self-titled: ^_^

first off,

from the file of "wow, i really like records of honest things not intended
to be consumed by the public in this particular form" comes this
gem. here's the deal: towards the end of her life, after a messy divorce
and loss of her kids, judy garland's agent gave her a tape recorder so she
could record, while emotionally volatile and doped to the skies, the contents
of her autobiography to be later transcribed. i heard like 20 minutes of it
on the radio this morning, and it is really cool in that horribly voyeuristic
way. listen to clip#3 on that page. this isn't a clip from an interview, this
is her alone in her room talking into "this nazi machine. this red, china,
manchurian candidate device," she was insane, and we shouldn't be given

this look into her life, but we have been, and i really think i may purchase
it.

i think that may be all i have to say for tonight. i sense true blog format
approaching rapidly. will probably change up the format dramatically, but
to what? perhaps i will focus it around my million dollar idea that i finally
came to on christmas eve. here's a hint, "wryer."

oh yeah hooray for christmas, unhooray for getting snowed in yesterday by
the big storm and shovelling a foot of snow at 4:30am and then driving in
a car for 7 hours to get to work for 6. a big unhooray for that.

man i love th vw commercial with all the squares. that's really awesome.

oh yeah, scrubs is really good.

this mcdonalds commercial reminds me. mcdonalds needs to have fries available

at all times. breakfast or not. today, around 9am i went into a mcdonalds
plannign on getting fries. i really didn't pay much mind to the clock, because
my internals were so screwed up from waking up at 4, i didn't give a god damn

what time it was, i just knew that my body said it was time for french fries.
but mayor mcheese had other plans, and i returned into the cold, my tears
forming tiny icicles of sadness on my cheeks.

heh, today after work i dropped into newbury comics to find something to buy. for the hell of it, i went over to the record section to see if they had either of the limited run microphones lp. and they did, "little bird flies into a big black cloud" pressing of 400, handlettered and painted by mr. phil elvrum himself. so then i got home and couldn't find the cord for my record player. on a whim, i grabbed the cord for my razoar and lo and behold, it powered the player. so now my record player has a place on my newly cleaned desk, and as a result i can finally start making transfers for jude's dad. just the day before i was about to surrended the collection. gordon lightfoot is playing now, it's funny.

it's kirstie alley cheers now, that sucks ass. oh damn, i screwed up the cutting up of the microphones wavs. shoot. sucks, man.

hmm, i'm sort of ready to leave tomorrow morning. but not really. i should clean my room completely but well, that can wait. i should definitely load up the ipod a bit more, that cannot wait.

i should really be asleep. oh well, guess i won't be leaving at 6am as planned. ho ho ho.

hey wow this album is produced by lenny waronker. father of anna waronker from that dog.

ooof. just ate s'mores, this is immediately after a pizza for one, mozzarella sticks, 2 pieces of chocolate, a truffle and 4 graham crackers. i feel full.

very often i find myself watching nickelodeon late night. the late night line up is pretty solid, especially on the weekends: cheers, all in the family, three's company. i did so last night, fell asleep during the end of three's company. what happens from having nickelodeon as the last channel before sleep is this, the next day, either i wake up with the tv on, or i turn the tv on, and some nickelodeon cartoon is on. and for whatever reason, i leave it on (side note, 3 or 4 of those shows are drawn the exact same way: thornberries, some show with a jewish girl, and the other show with the guy who skateboards). and always, that cripple of a show hey arnold shows its ugly face. i've meant to say this ever single damn day that i watch that abortion. the girl on the show, we'll call her helga (because that's her name), is the single most ugly character on television, cartoon ro not, that i've seen. she is goddam hideous. even worse than the monkey beast girl francine on the show with the aardvark. she's disgusting, she makes me uncomfortable and at times i feel like i'm going to make sick. that's all.

today i watched tv or played videogames all day, except for when i walked to maddie's to buy marshmallows.... in a resealable package. genius i tell you.

work tomorrow and then home for the holidays.

christmas sucks this year. i'm just not feeling it. nothing. there's not enough christmas stuff that i see on tv, i dont' see it in my house or around my house. i haven't heard any christmas music. and uhh, i don't know, i just don't my that christmas is in 2 days. perhaps it's because i screwed things up with my christmas in march celebration. i dunno, i should've just gone to connecticut last night and had a foxwoods christmas. wow, that's a good idea, why didn't i think of it sooner. oh well. maybe it'll be a foxwoods new years.

oh yeah, was just looking at a top 20 of 2002 list and yankee hotel foxtrot was number one. i guess i missed the boat on that album. it's awesome, really really awesome, but while everyone else says perfect! number 1! best evar! i'm just like, yeah, it's a cool bunch of pop songs with a little bit of experimentation.

my exciting list coming soon. or never. we'll see.

well, my big accomplishment for the week was this afternoon when i cleaned off my desk. i rule.

it's been a fairly busy week as far as i get home and am too drunk or tired to write weeks are concerned.

monday night, free of the horrible bonds of my retraded class at northeastern (A, which i don't even think is numerically possible, but whatever), i came home and katie and i went to brookline for a christmas party thrown by statewide maintenance. they rented out some rib place and there were lots and lots and lots of very good ribs and other stuff that katie and i didn't eat. there was also a full open bar from 7 to close. katie and i claimed a table quick, got food and drank things in martini glasses until i was unable to do so any further. not a bad way to spend a few hours and zero dollars.

i got home early enough that i got more than a full night's sleep and so tuesday was no problem. work work work, came home and went to poker. got home around 1, was woken up by darren and company yelling uninteligibly into a phone around 3, and then had odd sleeping patterns and really weird dreams till the next morning.

wednesday work work work and then from work went to see the two towers. katie and i had just read part or all of the book, and peter jackson took more liberty than fought for by our forefathers with the details of the story. the end result was katie and i being very confused and worried that we are stupid people as we kept turning to each other and saying "was that in the book?" it wasn't. also, the dude next to me reeked. the movie was entertaining enough, i'm just shocked at not only the amount of very large in scope additions/changes, but also of the large amount of completely random tiny alterations that did nothing for the story one way or the other.

came home after that, ranted to sean for a bit and then left for great scott for the edmond 830 reunion. got there, huge line, which only got longer and more chaotic as time went on and there were two large fights. got in a little after 12, and it was just a huge collection of really sluttly girls and our friends. then people left and i sat and talked with darren and dave for like an hour about the two towers. hopefully no one was listening.

thursday was work work work, mind you at this point in the week i'm getting more tired, but still functioning well enough. i got a call around midday from adam about a late night poker night, so i stayed at work till 7 so i could get some extra or later, rather, sleep. got home, got a call from darren, went to mary ann's, saw that crew off for the big christmas break, and left for poker around midnight. played till 5 or 6 or something dumb. collapsed on my bed with the lights on, as well as my shoes and jeans and stuff.

yesterday was more work, then home where i was all alone and so ready to sit down and watch 24. i go for the box and find discs 1 and 2 missing. i frantically search the house, and eventually find out from oly that they are probably with lori who isn't even the damn state. that really pissed me off. so i went and got my car and drove to best buy to buy it. they didn't freaking have it, so i got some christmas presents and then the twin peaks box and the first volume twilight zone box. went home, got on the couch, watched an episode of the twilight zone, fell asleep during another, and then stumbled into bed and slep till about 3.

then today i did jack shit. watched some tv, played some metroid, more tv. and it's 11:30 and i need to caffeinate so i can watch more tv... this will be the 5th episode of snl today. oh yeah, i made eggs and toast this morning and actually kept one of the yolks intact, i'm a culinary master.

my room, she gets messier and messier as the days go on and i'm powerless to do anything about it. powerless in the sense that i'm a lazy piece of shit, but no need to split hairs, really.

my weekend, for all intents and purposes, began and ended on friday. i got to work at 8 for whatever reason, booked at 5 and headed to happy hour hoping that someone would be there despite the nasty case of finals going around. i got in (and remarkably was not carded, but just waved in, which is unlike anything i've experienced there before) and ran into tim and mancini. so i sat. and we sat. and drank. and sat, drank, watched people come and go. around 8 or so i made a quick 4 minute run to bring back presto's, we ate. and sat, and drank, and watched poeple come and go. then mancini, tk, mancini's friend and i played photohunt for damn near an hour. then around 11pm we left. i went straight to bed.

s! a! t u r! d a y! night! was spent much like the day was, on my ass watching television. i made eggs at some point. i broke the 1.5 of the yolks. how i managed to break one partway so that i still had some running is beyond me, but i'm not going to complain.

uhhh err today i woke up and read about 100 pages in the two towers, getting it all nice and refreshed for whenever the movie comes out. then i played video games, and ordered food and watched buffy and now it's more tv.

oh yeah, listened to the new mountain goats record last night and as i read this morning. absolutely fantastic. it's amazing how much a little studio spit and polish will do for darnielle's already massive talents as a songwriter. definitely a late entrant to the shortlist for the 10 best of 2002, as if anyone really cared.

re: the topic. the old song, by the flamingos. it was used in the buffy we watched on saturday, and i've decided it's the creepiest song ever. it was used as two ghosts from the 50s enacted a scene in the empty hallways of a school. katie and i both got deja vu. the song has a power that i can't explain. i imdb'd to see if it was listed as being used in other tv shows/movies but nothing came up. so i'm resolute in my decision that the song has some transcendent ghostly qualities. if you have or can grab the mp3, should be pretty easy, the flamingos - i only have eyes for you. there's a healty amount of background hiss/noise that contributes, and then the rest of it is the otherworldly echo. it's the creepiest song ever, i'm in love.

and it provides me endless fun to freak out katie. last night, i rigged katie's computer to start playing the song at 4am. but then i cracked and told her, that was a dumb thing to do. it's ok, i can still just start playing the song at random times and creep her out. well, creep me out too. you better believe when i'm home alone sometime it's gonna be blasting from my stereo until i break down and cry. also, it was an AWESOME episode of buffy. i want to go watch the last scene again. and then the scene from the first episode of season2 with slutty buffy dancing with xander. and then the entirety of passions. mmm january 7 for season 3.

throat still sucks and i'm still tired.

i woke up this morning and was confused at what time it was and got out of bed 20 minutes early. i didn't frantically jump out of bed, i just casually got up like i would if it were the normal time. it was weird, and i got to work at 8am. actually kind of fun to be up and there that early. eh, now i'm just tired.

i got screwed out of the grill 23 dinner because the public adjuster who was taking the guys out just lost a huge claim on the building of ours that just had a fire. had be been hired he would've gotten like $60,000 off the deal. whatever dude, that doesn't mean you skimp out on dinner and screw me over. i was going to all impress everyone by ordering grill 23 cocktails and say hello to patrick from poker and eat ridiculously good and expensive food but nooo instead i came home and had a dinner of champions: half a jar of bacon bits and two yodels.

then i watched tv, which i continue to do until promptly after insomniac at 10:30 at which point i will close my eyes and go to sleep.

i think john darnielle is my new hero. tomorrow i will go to newbury comics and purchase talahassee with great glee and anticipation. and i feel a strange sense of closer today, as i've downloaded ulrich schauss' "far away trains passing by," and album i've intended to get for over a year. also, the insoud tour support comp is out and selling for $17. and oh how i want it, and only for one track, the death cab remix of the faint's "worked up so sexual." the mind boggles. too bad a few of the other tracks i've downloaded and the rest are bands i don't know. if it were a comp price like darla's nuggets of $5 wonder, it'd be a no brainer. but alas, $17. ooooh, ulrich schnauss is good. hooray.

wow. long long weekend, lots of action. I went to work on friday and found out jude would be coming up. bought some junk at the gap during lunch, attempted happy hour but was met with a too long line, and then went home to sit around and wait for jude. He came at like 9:30, we went to tonic and met oly and ate some dinner and caught up or whatever it's called. then we went back home, it's like 11:30 at this point. Plan was tenatively to go out to bars or find some party. got home, and there was no action. nothing to do except maybe go out just the two of us, but it was pretty late.

so we just sat around, adam and sean were here, they came in there was some talking. someone suggested foxwoods. jude said yes, i immediately got up and put my coat on knowing full well that any times foxwoods is suggested you have about a 2 minute window until the suggestion is repealed. and repealed it was. they exist for no other reason than to get my hopes up with empty suggestions. but all was well, because unlike the usual stable of friends who it is difficult to get to go out to a bar that isn't maryann's, let alone a casino 1.5 hours away, i had jude. and at 1:30 we embarked to the wonderful land of some town in connecticut.

foxwoods was a beautiful place. i followed jude's lead and played slots right away and won $75 on my second spin. then i lost that money as soon as i could because slots was boring as hell and you have zero control over it. so to the blackjack table i went. i played blackjack for a good 7 hours. on my first run of a $100 investment, i had accumulated over $400 on the table. then lost it in a rapid fire series of $50 bets where i somehow lost hand after hand after hand after hand. i continued playing, putting in more money where necessary. at about 11:30, i was steadily winning, but not quite enough to make up for my losses, but i was tiring of blackjack. also, i had been awake for 30 hours straight. so i made a decision. i will bet $100 on one last hand. if i win, i break even. if i lose, i lose about as much money as i expected to lose in a casino. i get dealt a queen, dealer gets a king, i get a two. shit. that's a no fun hand. i hit, and bust, and left overall happy, but a little regretful that i didn't win. no regrets for losing, just it would have been nice to win a few hundred bucks.

anyway, it was a valuable learning experience for me. i learned two very important things. i learned the proper way to play blackjack given pretty much any hand. and i learned not to get greedy. bet no more than ten percent of the next series of a hundred dollars. resist stupid bets, and you will see your losses stay at an extremely reasonable level. next time i will be prepared, and next time i will make foxwoods my bitch.

i just couldn't do the drive home at noon. even mcdonald's did not wake me. hurray for jude stepping it up. we got home and immediately crashed.

a few hours later it was time to wake up shower, and go to mary ann's for the alumni pre-show extravaganza. pretty thin as far as amount of alumni there, but whatever, it was still fun. then to the bostonians show which was a good time and made me miss performing a great deal. and then it was to the mods for the bostonians party which sucked and sucked and sucked until jude and i went to the chorale party which was a lot more populous for a bit. then we returned to bostonians and it had picked up a bit. blah blah blah back home to sleep.

hurray for sleeping. got up sunday around 1, got sucked into watching harry potter with jude, and then he left and i went to charley's with adam katie tim and sean. then we went to see solaris, which i hear sucked but i wouldn't know as i slept through it.

today was work then the last day of class then sweet sweet metroid, and now i'm just about ready to bed. and my day just got all sorts of exciting when i found the postal service cd on the newsgroups. yay.

jesus i'm tired.

fairly routine week, don't think i've done anything special. bought 2 more 2 many dj mixes on monday, played poker on tuesday, watched buffy yesterday, watched buffy today. we ran the gamut of episodes in these 4, including the best one i've seen to date. we have only 4 episodes left to tide us over until season 3 ships out on january 7th. wow that's so far away. also, i cannot freaking believe that it is december. DECEMBER. where has the time gone?

been watching cheers lately and it's just shocking how much rebecca sucked compared to diane. did rebecca even have any distinguishing characteristics? compared to diane, my memory of rebecca just makes her look unbelievably flat and i hope nick at nite never runs those episodes. although, coach is gone, so it's probably only a matter of time.

i wonder what it is that dictates my social swings. i think that i just don't want to go out until i'm there and then i'm like, oh wow, why do i even stay in. tomorrow is friday, it's too damn cold, i'm tired, i'll pass on happy hour once again with no regrets. i probably won't even go out. this is largely because i will feel like a stupid going to a bar with my big marshmallow winter coat.

my room has once again fallen to disarray. i must try and clean it tomorrow, but i don't really see that happening, eh.

maybe some interesting things to write this weekend, or any time that i'm less tired and less distracted by tv and im'ing katie. jude may be coming up, and it's bostonians cafe and party. huzzah.

i'm fairly sure that nothing of merit occurred yesterday. unless you call not writing my paper in favor of metroid followed by lots of tv and sekret internet things something of merit.

I woke up early today, around 10, ready to do my paper. so i got my book, took it to bed to write an outline or something, and then watched alice in wonderland, oliver & co., national lampoon's vegas vacation, and cops and robbersons. then i got out of bed and watched many e! true hollywood stories as i sort of wrote. then the chevy chase roast. somewhere from that first e! true holly story (the brat pack) and chevy's roast, i got 8 pages of crap on paper. but hey, why write anything better than what's expected?

This paper, while not finished (i saved editing and final touch ups for lunch tomorrow), represents a huge stupid burden lifted. until BC makes up some new thing i have to do for them, no longer will i have to play the "i can't believe i didn't take care of this one lousy class in college" any longer. i rule. in a relative sort of way.

i'm confused. they just showed the chevy chase roast and now they're umm... showing it again. Sounds like smart programming to me. seinfeld it is. this tv in my room is the worst idea ever.