some smoking. and then general high tom-foolery took place as john and i were bouncing off walls as everyone was trying to sleep. Diane threw the cats in the bedroom and then spent approximately 2 hours in the kitchen making some elaborate seven course meal with meatballs and cream cheese and pita wraps and god konws what else. At 5:30 i sang copacabana on Jenn's karaeoke machine. Amy turned it off before i got to the third verse, the bitch. And then everyone finally quit, i got on the pullout couch and played with my arm, which weighed about 2000 pounds.

college tour: destination sexy will resume tomorrow most likely. year two: an embarrassing look back will have work continued on it some days later i believe.

today i went to work, puttsed for a while and then, when it was due in 2.5 hours, started my paper. at 4:40 i had 6 pages, printed, and went to class.

then i endured class. actually talked a bit, fancy that.

and then bostonians. officers were elected, the mack the knife solo was handed to sean, and then i left because i had nothing to do. however, i learned that steph and rich made out on saturday night and i filmed it... really, who knew?

also, at lyons, for the nth day straight, the machines were not accepting cards. luckily, my othermusic change purse stepped up and has proven itself invaluable in these dark days.

then i came home and killed shit with a light saber, drank a bit, played some beirut, and now i'm here.

looks like tomorrow i'm FINALLY getting a haircut. i bought a razor today, my first manual in a long long time. i will be able to pick up my electric tomorrow, but i'm kinda interested in the whole manual shave thing. we'll see. Also tomorrow i have to go down to newbury street to see if i can score fugazi tickets.

been listening to the wedding present - george best plus for the past few days. digging it thoroughly.

oh, retrieved my rented copy of magic mountain today from work, that made me happy. i think i will read some of it on the morrow.

ok ok, umm, that's it. now time to return to my regularly scheduled drinking. peace to the out, kids.

so i just realized something, if i get up at the right time tomorrow, i have like a billion hours at work. plenty of time to write this stupid law paper. right? RIGHT?

i was walking home after fiction today, and i was just overcome. i just want to withdraw. like seriously, i want out. i want to live in my music for a few months. i dunno what it is really, i just want a break. college tour was a fucking blast, and that was an escape in and of itself. but now i'm back, bostonians politics start up again. i walked into my room, tara left a note on the door 'your room smells bad (not a joke)" and i was just like, hey, i don't want to deal with this. i went to dinner with the roommates, and that quelled the whole withdraw urges, but only for a short while. and don't get me started on the future. if i could withdraw into my four man here, even that'd be fine. i enjoy these guys, we have fun times. i'm just not feeling the across the hall anymore. maybe i'm callous, but i just don't care. they're for the most part all great girls, but going over there is all small talk and no fun. which i guess would be ok for keeping up friendship's sake, but if brenda's there i just get set off, and that's not something i enjoy. it's all just dead weight. across the hall and in the office. i don't care, i just really don't care. and if i get involved, or even let myself become aware of it, i start caring and get pissed off. so i want to hide in my headphones until it's all over or the middle of may when i get the fuck out of here and go down to long island for spring retreat, where non-bostonians and bostonians politics cease to exist. tour fucked me up. it was too good, too much. four days of nonstop fun, our biggest worries being how to get to the next hardwood floor and how we were going to smoke or drink. i was in another dimension where all there was was the group having fun and forgetting everything else.

and i guess i sound like a big pitiful bastard. i don't mean it. i'm making mixes for people if i get the time, reading cool stuff, writing stuff, i'm not miserable in the least. i just want some things to resolve or disappear forever, and it's not happening, thus the whole withdrawal thing.

after a simply gorgeous 2 hour sleep, i woke up to the very loud noises coming from above me. i was in the basement, and the stairs and floors above me exploded with noise whenever someone so much as breathed on them. but i didn't get up, i just stayed in bed pretending that maybe i could just ignore the creaking and fall back asleep. That didn't happen.

Luckily, someone came down at like 7:20 to corral us to leave. so back into the vans and my car and bye bye rutgers. it was a lovely hungover drive to dimo's house in princeton. when we arrived, after playing with the price is right piano (really cool toy), i sat down at the non magic piano and made it make music. i did this for a while, playing anything i could find and knew or could reasonably sight read. this eventually led to christmas music, meg was not amused with my tidings of joy, perhaps ... shit ... i just sat for like 2 minutes trying to come up with some joke involving meg and christmas presents and hooking up with dimitrios... it didn't work. ANYWAY, i eventually showered, threw on my suit and got into a car and drove to sean's old high school.

it was a really nice day, i really didn't mind being outside at 10am. we sang at the hun school, where all the girls were fucking whored out to the max. short short skirts and pigtails. and there wasn't even an apparant skirt dress code or length requirement. they were just skanky little teenagers. a couple of them were pretty hot though. ha!

after that gig we went to the wawa. i bought sunflower seeds and a slim jim and an orange juice. then we went to princeton high school to sing for, as dimitrios suggested, a bunch of really snotty kids who are going to do nothing but criticize us and judge us. but then we sang, and they ate up all our cds. so that was fun, too. i sang that's life straight for the first time in a long while.

We then went to wendy's. dressed in all black, we looked like we had just come from a funeral. except for the fact that we were talking about boobs and doing other stupid things. then i danced on a table outside and we returned to dimo's house.

i forget what i did here, but i think it involved drinking a cup of coffee and not being able to find my keys. Eventually we found them under the bed and then headed back into the cars and got back on the road down to our nation's capital.

hmm, who was in my car this time? meg, and amy? and dimo? maybe, maybe not. who knows. i ate a whole bag of sunflower seeds on the way down. Also, we stopped at some rest stop and i got ho hos and some big black man was all checking out casey and looking at me and raising his eyebrows and mumbling something, and then i climbed on to karleen's van and did a soft shoe for the camera. we got lost or something on the way down but eventually got to our nation's capital.

got to the destination, brandon was there, we went upstairs at some GW art building and did the concert. I was worried about the group, the vibes, they just didn't give off a huge party vibe, ha. anyway, i was commenting this to sean outside, and then one of the members walks by wearing a disney world jacket. i laughed. there was another GW group there, emocapella, which is perhaps the silliest idea i've ever heard. They sing emo songs. that's it. i mean that's cool, that these guys got together and are able to sing and arrange emo songs that they all like. but the problem is that no one else is going to know them, and i bet however many emo kids are at GW that would know them are busy wearing sweaters and crying to the lyrics of jimmy eat world.

so the vibes sang, emo sang, we sang and this repeated. we were great. so fucking loud, but it worked. hell of a time performing there. And then we got sent outside and split up into the groups we would be sleeping with that night. I went off with rich, diane, mike and our host, Lem. We went to lem's and put our stuff down and then headed to the party. no one from our group was at the party. this quickly became an issue. i was under the impression from steph that we were all meeting at the party and going to eat. mike was under the impression that katie was calling him regarding eating. steph and co. went to friday's, katie and co. to domino's. i called katie and asked for her to bring back people, and she gave the phone to amy who gave it to adam who hung up on me. that was a mite rude. my only real beef though, diane and mike had some words with the others when they came back. before they came though, mike and i were entertaining ourselves by looking across the street into a window where a girl was changing outfits, and she blatantly saw us looking and pointing at her, so you totally know she was just getting off on changing in front of strangers. whatever man, whatever makes you happy.

sooo, back to the party. a fair amount of hard alcohol, and one, that's right, one, case of beer. who are these people? i missed bc. but i drank whatever beer i could get my hands on, which i believe was two. luckily, i had the whole 2 hours of sleep thing in my favor, and i was fine. then i thought i was going to die of sleepiness and sean made me a gin and tonic. i called brenda's friend kay and got her number to maybe meet with her tomorrow. i talked to brandon a lot. i smoked some cigarettes. then some people were going to smoke, and i kinda wanted to, but also kinda didn't because it'd be a pain in the ass to get back to my host dorm. so i said fuck it. then we're walking back and lem's like "i'll smoke you guys up." so we got back, mike took a hit and hit sleep hard. me diane and rich kept on going and going and going and going and going. lem was there too, doing three times as much as us because we were all howling with laughter and he was just chill. rich kept yelling at him. rich, also, who was going to go to bed about ten hits earlier. it was a hell of a time. and when i say hell of a time, i mean it was a hell of a time. sooooo much fun. ha, it was great. i must've drank 15 glasses of water, and it all felt dry. wow, such a blur of goodtimeness. well, anyway, we all went to bed at some point after lem had dumped his stash on us all.

lem - a real american hero.

it was a beautiful day. sun shining, short-sleeve-and-you're-still-kinda-hot weather. you could have not asked for a better day to kick off college tour 2002: destination sexy.

at 11 or so, katie called me and i went up to lyons to drive her and adam to go rent the vans. we went to the airport for adam's minivan and then katie and i went to harvard ave for hers, but sean didn't give her the paperwork so we had to go back to school and find sean and then send katie back. I was pretty hungover from a lot of drinking the night before. then i had mcdonald's.

We were supposed to meet at 2:30 to leave, but with all the van nonsense, i was in the shower at 2:05 and still hadn't packed. i met the group at 3. we found out that megan is a smoker and that set of people cheered victoriously. then everyone arrived, we played in the sun a little bit, and loaded the two minivans and my car and set out for sunny new jersey.

my car was megan and john. and, reprising his role as one of the funniest people to be on a long car ride with from last year's spring retreat, john was a blast. getting megan all to ourselves was a lot of fun, because it was really easy to get to know her pretty quickly and pretty well, whereas fighting for the freshmen's attention in full group settings can get a little difficult. we drove and drove and the beautiful day turned into nasty nasty rain. Our car split off and actually went to john's house in NY to pick up his suit and get fed pasta. then we headed back on the road and got to rutgers at 9 or 9:30 or so.

We met at deep treble's music director (and also ex-boyfriend to tara's) frat house. There was some beer and we drank it and hung out. I talked about tara and aviva (ex-girlfriend to me, former member of deep treble) and then at like 11 or so went to go sing. we sang outside the student center and really only for the members of deep treble, but it was still fun. apparently we were wicked excited or something because every song we sang went nearly a whole step sharp. but still fun. and it was weird, because we basically sang right across the street from where i took my spanish classes two summers ago, so like, the whole area was familiar to me.

after singing, back to the frat house. amy lost her purse and megan casey dimo and i hit the grease trucks, a collection of trucks in a parking lot on campus that sell cigarettes and sandwiches with names like "fat bitch" (ingredients: hamburgers, mozarella sticks, cheese, french fries all in a sub roll) to students until 3am. the greek men running the trucks were hitting on our girls and told me that they could get me high in 5 minutes, if i know what they meant. very fun, i just got a steak and cheese, but i have decided BC needs to drop chichi like a bad habit and get one of these grease trucks.

then back to the party. Now, we all had a beer or two before we left to sing. AFTER we sang the guys in deep treble were like "alright, let's go get drunk." by the time i got back from the grease trucks there were about 6 mike's hard beverages and a 30 of busch and part of a 12 of bud. riiiiiiight. luckily, i found other ways to be entertained, with the help of one of the frat's pledges who made a run for us. i hung out in john's (tara's aforementioned ex) room with some of the stoners, and enjoyed a favorite rutgers' pasttime. we finished, i came down and people were going to sleep and i started, as casey kept repeating, "cheesing out," and by gum, i was. i couldn't get through half a sentence without completely breaking down. well, that passed. I did however manage to coin something that'd stick around all tour, i just went around saying "that's so sexy" about anything much to casey and amy's constant amusement. one room went to sleep pretty much and the other room stayed up with my antics. and then me rich and john went out and hotboxed the car, and john had some vodka in a coke can and john and rich were drinking it but i was convinced john had ashed in the can and that they were pretending to drink it so that i would do it for real. turns out it was just vodka and coke.

and THEN, i went to a couch downstairs to sleep, sean was down there. stephanie came down and talked at me for a while and then i went to bed around 5 to the sound of john upstairs pressing buttons on a microwave.

well, woke up a little past 8am today, got some breakfast and then kicked it hardcore to the library.  where i stayed until 1:15 watching foreign movies.  Mandabi was a lot better the second time around.  Then i went to my conference with unrue to talk about my last story, and then to the bostonians office where i ate a ceaser wrap and hung out a little bit.

and then sean and i went to the library, the ocf, were i typed and typed and typed and became an expert on john woo films that i have never seen but now really want to.  then i wrote about other movies and talked about the homo-eroticism and cross gender dresseing fetishism of peking opera blues.  then i went to class and talked to bo and got things squared away.  i also had a cigarette with the chick who kept looking at me that world cinema class many moons ago.  turns out she's from canada, eh.  then at around 10pm i went to rehearsal and rehearsed and then latenight and then home.

there was some drinking.  first kings and then asshole.  brenda pointed out the whiteness in my gums, thus the title.  and then that was it.

i remembered something from last night that i didn't mention.  i really want to go home and find all my LEGOs.  i'll tell you what did it: pilate's palace.  they used the fucking tile LEGOs that have a clear sheen and are smooth and shit.  and his floor was all made up of those pieces and there was this cool floor design mosaic and i want to build shit like that.  also, i want to see the last temptation of christ, but i may have said that last night.

also, last night i was thinking about final show.  and i really haven't done that, except for the one thing i am saying which is more funny than anything.  that's really the only thing i've premeditated about the whole show, speech etc.  anyway, i was lying in bed thinking about it (among other things) and i'm like hey, this is really the culmination of my four years at boston college.  this is really the most important event i'm going to go through.  because i've devoted the past 4 years to this group of kids who sing songs, and this is it.  and it's really kind of sad in a way, because, at least symbolically, on friday, it's all over.  and that means a lot.  i didn't plan on it, but i think i'm going to be a big wreck come that night.  and it's something i want people to see.  i think it's going to be huge for my parents to be there, and my friends will be there, and granted i don't know if the roommates are really going to feel anything about it, but the roommettes might.  and i know brenda's not going to be there, and that's something that i don't begrudge her in the least, however nice it would've been.  but i just hope she understands what really this is.  i hope everyone does.  this isn't just some fucking show, this is it.  this is THE show.  and it's less than 48 hours away.  weird.

postscript: luke's in the shower so i went across the hall to pee and i saw our final show poster and it was mike katie karleen and me and that was weird.

postpostscript: oh no.  wish i didn't see that.  honestly, fuck.  it's funny how a thing can be totally cool one way, but another, which is essentialy the exact same, is the most uncool thing in the world.  the end.

i woke up in a very odd scene, well not an odd scene, i just felt really weird when i woke up. it was abrupt and i had a second or two where i just didn't know what the hell was going on. it was kinda neat actually. yay eggnog.

then lunch and then i went with katie to see amelie. oh how i love that movie. it's just so damn cute. and oh how i love amelie. where's my amelie? i want that girl to be all cute and weird for me, dammit. she's just... great. the movie is so so good i'm so happy i went to see it again.

and home i came, watched the game, installed my new cd drive, and now, god knows what. maybe i'll work on "year two: an embarrassing look back," or maybe i'll just play computer games.