self-titled: ^_^

wake and work.

i decided that espresso royale has some real nast-ass coffee, so future mornings i will ride the T to copley and walk down boylston and hit up the old dunkin' donuts for some real stuff.

work was cool. cooler when i got paid, the check was a pleasant alternative to my career center earnings.

then i went into cambridge alone for the david lynch double feature. am i surprised? not particularly. sean lamed out, apparantly scared off by the $7 ticket. and brenda lamed out in the usual last minute fashion. oh well whatever, what do i care. if she wants to hang out some time she's more than welcome to call me. i have other things to do than actively seek to hang out with people, like devote my life to work because i really haven't much more than videogames and dvds to come home to, and work and newbury street are fun places.

blue velvet was of course fantastic. that movie is heading into classic territory for me. it's just oh so good. laura dern sucks, but that's ok, because i'm going to say she's supposed to. everything not involving frank or dorothy and all them is just so ridiculous and campy and leave it to beaver. and then there's the underside. shit, the scene where jeff and dorothy have sex and he whacks her one just gets more and more intense. and god bless dennis hopper. also, whoever plays the detective could not be more perfect, unless he was dean stockwell who just has the coolest role in the world. that candy colored clown scene is just too good. mmm.

and then came lost highway. i don't know how i feel about this one. it seemed pretty straight forward and easy for most of it, and it lacked the underlying sinisterness found in lynch's other works. i need to think about it some and definitely read about it. it brought up something around halfway through which i think is a great concept. some character says in the far east, when a man is sentenced to death he is put in a place from which he cannot escape knowing that at any moment, without notice, he will be killed. kind of like the whole capitol punishment situation in japan. interesting enough, but where the idea really shines is when you throw in that sort of meta-physical idea where this place that you can't escape from is another life. that's a killer idea and if lynch intended to exploit it, he didn't do it well enough. and if he didn't intend to exploit it, he should.

last thought of the night is again about the violent femmes. they rock. but the specific thought is more about what the violent femmes mean to us. the guy who wrote the intro to the reiusse recounted the time he first heard and first got into the band. 1984, on the school bus. the record (well, tape) was playing ""kiss off" and the counting section started. one kid was singing, and by the end of the count the whole back of the bus was screaming "for everything everything everything everything." and that's essentially how it worked for me. except it wasn't 1984. it was uhh, probably 92 or 93. and it may not have been kiss off, it was probably blister in the sun. but it was still the debut cassette, being played on the school bus, and kids were singing. violent femmes and bad religion, that's what it was in those days. and i jus tthink it's weird as hell that violent femmes being introduced to kids on schoolbuses is some sort of national phenomenon.

off to pennsylvania for throwdown tomorrow. umm yay? we shall see.

another day another very tired brian.

test went eh. work went yay. picked up the violent femmes reissue and again shocked myself with how i know each and every note and subtlety from that album, it's craziness. after work, and by after work i mean 8 at night, i went to cambridge and met katie and adam for dinner at rock bottom which was nice even if adam conned me into getting both the most expensive and the smallest item on the menu.

also, this may be sexist of me, but whatever. spanish is the perfect class. my reason for this is simple. in spanish class, class participation is key. and it's the sort of participation that requires you put yourself out and try stuff and generally mess up. unlike english classes or business classes or blah blah blah where a question is posed, a hand is raised, and some canned answer is given. in spanish, you're called on, put on the spot, and just say "fuck it" and open your mouth and struggle through until you are prodded into the right answer. why am i bringing this up? because there's nothing cuter than a girl struggling for the right answer. it kills me. hit you over the head cute. first there's that look of fear, and then they say something and it's "no, wait, no" and a smile of frustration and then they are put in the right direction and their eyes light up and they say the right thing and they smile and it's just a beautiful thing. yay for spanish class.

uhoh, 11:05, late for bed.

needs: black socks, apartment

wants: tie rack, cd/dvd storage, cds/dvds, new computer, spanish class hearthrob, new clothes, better sense of style, new haircut, watch, a maid, all new audio/visual equipment, a parking space, spanish class hearthrob, 6 more hours in the day.

it's 10:50, almost past my bedtime. blah. i got home at 8:30 today, and then right to the spanish homework. test tomorrow, didn't study last time and i got a 100, we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

the index in the back of my spanish book is the biggest POS in the world. seriously, 8 times out of 10 i go to look something up and it's not there. and yet, today while looking for something like "different" or something, i found the definition for "to have diarrhea," (tener diarrea). what the hell? 75% of common things you'd like to say on a daily basis it doesn't have, but an almost useless and completely cognitive word like "diarrhea" and you're all set. also, the workbook had an almost scandalous drawing of a lovely young woman in the process of getting dressed whereing her shirt was so that it was just covering the horizontal area encompassing her breasts.

so working on newbury street is bad for me. it makes me think that i belong to some social class that i certainly do not. i go there and i desire, and truly think that i can, go have a $25 lunch each day, and go shopping and buy frivolous things, and take cabs wherever i want. i can't. i saw a listing for a 2 bedroom on newbury street and i though "oh, only $2000 per month." it's just such a nice and rich area. and i feel a part of it. today i was wearing a bold outfit for me, navy pants, yellow shirt, pink tie, and i was just like the shit. except i'm the shit who really shouldn't be dropping even 10 bucks a day on food (1 caesar wrap from the wrap, 1 can coca-cola, 1 apple, 1 box better cheddars).

uhh, i've been needing to buy a new cd for a couple days, and newbury didn't have the books cd so i settled on the new i am the world trade center. as much as i love disposable pop, i think this is even too disposable for me. granted, it's only one listen, there ARE some killer hooks, and the last 3 tracks really pick up.

also, the new flaming lips album is terrific. i'm digging it more than the soft bulletin, probably because i really hear it as a cohesive album about a robot who gets emotion and is then battled in an arena in a society that hates robots because they are going to kill everyone, but this robot cares and is beaten down and almost forgets how to love but falls in love and shit. that's my interpretation at least.

ooh, can't wait for work tomorrow. newbury st rocks and i'm going to pick up the violent femmes reissue. god bless rhino records.

oh yeah, finally gave the faint's blank-wave arcade a proper listening to today. nto as good as danse macabre, but some really great stuff. and instead of focusing on death and all that, almost every song is just a pent-up explosion of sexual energy. and "worked up so sexual" is as excruciatingly danceable as anything on danse macabre and it's my new favorite song of today.

i'm going to make this quick because god i want to go to bed.

i lfeft work at about 7 today and went to the prudential center for some soup since it is about 50 feet away from where i work. i got a bread bowl and a lemonade.

cashier: $7.09
me: ok, hold on i have a dime
cashier: ok
me: uhh, guess not, here's a quarter
cashier: ...
cashier: you don't have a dime?
me: no, just this quarter, take it
cashier: how about i just give you change
me: no thanks
cashier: but you'll get change anyway, it doesn't matter
me: it does matter, because i don't want to deal with 91 cents
cashier: well how much do i give you
me: 16 cents

i couldn't believe it. i didn't think that that actually happened. i always assumer it was just a story people said that they heard from someone else so that everyone can have a good laugh at how incredibly retarded people in the minimum wage workforce are. i was stunned. and really pissed off. but mostly stunned.

and now, sweet sweet bed.

what a day. but first i think i should at least gloss over the past few.

saturday found me doing uhh i don't remember, oh yeah, i went to the mall with adam and katie to buy work clothes, and then we all met up with other bostonians kids and went to bertucci's and then saw rich in how to succeed, fun stuff. that night was maryann's and then i came home to a very distressed mike and for about an hour and a half i gave him relationship advice. yeah, me, right?

sunday was uhh.... who the hell knows. it ended with me watching simpsons and buffy.

then today, i got up, got dressed up all purty and went to class. and then after class i hopped on the t and went towork. work was cool i guess, not too bad, and the girl who works across from me is quite hot. and then after work i went to maggiano's oh yeah, on sunday i went to maggiano's with the folks, forgot about that. anyway, after work i went to maggiano's with the 3 guys i work with and some dude who invests or insures them or soemthing. all i do know is that he bought us many bottles of wine and some damn fine food. and then we went to finale where i had a scrumptious dessert and a lovely glass of port. then i got a ride to harvard square with one of the guys who is old enough to be my father and i cabbed it to somerville to see mum.

i got to 608 and there was a line around the block, and then there was the "sold out" announcement and all the discouraged indie kids left. but i was a little drunk so i said fuck it, and decided i'd go in and say i was on the ZBC guest list and when they didn't find my name i'd throw a big stink about how this happened last time i won tickets to 608 and i specifically e-mailed zbc and was assured there would be no problems tonight blah blah blah. so i said i was on the zbc guest list, gave them my name, and they stamped me and let me in. cool.

then i ran into isaac from the secrets and we hung out and talked about indie girls and non indie girls and making music and how some girls were really cute and most girls suck for about an hour and a half. and then mum finally took the stage and we realized how goddam boring mum was live and why we thought it;d be a good show and we left. isaac was going to point me to a bus stop, but he ran into some friends and i got a ride home sweet.

also, martin is leaving the secrets, which makes their future uncertain. infinite sadness.

ok, bed time, probably won't be quite as exciting a day tomorrow, plus my new shoes ripped the hell out of my heels and they are raw and damaged and i'm sad about that.
---

and then blah blah blah blah blah

came home and drank tequila and beer with the roommettes minus brenda and later jen and luke. and it was good. and then i talked on the phone with katie for a long while with brenda in the room and we all talked and it was so sexy.

weird, this pilsner urquell actually reminds me of prague. oh man, what a trip that was. sigh.

ok so i worked, and left the gd career center and could not be happier about that, yo. then after work i came home. NO. i got a haircut and dropped off some dry cleaning but forgot the pants i really wanted cleaned, oh well. then i came home. what'd i do here you ask? really nothing. played ao for a while and then got onto my bed and slept for two hours. a pretty sad sight.

then around 10:45 katie and adam told me we were going to foxwoods. i got very excited, because doing spontaneous shit like that is what i'm all about, but ultimately, as should have been expected, they bailed. and i was sitting there with a toothbrush in hand at the bottom of my barrel.

so i lied down again and stewed. i had no real other alternatives other than to wallow in misery, that's what happens when you live in a basement with no tv and no one's around.

then i got up and checked the zbc concert report and found out that certainly sir and soviet were playing at TTs, so i went. I missed certainly sir, but caught soviet's entire set. it was great.

the band has a guitar, and 3 keyboard based instruments. i felt like i was at a high school dance in the breakfast club. everyone was there, molly ringwald, ally sheedy, judd nelson, emilio estevez with one hitch - they were all gay. seriously, there were more gays and lesbians there than i've ever seen in one place in my life. anyway, i'm not kidding, it felt like a 1980s movie high school dance. it was great. there was one guy dressed like a dork, one guy dressed like an late 80s punk with the jean jacket and what not, the singer was just all modded out with the sportcoat and t-shirt look, then there was post-apocolypse german guy on guitar wearing a sleeveless dress shirt with his tie strangely sculpted, and then there was amanda. oh, amanda. she had the 1950s librarian look with a sprockets attitude. kind of liv tyler in the facial structure but with less lips. plus, she had glasses on which just drives me wild. and they were those 1950s butterfly glasses to boot, oh sweet sweet retro fashion. mmm. i even got to talk to her briefly after the show.

anyway, a band i never heard before worked their way into my heart and cd collection and saved this night from utter disaster.

listening to the cd now. i can't believe that this is my scene. it's not right. this is ultimately thin music. but christ, i just can't get enough of it. throw some keyboards, drum machines and detached vocals at me and i melt like butter.

yo ho ho ho a pirate's life for me

so yeah uhhh errr ummmm

yesterday i went to class and then i went to interview and then i went to newbury comics where i bought the new flaming lips (yay) the long sought after kill rock stars comp the longer sought after kid606 album and the passively sought after interpol ep. joyous fun. then back to work where i was cursing my very existence as i stayed there until 7:30. i got a job i'll be starting monday on newbury street. between now and then i have to get an assload of dry cleaning done and buy new work clothes. i got home and played frequency for a bit and then went to the ground round to meet sean and adam. we were there for an eternity and then kicked it to roggie's, where we realized that the wednesday night karaoke scene at roggie's is beat. and this after only 2 weeks, quite sad really.

i had planned on waking at 6 this morning to study for my spanish test, you can guess if that happened. no matter though as i rocked the test. one great thing about that class is having a single song stuck in my head for 3 hours. i mean that. today, it was a little snippet of cex's julia walsh and i was totally digging it. yesterday it was hefner. who knows what tomorrow will hold. oh wait, no class tomorrow. wow, class is 1/3 over already. bziarre.

worked, came home, gamed and laundried. katie and i came darn close to scoring an easy apartment, but $950 a head is a little steep for us unfortunately.

oh um er dar. yeah, that's about all i'm giving out tonight. also, tomorrow is friday, i could not be any more happy about that small simple fact.

spanish went fine yesterday, the class has got decent people in it, the professor can be entertaining, there's the requisite spanish class hearthrob across the room and i was able to maintain crystal focus until the last 20 minutes or so. then work. then home for videogames.

spanish went fine today, class has still got decent people in it, the professor can still be entertaining, and there's still my lovely senorita across the room. Although i did lose focus at about the 30 minutes to go mark.

then work. then i came home with my new game i got from a trade, frequency. I inteded to sit down immediately, try it out, and then get a mountain dew and play some more. it's 9pm, i just stopped playing. i completely forgot to get a mountain dew and now i don't know what the hell to do. because i want one, but there's also that caffeine keeps you awake myth that will probably choose tonight to come true. alas, i'm helpless.

hmm,i bet the over is preheated now, gonna go tend to it. you see, the dinner of the week is elio's frozen pizza. i got 2 boxes of 9 slices at star market the other day for 4 bucks, so if i have 2 slices per dinner that works out to forty cents a meal. which is approximately what nissin cup noodles cost, and substantially less than easy mac, and i feel that my two pizza slices is much more substantial and rewarding a food. and now, i must send them to the oven for their cheesy, saucy, deaths.

so anyway, frequency rules but i think i must stop for the evening, because i want to watch some simpsons + commentaries. oh balls, i have some spanish homework too. oh, the game has a synthpop song sung by a girl about falling in love with robots. and if you know anything about me... that equals to big trouble.

so more spanish fun tomorrow. ugh. then going to interview with some guy who seems quite desperate to give me some crappy job. we'll check out the scene, and if i'm liking what he's selling and vice versa i might be relocating to newbury street for the 9-5.

KRAFT EASY MAC
ELLIOS 9PAK PI
ELLIOS 9PAK PI
NBC PREMIUM SA
KEEBLER FUDGE ST
MTN DEW 24PK C
DRAKES FP DEVI
PLNT WHITE CHED
PLNT CHEEZ
SS CHEEZ-IT
PERT NORM SHAMP
KEL SMORES POPX

my receipt from star market. i think it's quite telling that i have completely stopped giving a damn about anything even remotely resembling a halfway decent diet.

on thursday adam and i went to anna's taqueria and then adam sean and i watched a little suckfest called From Hell. And then sealab. yay sealab.

Friday was a far less adventure-filled day at work. after work i really wanted to rent one of two games at blockbuster, which they of course did not carry. So instead i sucked it up and beat the GD tactics ogre level that was kicking my ass. THen i went to bamboo for some thai food with some kids and then we went to katie's for what was to be an hour or so before we went out proper. Well, we had some sangria and stella artois and then the night devolved to katie being very drunk, adam looking at pictures of dogs online and oly going home. no mary anne's as promised. Mind you that it was 11:30 when i got home. more than a little buzzed, not close to tired, and fidgety as hell. i wasn't in the mood for video games or anything. i sat at my computer and started looking at web pages which eventually led me to pages featuring legos. and boy, how i wished i had some legos right then. seeing the legos put me in a singular mood to do something, to make something, to create, build. I needed an outlet and quick. so i thought, what can i make. i looked around my room for supplies. The best i could come up with is making some sculpture out of beer bottles and putty. Then i realized i could go to a store and get glue and popsicle sticks or something. and then i realized the chances of 7-11 having either of those were little to none. So i went upstairs to my teacher roommate and asked if she had glue, she did. then i got spaghetti from my closet. then back downstairs, i put on loud music, grabbed a beer, and for the next 2.5 hours i was busy gluing together the beginnings of a spaghetti bridge. it's 2 spaghettis long and one third spaghetti wide and it can support some weight if i secure the ends, but it bends quite a bit at the seam where a fashioned to lenghtwise sections together. it severely needs top and bottom supports, which i believe will do wonders to both alleviating the bend in the middle as well as removing the need to weight the ends down, but fixing spaghetti at angles in three dimensions with elmer's glue is incredibly difficult, especially while drunk. I was working very dilligently, and i wish i had taped it or something because i'm sure it was a sight.

ok, one of my new ELIOS PIs is ready, so i will eat that as i watch sealab and then play videogames or soemthig and continue this later. wow, i'm fighting the urge to fix that "something" misspell so hard. i know i have typos all the time here, but usually i just don't notice them, and what we can't see can't hurt us. but that "soemthig" is quite visible right now. oh well. eat time.

saturday i did stuff all day and then went out to mary anne's with some kids but mike got rejected because he had no photo backup so we went to roggie's instead which was asstastic. roggie's closed at like 12, mike katie and oly went back to katie's and i went to maryanne's where i met up with sean and we stayed for a while and then i came home and went to sleep.

Today i watched metrolopis (anime, not silent) which was pretty much awesome. some really thrilling visual stuff. it made me really nostalgic for final fantasy 7 actually, which is kind of weird. The scene on the snowy steps is one of my recent favorite scenes i do believe. also, kickass music throughout, including a ray charles song used in the end sequence which was just brilliant. that reminds me, i really liked the use of california dreaming in chungking express and i should see that movie again.

then star market, i got there and realized i left my wallet at home so i had to come back and go back and blah. then videogames.

class tomorrow. woohoo. 8:30 which should be interesting since i've been having trouble getting to work by 9:30. Also, it's sunday so i'm guaranteed trouble sleeping. woohoo. no puedo esperar!

tuesday blah blah blah watched elephant man blah still really creepy blah noticed lynchian elements blah blah etc. well, enough of that, elephant man rules except it makes me hate everyone. like giving him the dressing kit, noble gesture or a mockery? i'll never know, but i will remain fascinated with john merrick so much as to look him up on the inter-web after this. Also, anthony hopkins never seems like anthony hopkins, it's weird. I think the black and white helped to that effect, it is very convincing, makes me think i'm watching real historical footage rather than a film made in 1980. Also, i'm obsessed with david lynch and want to pay money to look at his website.

yesterday blah blah. had an apartment dinner. Jenny cooked, gave us all a couple glasses of wine and then instated a cleaning schedule. Sneaky, but clever. Then adam and steph came by and later i went to roggie's with katie and they were there and sean too. i heart kareoke night. I sang copa which was fun, and then i sang what a feeling because i thought it would be fun. terrible, but fun. terrible it was, moreso than i thought. but i sang it with some foreign dude and that was fun. blah blah none of this matters because i want to talk about today.

Today has been a day of many adventures. When i got to work, i saw that the office had some weird computer stuff done to it and of course it didn't work properly, so my internet didn't work. Now without my internet, i'm hardly able to do my job of wasting the entire day looking at the internet. So i sat and drank my coffee being bored. but someone i once knew was fond of saying "there is no bored, only boring people" so i decided that i would dedicate the rest of the day to adventure.

My first adventure involved playing the new Elvis Costello CD and dancing around the room. I can do that when no one is down here. So that was excited. My next adventure was a surprise. someone called to ask about internships, and i talked to them. I was feeling wacky and adventurous so i flirted for a while, my personal favorite line coming about halfway through our 2-3 minute conversation: "So... the district attorney's office eh?" (she was calling from the district attorney's office).

After that phone call i decided that the career center was too small to contain me and my wild propensity for adventure. so i went outside and up to campus to register for class. after going to the dean's office to get some paper i had to go across the quad to lyon's to get it signed by someone. And there were people everywhere, making this my hardest adventure yet. I rolled up my paper and put it to my eye and used it as a pirate's spyglass. I believe this hindered my walk more than help it as, and you can try this at home - all you need is a piece of paper and your eye, it is very difficult to walk with a piece of paper being used as a pirate's spyglass. There were some more adventures up on campus, including, but not limited to, running into breaux and almost going into the library to seek out john.

I wasn't back at the career center for too long until i was once overcome with adventuritis. So i hopped in my car and drove it to the honda dealership where i talked with three different people and arranged to have my car fixed so i no longer need to use duct tape on its underside. And then i went to the oriental grocery to by magic lychee nut gelatin snacks. i asked the gentleman working if they had them and he told me no. I think he was lying because he didn't want to sell to "my kind" of people. and then i went to mcdonalds and took the T back home.

Now, back at work, i think my adventurer joneses (get it, like indiana jones) have been sated. and by sated, i mean the internet works again so i can look at amazon.com and bukkake porn.

Also, i wish i had a scanner because i can't find a picture of this book online, but let me tell you about it. It is Peterson's Internships 2003, a largish 800 page volume outlining internships all over the country. The cover of it is a young girl, who probably got an internship from the book, standing in nice business casual clothes with a look on her face that if you study it long enough, appears to be a look of fear. There are two men on either side of her. To her left, in the foreground, is an out of focus man in a blue dress shirt staring ahead at a computer. To her right, at the end of a table in the background, is a man, probably Peterson himself, sitting down wearing a blue golf shirt holding his glasses between his hands. He's looking at our lovely intern, very intently, sizing her up, figuring that if blue dress shirt guy holds his position, he can sneak up and show her why she was really hired. And she senses something is up, thus the look of fear, but also her eyes are looking towards the foreground but to the right of where the picture ends. She's planning her escape, or at the very least sees a pair of scissors or something with which to protect her virtue. This picture has given me hours of entertainment. I need to get out more.

there's some guy i've never seen before in our kitchen slicing celery with a large knife. Now usually, this would be fine, but i just watched marathon man and i'm a little bit on edge.

i'm living a lie. i just, because of some weird cosmic tear, lost what i had written for the night, and i was going to go about my business and attempt a rewrite without mentioning anything, but i just can't do it. so without further...

last night was great. i went to bed at 1, fell asleep around 2:30, woke up at 5:30 and fell asleep again at 8. It's weird, cause at the 5:30 wakeup, i went upstairs for some water because, despite brushing my teeth, and still had popcorn mouth. and i went up the stairs and it was bloody daylight outside. at 5:30am. I thought with later nights came later days, but that's apparently only in normal world and not this bizarre copy we're living on.

it was find another job monday at work today, and i spammed my resume out to a number of places begging them to steal my soul. I just checked my messages and one has called back, but do to him rushing his speech and perhaps a bad connection, all i caught was that his name was rob and he got my resume and i should call him at his number. it's like a mystery. who is at the other end of this number? is it rob? did he get my resume today?

in other news, i am feeling super healthy today because i exercised twice. once, when i walked to more hall to cash a birthday check, and again when i walked to blockbuster later on. I walked to blockbuster because i had read an article at work about how they are burying john merrick's bones or something, and in honor of that, well, moreso in recognition of that, i felt like getting the elephant man. Plus, it fits nicely into my recent david lynch kick. I also wanted to pick up the straight story, but alas, they have tremors 3 and cruel intentions 2 and the skulls 2 and ever other godforsaken straight to video release in their mammoth dvd section, but ask for a respected movie like the straight story or crash and you're like some kind of cosmic idiot. and before you try and call me out on me lumping a movie about destructive vehicular eroticism in with "respected movies" i have this to say to you: tremors 3?

so i picked up marathon man instead, bringing the total of remaining movies at this hellspawn blockbuster i want to rent down to 2 or 3. Fritz Lang's M and a couple others. So what of this? Do i swallow my pride and bust out the VCR, or do i start giving netflix some of my hard earned cash?

i came home, caught an episode of sealab 2021, and then made some popcorn. i made it without butter tonight, and it tasted a little bland at first, but once i started rubbing salt into it it was flavor country. makes me wonder if the slight flavor boost from butter outweighs the hassle of cutting the butter and washing my hands after handling the butter and then the cleanup afterwards - although, i guess the vegetable oil isn't none too easy to clean off. so i guess butter it is. it's more healthy that way, anyway.

ok that'll do it for me, perhaps there were some nuggets of amazingness that were lost in the cosmic tear, perhaps not. all i know is that i have to hang up my clothes now because dryers are not allowed to work when i'm involved with them, and then i'm going to sleep.

if i could be granted one wish, and only one wish, it'd be that tomorrow is monday and begins a full work week. and then if i were somehow so lucky to be granted another wish, it would be that next week i have another full work week and the spanish class of the damned begins. sigh, if only i were so lucky.

i watched the first episode of buffy yesterday and it was magical. It was like falling in love for the first time. again. my heart goes out to buffy, nevermind the fact that i don't live in sunnydale, but she's got a tough lot in life, all those vampires and such. but people seem to overlook the toughest thing for her. not the vampires, hell no. she's a girl in high school, she's got all that stuff to deal with, she can't have a normal social life, go on dates with boys, and when she finally gets with a guy, well. plus, she's got an overbearing mother who doesn't trust her and then there are all the goddam hellspawn. she's a true hero.

so drove out to the barking crab last night, met the kids. it's a real fun place. despite our having reservations, it was like an hour before they seated us, but hey, it's a nice summer night and it's out on the water and there's a bar and i'm allowed in it now. so we chilled out for a while, then sat. i had shrimp scampi largely because it came with garlic bread and it was delicious. went home, and miraculously, at about 11pm, there was a parking spot right outside my place.

i went down to err, the white horse tavern or some place, met up with oly lori kyle and laura and druan and drew were there and i had grownup drinks and then booked it at around 1 or so to go to diana's to meet the other kids. they were all playing 7-11 doubles, the table was full so i just chilled until everyone left, finished up a beer with darren and then kicked it to the homestead.

today i spent some time with several of my favorite video and computer games and then got indoctrinated into the world of sealab 2021. it's this show that i guess runs during adult swim on saturday nights on cartoon network. it's that old 70s style animation a la space ghost. sealab 2020 was a real cartoon back in the day, so they brought it back, same animation, one year later, but with space ghost style humor. it's lovely. 12 minute episodes so it never wears out its welcome and the captain is by god the funniest guy in the world. he sends out the entire crew out to the ocean for a find or die mission to retrieve his happy cake oven, "it's not a toy. it makes real cupcakes. with a 40 watt bulb. and there's icing packets. but the secret ingredient is love. dammit." oh and the show has erik estrada as one of the voices. i love quality tv that i only watch when i download it to my computer.

then i ordered chinese food. flirted with thai for a while, but realized i don't know thai food and kung pao chicken is always reliable. so i ate that and popped in T2. yay. 11 years later and the T-1000 effects still totally kick ass. i've wanted to watch this since the T3 logo trailer on thursday. i'm worried about T3. arnold is the only one returning. no cameron, no writing guy, no linda, even furlong isn't coming back to play 20something john connor. oh, and the bad terminator is a chick. sounds a little sketchy. did i mention claire danes is in the cast? yeah, i think skynet becoming self-aware is a more comforting scenario.

i had something interesting and/or insightful i meant to remember but i forgot it.

yesterday there was much playing of videogames. At about 6 i think, 5 maybe? five probably. well, whenever it was i went over to steph's and ordered in japanese food from mr. sushi which was pretty darn tasty and then i walked down to sean's, he bailed on happy hour, but darren and john went with me for 45 minutes or so. Then i went back to sean's where i watched two episodes of happy days and realized just what a damn cool character the fonz really was.

then sean and i went to steph's where a bunch of people had gathered to go to great scott's to see lex play. leblanc suggested asshole and they all decided to play with the communist rules of doubles on singles, so sean and i took a hard protest which lasted a couple of rounds and then oly said i could start as VP so i jumped on the chance, exploited their commie rules and became president effectively crushing the red menace.

then we went to scott's. dimo had a fake for the evening which worked. i had one of those expensive beers and then kicked it with natty ice dollar drafts. and i got a couple free too, guess i exploited my mad "i know the band powers." steplight was really good, but sean and i bailed after the first set because we didn't feel like paying for a cab.

we went to mary anne's, had a couple there, darren showed up for a half hour or so, then sean and i left at closing time and went to lex's commune. no lex, but we eventually went in anyway as sean was deep into a conversation with one of lex's weird friends about the philosophy of library science or something crazy like that. sean left at some point, i'm not sure when, lex and friends showed up, i hung out till 4 or 5 or something. Woke up to find my nails painted and i probably have a piercing somewhere.

tonight i go to the barking crab with fasano, oly and lori and kyle from the real world. yes, all you people reading this because you are crazy insane real world fans who scare the living daylights out of me, i am going out to dinner with not one, but two real world cast members. i will talk to them, possibly try their food, and learn EVERY SINGLE THING you ever wanted to know about being famous, and i will take many pictures, and make it all available to you in the forthcoming members section.

then after dinner i dunno, i was supposed to go out with mike, but that didn't happen, and when that was the plan darren yelled at me, so i guess i'll be hanging out with darren on this his last night in boston.

ok. so i went to work on wednesday, where i believe that i bested my own record of how little work one can possible do over a multiple hour span.

after work i came home and darren and tim came over and we played video games and then they left and i showered and headed down to the sunset grill for dinner with adam katie oly and sean. the place was good. i kicked off with a beer from texas - texas cold and texas bold. that was fun, but not as fun as sean's yanjing from china, which adam and i both decided tasted indiscribably chinese. after dinner we went to the avenue, drinks, our house, drinks, roggie's, drinks AND karaeoke. i started off with that's life, then some girls sang a crappy version of at the copa, then adam sang friends in low places. and then proud to be an american came on. adam katie and i all took turns singing, and the best moment came during one of the verses with adam singing the song and me giving a patriotic speech about how the next day was the fourth of july and we should all be proud to be living under the red white and blue and to only drink domestic beer. i do believe it was one of the greatest moments ever.

then, we walked to seans for mad party fun where i lost a couple of friends and retired to the couch, for all intents and purposes, dead. then the cops came. so we went to maryanne's some of us, and i got the life back into me. denise and i greatly wanted to have a drink that was on fire, but the humps at MA's would have nothing to do with that so it was beer instead. hung out there till closing, then i hung out in the air conditioned goodness of todd's room until darren died to me and then i went on home, got a bottle of water, some advil, and surprisingly made it to bed.

thursday rolled around, i showered and got picked up by lori and we went to BC and then onto the t and down into the city. by about 3 o'clock the bunch of us, oly, katie, adam, lori, kyle from the real world, dimo and the colliers were set up on the esplanade right across from the fireworks barge melting in the 100 degree weather. at about 4, dimo and i bounced and walked down to kenmore to get some eats and spend 2 hours in a frigid movie theatre watching MiB2, which was not a good movie. but, it kept us cool for two hours, so it has that going for it. and then it was back to the esplanade, it had cooled down a bit. we played some uno and some hearts and then mr. barry manilow took the stage and sang his songs. there was a group of like 30 drunk kids in front of us who were apparently on spring break. aside from that, it was just nastily hot and we were all dirty and gross and there were goddam bugs everywhere, causing me to flip out and flail my limbs about wildly more than 20 times. soon after barry came a horrible little girl singing a horrible version of the pledge of allegiance set to music, and then the patriotic sing along and then fireworks! yes, many boomies and it was great and for half an hour i forgot about the discomfort and the bugs. yay for the fourth of july.

t'd it home, showered, went to meet up with darren but plans collapsed and i just came home and went to sleep.

i need to eat somethng today, i also need to scour my room one last time to see if i can find my debit card. thank god the weather is back down to mmortal levels. i'm so lazy blah.

tonight is great scott's for beer and lex's band. tomorrow is great scott's for beer and joe's band. sunday is the worst day in the universe because it marks the following day's return to the working week.

so yes, HUGE mad thank yous to katie and sean and oly and adam for spending lots of dollars for my eating and drinking on wednesday night. also katie for buffy goodness. lesser huge mad thank yous but still pretty huge to sean and tim and darren and denise and dave and kate for coming out on tuesday and for whoever bought me drinks that night for buying me drinks. sorta huge mad props for the fat girl running karaeoke at roggie's for giving me the mic during proud to be an american. huge negative props for that girl at the avenue sean knew for suggesting that drink that tasted like watered down kahlua. more negative props for our waitress at the sunset grill for taking way too long to bring us our check. and more negs to the fat hump in mary anne's who wouldn't set a drink on fire for us. huge mad props to the chinese for inventing fireworks and to the americans for stealing them for our own patriotic use. big ups to anyone who was at sean's who may have said something to me but i forgot.

and now, laziness.

because everyone loves the guy who talks about how much he drank last night, here is a new feature entitled "HOW MUCH I DRANK LAST NIGHT"

uhh, after work i came home and setup the interweb for the apartment. just the tiny action of running wires and walking back and forth caused me to become drenched with sweat. I blame either the heat or my chronic obesity.

then i did crap for a while and tim came over and we went to sean's.

there i drank some beers as i thought of interesting ways to kill myself as todd tim sean and darren played an hour long match of supergay nintendo wrestling. it's entertaining to watch for maybe 10-15 minute,s but then gets unbearable, especially when it's your birthday.

anyway, we did some asshole and then at midnight hiked across the street to maryanne's. got a beer and frankly, wasn't feeling it. or perhaps, better stated, i WAS feeling it. a bit to omuch. i spent the first hour of bar time basically being miserable, nursing my beer, and defending myself from more alcohol. oh had a shot of jaeger at the beginning. but at some point, the people trying to kill me got more and more persuasive and i agreed to a shot, as long as it was gay and didn't make me think of the alcohol contained within. so it was a kamikaze or some shit that tasted exactly like lemonade and it was fine. i then called mancini (!?) and he said "do a shot of soco for me" and i was like "sure! great! uh-huh!" seemingly forgetting that moments ago i wanted to go home and cry. and then another beer and a very stumbly walk home. while certainly not a model for excessive drinking, i am impressed at how horrible i felt and then my miraculous recovery.

the only phone call i received that night was from mancini, who, by the way, was WORKING at 1am when i first called him. that blew my mind. i made many other phone calls. talked to casey, left messages to various peeps and, now this one is hazy, but i remember leaving darren's mom a message. i have no idea who the message was sent to, but i was definitely addressing it to darren's mom.

i believe the last half hour of the evening really picked up and many enjoyable things were said/done, but short of the darren's mom message and the drinking, whatever those things were are a mystery. hooray.

today, after work, i believe there is some going out to dinner and then to bars to be had and then apparently back to sean's.

omg!

i almost 4got! lol this is too funny. last nite i was at sean's place b/c john totally turned 21 and that's soo exciting 4 him. and wlel, anyway, darren came and i was like so what's up with u? and on the t ride sum girl welcomed him to boston :) b/c of his luggage or something i guess, whatever, he was like thnx its my first time :P i was sooo drunk and was just like omg lol u r 2 funny!!!!!! OH i'm going out 2 dinner 2morrow 4 my birthday and i CAN'T WAIT. it's going to be soooo rad and i can't wait to c katie and oly and every1. oh and i herd the new counting crows song on the radio 2day and it's totally great, even better than "hangin' arounddd" i couldn't believe it. they're the best. oK! hahahahahah for real i gtg now i'll ttyl!!!! :) :) :)

listening to: bLinK 182
mood: happy!! :) :)

ugh ok so work totally sucks i just hate it so much. when can i sto pthis when can i just leave and never come back? everything has to be so hard. i just don't understand anything, everything is such a distorted mess. what am i doing? what am i feeling? i have no answers. my heart beats but why? what is keeping it going, what do the beats mean. last night iw as just sitting in my room crying, nothing is bringing me out of it, not even my poetry. my poetry always used to work, writing it, it's take me some place else. but everything is just crap now, uninspired, soulless. i'm a waste.

listening to: the promise ring
mood: depressed

welcome one and all to a very frightening development in self-titled's lifestyle: the update at work.

This has all the makings of a more standard blog format where i pipe in throughout the day to inform you of interesting things such as "i just went to mcdonalds and it was good" or, "work sucks" or "i enjoy listening to music." this could happen 2, 3, or even hundreds of times daily. I will need to go to a new layout though, as the daily setup won't work well when i have 50 short blurbs for monday. I'll also add a picture of myself being dark and brooding in the upper right, and finish each update off with a "listening to:" thingy and a smiley face representing my current mood. yes friends, self-titled is going live journal.

also, this'll probably be the only entry for today, until i have something clever to say in ten minutes. at midnight, as you may know, i turn 21. and at that point, i will take full advantage of being above the law as far as age is concerned by smoking alcoholic cigarettes while playing blackjack in a pornographic casino.

ok, so some cosmetic changes on the front page. pick your month on the right hand side. figure it out. if there are any problems please e-mail me.

today i did work and then came home for some sweet sweet videogames.

then i went to sean's. john turned 21 at midnight so we drank. then i was going to go to maryannes with the 10% chance that maybe the bouncer would cut be a break, tomorrow being MY birthday at midnight at what not, but i left my wallet at home so that solved that right quick.

ok, so tomorrow night i go out to bars legally and i'm am quite excited for that.

aside from that, i'm just going to sleep now as i dread having to work tomorrow.

stay tuned for future self-titled cosmetic improvements in the coming week. i know there's a lot of stuff that's kind of screwed up right now, but i do plan on fixing it all.

i have to do some stuff right now to get this link working correctly, wish me luck.