self-titled: ^_^

so after going to notre dame and then not going to notre dame i am now going to notre dame. i will leave tomorrow after work and be very tired and then sleep and then wake up and hopefully have a hell of a time
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last night was poker, another great 5am evening, and i only lost about $15, pretty wild night full of ups and downs and pizza etc. with salsa.

i was quite fine at work today until about 4pm when i started falling asleep, a quick run across the street and a red bull and i was all set.

came home, played gta, then sean came over to join katie and i for cowboy hat wednesday. then adam came and got to work on making a jack-o-latern of the bc eagle, and i just saw it with the lights out and a candle inside and it's cool as hell.

also, our landlord is insane. he called me up and was all "bian, tell me the tooth, how many people live there" and then proceeded to explain how he knows that many people live here because he see many different people coming into the house. well joe, there's a little thing called visitors, you damn idiot. just because you have none and you keep your wife locked up and she isn't allowed to leave the house doesn't mean that we have to live adhering to your bizarre chinese customs of nazi regime. ugh. i can't believe he called me and then accused me of lying, what an ass.

i loaded up another 300 songs to the ipod today, bringing me to 800 and change, and i'm still only at like a third capacity, it's unreal.

ok, it's 12:30 and way past the bedtime i prescribed for myself tonight. haven't packed or prepared or anything for the trip, save for adding another bunch of albums and playlists to my beautiful little machine. i'll just throw some shit together quick tomorrow before boarding the rv. also, anyone have a ticket to the game?

my lips are all chappy and stuff, i blame dehydration. sleep.

was just going to go to bed but then i realized we just gained an hour, so i've got some time to kill.

made a very brief stop at happy hour yesterday, wasn't feeling it, came home and popped in suikoden 3 for a bit, not bad, growing on me fast.

then we went to the mods for adam/tim's party, it was alright. partied per usual, got home, and slept hard till about 1 today, guess i was making up for the past week or something.
then today was beautiful. showered, threw on my pajama pants and my soup kitchen shirt and assumed a position on the couch which i left for maybe 30 minutes total. played video games, watched simpsons, then later on adam katie joined me to watch beauty and the beast.

i didn't intend to watch it, but got sucked in. the early parts of the movie, where the beast is kind of bumbling around trying to get belle to join him to dinner, where he's trying to be gentlemanly and what not but just couldn't pull it off - well, it was at that moment that i realized that beauty and the beast would make an incredible sitcom. katie wasn't buying it, and adam brought up the old drama where the beast lived in a new york city sewer so i geuss he wasn't quite on the same page as i. it's your perfect odd couple. like will and grace, except for instead of a straight girl and a gay guy you have a straight girl and a 9 foot tall beast who is imprisoning the girl so she'll fall in love with him. it'd have to be more of a parody of a sitcom, where everything is really overdone and not subtle, for instance, let's say belle is in her bedroom and the beast goes up with lumiere to get her to come down to dinner and belle says no, then the beast roars and says "you will come down and eat or i'll kill you" and then belle would start crying or something and then the beast would look to the camera, give a big shrug and turn to lumiere and say "i just wanted her to taste the pork roast, cogsworth really outdid himself this evening" then lumiere would say "oh, master" and accidentally set the beast on fire and the beast would howl and run outside into the snow and then the laugh track would go off and it'd be commercial break.

funny how most of my ideas end up with someone being set on fire. i refer you to this entry where i layout the plot of the it's a wonderful life spin off movie starring george and clarence on a wild and wacky crime caper. i still think this is one of my best ideas ever.

also, back to beauty and the beast, while watching it, many sloppy things were noticed such as if every plate, fork, knife, cup, etc. in the place is enchanted, as shown in the be our guest production number, what the hell happens when the spell is lifted, they have to buy all new stuff? and there are frigging suits of armor with swords that have been enchanted, and yet at the end when the angry mob storms the castle, the furniture-people's main offense is doing stuff like tripping people with the dog footstool. this and more. but the one that really gets to me and i think adam is this. belle falls in love with the beast, it's sweet, the spell gets lifted because of this blah blah blah, tears shed, etc. however, she falls in love with the beast without knowing anything about the curse. meaning she thinks he's going to be a 10 foot tall, 500 pound, fanged, clawed, hairy beast his entire life. now stick with me here, knowing all this, she falls in love with him. as he's on his deathbed, moments before he turns into the prince (which she had no previous knowledge of) she says "it's ok, we're together now." meaning she was there with him in beast form, and she planned to live out the rest of her days with him, in his 500 pound hairy glory. Now it's great that she fell in love with the inner man, but when a real woman falls in love with the inner man, she still is going to be having sex with the outer man. you meet a fat guy, you fall in love with him because he's sweet, caring, rich, whatever, at the end of the day you're still going to bed with a fat guy. and the beast is much, much, much different than a fat guy. i'll tell you what that whole thing is, fucked up. i'm sorry mom, i know you want me to stop using that word, but there's just no other way to go about it. the tag line for the movie is "the most beautiful love story ever told," and i was with that to a certain point until i started thinking about it a little more closely and now it just makes me ill.

and that's all i got. guess i'll go to bed now.

also weird. it's saturday night at 2am. i'm here. i've been here. this wasn't really saturday night, that's the story i'm going to go with. not that i'm ashamed about not going out, it's just weird and unprecedented.

macromedia sucks because i'm forced to use notepad tonight because i couldn't succesfully crack dreamweaver. katie sucks for twice now teasing me with buffy and then reneging, thus making baby jesus cry. darren sucks because he failed to call me even though i didn't want to go out. but it's ok, because i've spent the night playing with expensive pirated audio programs realizing just how much i want to be the next kid606 but also how i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing. i threw a flange effect on something and that was kinda keen.

tuesday equaled mixing in southie then straight home for poker. hurrah. wednesday equaled an our and a half of sleep and work then straight home for uhh, err, is today wendesday? no. it was yesterday. oh yes, i came home, did stuff i don't remember then came home and watched stevie dreamboat malkmus in the pavement doc and some videos. Today i fell asleep on the train on the way to work and missed mys top then went to work and worked and came home and played football and then played with sounds.

also,i guess the bostonians cd is done or something. all the tracks may be mixed now. it's good. best of what's around is sort of unreal. i'm naturally required to not like buddy holly, but i also really dont think its good.

i don't like typing in notepad anymore so i will stop.

i have a new reason for getting up in the morning. i call it:

20 days, 20 ways

and it involves me preparing 20 ramen packets in 20 different ways. and i probably need to buy other ingredients, such as eggs, and tobasco, and all sorts of vegetables, and chicken and rice. and maybe the beef ramen variety, and beer.

tonight was the premier episode, and i kept it really light because i had no choice. i made my ramen, and threw in a dash or two of sesame oil (which is not cheap, $7 for a mid-size bottle), and it really made a difference. and it opened my eyes to what a strange and wonderful world this crazy place is.

tomorrow (or wednesday, whenever i get around to my next ramen day) i may go salsa ramen surprise, or perhaps Igor's Magickal Mystery Combat Ramen which involves garlic, eggs, tabasco, pepper, ginger and whiskey. as you may be predicting, this will eventually turn into a hit or miss gross out fest, where i will throw in random ingredients and see what comes out. ooh, italian ramen sounds fun.

oh balls, one of the primary reasons i went to start market yesterday, bacon bits, i forgot all about. i'm so dumb.

i think i need to start convincing katie tht we should eat real food so that i have leftovers and other ingredients to play with. uhoh. ramen flambe. ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. chocalate bar ramen dessert? am i so daring? this will be an incredible test of my inner strangth i think.

i think i had other things to say, but quite frankly, the prospect of brian's disastorous forays in creative cooking just thrills me too much.

hmmm, my palm pilot's memory has been cleared, which kinda sucks as i was counting on it to import all my contacts back to the new pc but now i have to do magic stuff with outlook oh well. i like fresh starts and now i have one.

got up and went to the game saturday. err, went to the mods rather, when i attempted to go to the game, i was obviously posing a threat to the safety of myself and others and then had to deal with people who don't know how to properly wield authority. it was lame, whatever.
after my umm, release, i headed briefly to the mods and then back home where i chatted with katie's aunt for like an hour and a half and then went to bed to "rest for an hour" before going out again. needless to say, i made up for some lost sleep.

today i was lazy, well, not really lazy. got up around 10:30, played a little bit of the crossing, went and spent $100 on groceries, got mcdonald's, came back home, played my football game at edmonds, came back home and watched a couple episodes of buffy, played some computer, and went to see punch drunk love with tim. the movie was great.

and now i'm going to umm, go to bed i guess and sleep up for the work week. wuhoo.

i feel like last night was really cool. bunch of us went to jake ivory's, some bar where there are a bunch of long tables set up and two pianos on a stage and guys with a lot of talent sit at the pianos and take requests and play anything. we got there, and there were no so many people there, but we were quickly established as the bc table and for boston was played a bit. we got pitchers and then the concensus was to leave for who's after the pitchers were empty. but you see, darren and i were enjoying the live music and perhaps throuhg our special powers we stayed.

request hour ended at midnight, at which point, the super medley began, and we got up and all started dancing. and a dance party it was, as the very talented people blazed through about every danceable, recognizable tune was played. whitesnake was played and we played air guitar despite the only true instrumentation being two pianos and us screaming at the top of our lungs. a who medley was also played. darren and i went treasure hunting and found many wounded cups of beer, some of which contained champagne, so it was always a crap shoot. bing walked home a 27 year old and i uhh, danced and close talked a bit with the 25 year old birthday girl. the moral of this story is i had as much fun as i've had in a long time and i'm glad we didn't go to who's.

went to work this morning not quite sober (although tim k has me far beat in terms of cool stories) and then worked. went to happy hour where some beers were had and the bud light guys showed up because "they had nothing else to do" and i scored a hat. presto's, then to edmonds where i watched as darren and todd got gussied up for homecoming, and then i was sad i never went to a bc dance and was not going to this one. then they left and i started watching the computer play itself in college football.

tim s called and we went to see moonlight mile, which was pretty much a big "eh," but on the good movie side of "eh," which isn't entirely bad. i was very stupid and in a movie full of 70s music and a character who was killed in vietnam, i left and tim made a comment about how the only reason he liked it being set in the 70s was the soundtrack and then i said "it was set in the 70s?" also, there was a point in the movie where i was jealous of donnie darko because his fiance had been killed. that whole "better to have loved and lost" thing.

then i went to edmonds where i watched the sequel to vampire$ starring jon bon jovi with sean and the doroghazis and then we watched a lot of the jesus movie starring kirk cameron. at about 2 we went to the mods and team lanky beat team short in the edmonds 830 reuinion match and then more beirut was played and then i tried to learn to dance from john's bro but i fear the wham! dance is outside of my skill level, but i will certainly keep at it.

i officially have more music than i could ever hope to listen to. I just deleted 1 gig worth of stuff i've never heard and probably never want to. and there is so much stuff i have that i haven't heard, but won't delete because hey, you never know, one day i may sit down, check it out, and be pleasantly surprised. my only problem is that my 80gig drive is at capacity, and while i have another hard drive i could put spill over onto, it really fucks with my whole organisation scheme. what's a girl to do?

it's been an incredibly unproductive long weekend, and i loved it.

after friday's foray into unhappiness, i went over to edmonds early saturday afternoon for some college football playing. had a beer or two during my game against luke (i lost). a few games in between and then john and i played an exhibition game and all hell broke loose. it was john darren sean and i, none of us with more than a beer or two for the past 4 hours, and suddently we were all just incredibly giddy. then darren had a 40 and john and i finished a bottle of jim beam as john and i played the funnest game of ncaa2003 ever.

then we went to tim's party, and i left at like 11:30 because that was the correct thing to do. so heh, came home, managed to catch kk slider playing outside the train station, nearly passed out as he played for me, and then i went straight to bed.

sunday i uhh got up, played nintendo, did some stuff, crushed tk's notre dame, did some more stuff, went to blockbuster excited to rent the thing. blockbuster screwed me. as did every other movie store in a ten mile radius. it's the thing, a fairly big cult classic that just had a nice new dvd release a year or two again, you'd think SOMEONE would have it. i was still big time in the mood to watch a movie that was in a small space and involved things trying to kill you, so katie adam and i watched alien. then i played the thing on computer till 4. then a little AC. then bed.

today i went to edmonds, did laundry, played some for fun football, came home and played games and napped and stuff.

then it was music things and that brings me full circle. i have more music than i could ever listen to. and now to the newsgroups to get a couple albums...

i keep having these big thoughts during the day, and then completely forget them the next day when i go to sit down and do this thing. I suppose i should really start jotting them down in the palm or whatever.

i'm trying to remember if anything notable happened yesterday. i went to classes, and then came home and christ, i don't know what i did. I studied a bit for my midterm tomorrow, had a grilled cheese across the hall, and well, i guess just puttsed around till i went to bed at 2am. i started reading catch 22 because i was across the hall and the graham greene book was over here and brenda had brought catch from home, and so i started it. Four chapters in and it's quite entertaining, if not a little disjointed. i feel bad for putting Mr. greene on the back burner such that I am, but hell, i've been wanting to read catch 22 since senior year when andy buchenot told me about it.

went to class and work today, nothing really exciting there. Spent my time at work looking at realworldblows.com and it's various diversions, such as mike's webpage which was quite sickening. but hey, lori is his "panty dropper of the month," and i guess that's pretty cool.

i came home and did some more of the study study and then i made a grilled cheese, put on my suit and went to robsham for the battered woman gig. that ended, we went to katie's. i drank some beers and auditioned ready to run, then katie and i hit late night and then i came home and watched another shitty episode of real world.

and now i sit to write this. sean john and darren will be on the radio soon, and tim and i will drink verily.

other than that, i dunno, i guess i'll study itinerately as i continue waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath.

this is weird, it's friday night, i'm largely sober, it's early, and i'm at home alone.

but oh wait, it gets weirder. i'm not very happy right now, in fact, one might say i'm sitting here listening to sad music and feeling sorry for myself. "ok," you may be saying, "but what's so weird about that?" i'll tell you what, i'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself and i don't know why.

great day at work, fun happy hour, then i went back to edmonds where i napped for a bit, then got up and went to the mods for some girl's birthday party and i walked in and just started being miserable. no catalyst, except for maybe a lame party, but i've dealt with plenty of those before. Maybe i just wanted it that way. i kind of stood off in the kitchen (freshmen!!) and didn't engage myself and didn't want to engage and didn't want to talk to anyone and just wanted to go home and be by myself. i'm sitting here writing trying to divine an explanation out of my sub conscious. there really was nothing, i was just hit with a mood and that mood stuck with me, even as i stood there feeling bad, and moreso when i came home and got on with the sad music, my thoughts were pretty much limited to "i feel unhappy."

maybe i've just been so busy and so passing out in the mods of late to sit and feel bad for myself, maybe i just needed some katie time, who knows. i could use about a billion more dollars and some female companionship, but these are not things i'm losing sleep over. i was/am not happy this evening and i can't figure out why and its driving me crazy and i'm going to stop going on about it because i'm not getting to the bottom of anything.

in other news, tim told me yesterday or two days ago how self-titled sucks. and i agreed, and today wrote up in my head the world's most extensive metaphor for the thing. i'll save the novel now, but the gist of it is that self-titled is like a child who no longer does anything for you. you get married and you're like "oh honey, let's have a baby!" and you do and the baby rules, you feed it all the time and buy clothes for it and show it off to your friends and think about it all day and it's great. then after a few years of changing diapers and cleaning up after it, the novelty of having a kid wears off and the whole thing gets boring and repetitive. especially if the kid is ugly or misbehaved, you're just like, "oh yeah, 'let's have a baby,' great idea." but in the end, hell, it's your kid, you made it and brought it into the world. you may not love it anymore because it's really just a burden, but hey, it's sort of a part of you.

believe it or not, i had the metaphor extended far far far beyond that, it was quite ridiculous. but to write it would cut into feel sorry for myself time and we just can't have that.

am a very tired brian. perhaps this is due to going to sleep around 5:30 last night after making $30 profit in poker, which were it not for the weird but completely making sense split your winnings with the house for booze policy, would have been a $90 profit, which would have been very nice indeed.

monday was an eventful day and night, if by eventful i mean uneventful. hmm.

i know i've had many thoughts over these 2 days, largely uninteresting thoughts, but thoughts nonetheless, whereas now i've got nothing.

it's cold now, which is nice. or is it? i think i like it better than the 80 degree weather we had in early october, but still, cold is cold. i wonder if most people prefer to be hot and walk into air conditioning or freezing and walk into heat. i'd go with the latter, i see it as a glass half full thing.

i don't read or watch the news or anything, but i've heard bits and pieces about some sniper. at first i thought there must be some sort of sniping epidemic sweeping the nation, but i'm more and more led to believe that there is one sniper which leads me to ask the obvious, how the hell has some guy been able to snipe at people over the course of several days? is he just sitting up in a tower somewhere and has a magic forcefield around it? or perhaps he shoots someone and runs away really fast or is invisible and no one can see him.

i got a haircut today, kept it mostly long, cleaned the hell out of the back and sides, it was a dear irish woman who did it, maria, but she didn't wash my hair afterwards and now i'm being attacked by all the hairs and it sucks. i wish i wasn't so lazy as to not ask for the second wash. I could give a seminar on discomfort right now.

newbury comics is good for many things. electronicish music it is not. i'm pining for many albums all of which they do not have. the latest aarktica, books, all sorts of tigerbeat stuff, and pretty much anything on the morr label. i want it all and they will not help a brother out. luckily, i found the ms. john soda album on the binaries today so that's something. i will put it on my sexy sexy ipod when i get it.

la la la. katie and i started buffy season 2 tonight. 2 episodes. we are gluttonous people who deserve to be punished. 23 more episodes and there is no more buffy until probablyl february. we must take our time and cherish each savory morsel. also, katie didn't like the first episode of season 2, but wow was that scene where she's slutting herself out to xander really weird and really hot. and unfortunately, buffy is a huge, sexy, manipulative bitka there, but it's because of all that master shit and she has huge issues and was being on drugs for most of the episode. also, i heart buffy.

tired, sick, blah. 10pm going to bed anon.

typical weekend. happy times friday starting with happy hour, crazy sunday starting around 2pm, lost to BC in football but then our season was mangled by john, then watched terrence and phillip giving me 2 new fun things to do. then bostonians show which i didn't really see much of as i was both late and then left early. showered, napped, went to bostonians party. night ended with some of my friends being taken away in handcuffs because the boston police had a hard on to be tough guy dicks.

sunday was detox. played video games and katie and i wrapped up buffy season one.

peace.

night off which means i can write, hey.

first off, i have a weird problem. every morning, my alarm goes off at 6:30, and then i play the snooze game for close to 40 minutes. why not just take that time to sleep solidly? I wish i knew, but i need that flirting with sleep every morning, even though it probably does me in in the end.

after work on monday the guys of the office went out with the company who insures all our buildings to the capital grill. is it grille? it must be, because everything is fancier with an extra "e." anyway, that was great. i drank silly grownup drinks like cosmopolitans and stoli-dolis while eating many things that once lived in the ocean and a nice $35 porterhouse. mmmm. also, oysters rockefeller is like the best thing ever. oysters with cheese and spinach i think, unbelievably good. after eating an ocean, a cow, and drinking a $60 equivalent of a few beers, dinner ended, and patrick and i went bar hopping. yay, more silly pink drinks and martini's at joes and then we went to the boylston bars and drank beers which made feel a little more at home. great time though, i like the post-work bar thing. we finished at the pour house where somehow we started talking to some girls and then pat left me to my own devices because they were 21 and 23 and he is not but also because he didn't want to interrupt my game. right. i stuck around for a while, don't remember her name (didn't 5 seconds after hearing it, i tend to do that with people all the time) but she was pretty cool and had an awesome but bizarre perfume that smelled like incense which i was smelling the entire next day.
which brings me to, the next day.

work work work. came home, napped like a pro and then went to 14 lake for some pool, then some blackjack (which is a horribly fun game that is so quick paced and i won a fair amount of money which makes me think it's really not all that hard) and then poker. quiet night, but still fun. i had many many chips, and left with none, but hey, the whole escapade cost me $20 and i drank some nice drinks and had a good time. i stuck around for the final hands, it was just jj and adam in drunk "let's bet everything mode." i believe there was $80 on the table for the last hand. and neither guy walked out behind, which is just special for them. tony on the other hand....

and that leads me right to.... today.

work. then i came home and played a little animal crossing which i had neglected since sunday. then i went over to edmonds for laundry and leading to syracuse to victory over #22 virginia tech. that'll make some headlines tomorrow. i had a rough start of season, but then some cupcake games got me a little better with my offense, and now i'm doing alright. tough last two games though, human BC and then miami. i'm pretty much guaranteed a bowl now, so it's all good. came home and then katie and i watched buffy for the first time in oh, forever. it was weird, because it was a first season episode that i apparantly hadn't downloaded during my first buffy run and thus it was the first time for both of us. and it was really strange but cool. and i hope i never have to see buffy in vamp makeup again because it was really scary and uncomfortable. and adam came over and started playing AC and then i sat down and watched him for like 20 minutes, which easily could've been over an hour if i didn't force myself up and out of the room.

katie and i really need to do something with our place. it's far too nice for us not to have it decorated and stuff. also, my room, which i think i cleaned up on sunday or so, is back to being in complete shambles. oh no, it was last saturday i cleaned it, but still it's a mess. shit just accumulates and i don't do a damn thing about it except for adding more.
ok, gonna do some music junk and then go to sleep i believe.